Drifting apart from a close friend

Hi, I just needed a place to vent because I honestly have no one to talk to right now 😔

I’ve had crippling social anxiety for as long as I can remember. My therapist recently did an evaluation on me, and determined that my social anxiety level is “severe.” As a result, I’ve always had trouble making friends. Even if I did make friends, though, they were just school friends. We wouldn’t hang out or talk about anything else besides school, we just talked about schoolwork and once the class was over, we’d stop talking altogether. So I’d hardly call those real “friends,” but they were all I had.

Fast forward to recent months, I met someone at work who I connected with instantly because he also had social anxiety like me. I had never met anyone irl like me before, so I was so happy to finally make a friend who understood me.

We would talk pretty frequently (almost every day) for the next couple of months. I’ve had a history (and am still struggling with) depression, and I felt comfortable enough to share my struggles with him. He alerted his supervisor at work, and this all spiraled into me getting sent to the ER for a psych evaluation, getting monthly check-ins with a psychiatrist, and obtaining a long-term therapist for the first time. Even though he never gave me a heads-up that he was going to bring up my personal struggles to anyone else, much less get supervisors at work involved, I felt like we became closer after this whole ordeal.

However, this past week has been pretty hard on me. I’ve felt like multiple people at work were attacking me (verbally) for no reason. I tried venting to my friend about it, but he didn’t really respond to it like he normally does. When I vented about things before, he would try to give me some advice to get through it, but this time, he just said “breathe” and left it at that.

We also usually say good night to each other every day, but we haven’t said it at all this week, except for one day. And our conversations this past week have been pretty dry and short too, when we can normally talk for hours on end.

I’m worried that this is the beginning of us drifting apart? I’d hate for that to happen, because he’s the only person irl who I would actually consider a close friend. I’ve also felt like he was acting a little distant since last Friday. I thought that maybe he was just either too busy or too tired to talk to me, but when he seemed a little more distant this past week, that’s when I started to get worried that he’s just being distant because of me.

For reference, we were talking today, and things seemed normal. But then he made a comment about how he wants to keep things simple in his life right now, and how all he needs is his friend group (which I’m not a part of), his family, and his faith, and how he doesn’t want any trouble right now.

I have noticed that when I vent about people at work, he gets a little uncomfortable. He isn’t the type to get involved in drama or anything like that, so I’m wondering if me venting this past week was the last straw for him. I asked him before venting if it was alright if I vented, and he said ok. There was another day this week where I vented and shared my worries about certain things, then I said, “sorry for venting,” and he just said, “no need to apologize.”

He has said in the past that he’s fine with me letting my feelings out, because he knows how hard it is to keep it in, but only as long as I’m also talking about it with my therapist (because, in his words, he “can only do so much.” So I’m worried he’s getting tired of me venting).

I do talk to my therapist about things that bother me, but at the end of the day, she doesn’t know the people that I’m venting about, and I only meet with her once a week for about 45 mins. Sometimes I need to vent about something in the middle of the week, when I don’t have a therapy session.

I’m worried he’s angry with me because it seems like all I do is vent, but I’m going through a rough patch right now (and he’s aware of this), so I have a lot on my mind. He might have been ok with me venting in the past, but I’m worried he’s getting fed up with me, since I have a therapist now. He has also mentioned that he’s good at ghosting people when they bother him, and he did ghost me yesterday. I texted him in the morning that I hope he has a great day, then reminded him to send me a picture of something we spoke about the day before. He didn’t respond until later that night, and all he said was “hey” and sent the picture. We didn’t talk at all besides that (he normally asks me how my day was, and we talk about that and plans for the weekend. There was none of our normal conversations last night)

I’d like to clarify that I don’t just vent to him out of nowhere. When he asks me how my day was, I always tell him to go first and hear about his day, before I talk about mine (which sometimes involves venting. So I don’t feel like I’m treating him like a therapist. We have genuine conversations, and I do vent from time to time. I’m just getting the feeling that he’s getting tired of my venting but doesn’t know how to ask me stop. But I’ve mentioned to him multiple times that if he thinks I’m annoying or too much, he can feel free to ask me to stop.

