how do you get over social anxiety?

Hello there. I am sorry to hear this, and I tell you that right at this very moment I'm saying a little prayer for you.

You should know that what you're going through is not easy -- and I know you know -- and that you will need a strong support system to get through it. Getting through is not overnight but a process. Definitely, your family should be the first one to know and understand your situation.

Your mom probably has her own way of attacking your issue, and she could be trying to be show you she doesn't tolerate your feelings/emotions, which could be a natural reaction. But you have to talk it out with her, and if you have done it, then try once more. Don't give up on her as she could be the same.

I feel your pain. I was told from a very young age that I wasn't worthy of much consideration and that I was a bad person so my social anxiety came from that abuse. I cannot answer for you in that light, but that's my