Two weeks ago, he also invited me to take part in one of his hobbies (UFC). We watched some fights together, and he seemed really happy that I watched it with him. Last week, he didn’t invite me to watch with him, but he let me know what time the fights were on, so I tuned in with him for a bit, then stopped. Later on, he said he wished I was still watching, because the ones I had tuned in for were a bit boring, but they got more interesting after I stopped watching. He had also said that he really wanted me to watch fights this week, because his favorite fighter was on.

So that would be today. But he didn’t tell me what times the fights were on, so I didn’t know when to tune in. And since he seemed a bit distant this week, I didn’t want to ask, in case he was truly getting annoyed with me and didn’t want me to watch with him (I didn’t want to seem too clingy, if he’s actually trying to distance himself from me). He usually texts me about the fights anyway, like sending me pictures of his TV screen, but there’s just radio silence on his end, as has been happening quite frequently this week (and since last Friday).

Am I reading too much into things? I have a lot of anxiety and extremely low self-esteem, which I’m aware can cause me to doubt things and see problems that aren’t there. But at the same time, he has never been this distant from me since we first became friends. After talking constantly every day for the past 6 months and saying good night (and sometimes good morning) every single day, our short, dry conversations from this past week have me worried that I did something wrong. He also stopped saying good night and good morning to me altogether, and whereas he used to ask me how my day was every single day, he only asked me that once this week…I know it doesn’t really mean much, but to go from saying that every day to completely stopping is a bit jarring to me. But I also don’t want to ask about it, because on the off-chance that there’s nothing wrong, it might make things weird between me and him.

My friendships usually last about 7-9 months maximum, due to us drifting apart. I’m usually not the one to reach out first, because of my social anxiety. I understand that friendship is a two-way street, and I have to put in work to maintain the friendship, but anyone who knows me, knows that I’m shy and introverted, so it’s less likely for me to reach out first. And when the other person doesn’t reach out first, it makes me think that they don’t like me and don’t want to stay friends. Which is usually the case, I think, as all my “friends” I’ve ever made were just school friends. Him and I have been friends for 6 months now, so this is nearing the normal timeframe for the end of my friendships, which is another thing that gets me worried.

I am planning on waiting it out and see if he says something, since he’s always the one to text first. However, I have been the one to text first this past week, which is another thing that felt weird to me. I don’t like texting first because I feel like a bother, and I always wait for the other person to text first, because it’s a sign that they want to talk to me. Just another symptom of my social anxiety, I suppose. But he’s aware that my anxiety is far worse than his, which is why I’m sure he’s not offended that I usually don’t text first.

He also has been coming out of his shell a lot more. When we first met, he was like me and also didn’t have much friends (granted, more than me, but still). Now he has his own friend group and goes out and drinks with them (something he’s never really done before; when we first me, he told me he doesn’t drink. Now he goes all wild and tipsy when hanging out with his friend group). Meanwhile, I still don’t have any friends, so it makes me feel left behind - because if he can go out and make friends, why can’t I?

And since I’m not part of that friend group, I’m wondering that if he thinks I’m getting too annoying with my venting, that he’ll drop me as a friend altogether, since he has his other friends anyway…I became friends with him before he joined that friend group, so I understand why he wanted to talk to me a lot in the beginning (me being a friend who understood his social anxiety). But now that he’s out of his shell, I almost feel like I’ve lost value as a friend to him, since he can’t relate to the social anxiety anymore. That, on top of my venting, seems like a reason for him to drop me as a friend.

I can’t tell if I’m overthinking, but it genuinely scares me that it could be the reality, as I really don’t have any other friends or anyone to talk to :( and just when I thought I finally found a friend who could relate to me and understand me. I should have known that was too good to be true.

I’ve already had a friendship breakup a few years ago, though I was friends with that person for 5 years. I swore to myself that I’d never open up to anyone ever again, because losing a close friend like that hurt so, so much. I decided to take a chance this time because it’s been a couple of years, and this guy seemed to relate to my social anxiety. But now I’m afraid I’m going through the same thing of losing a close friend. I’m wondering what’s wrong with me, why I can’t keep my friendships like other people can. It makes me feel unlikeable and worthless, which are some of the thoughts that my depression stems from.

I doubt anyone is going to read all of that, but I’d appreciate advice, if there is any. If not, that’s ok, I feel a little better venting about everything, at least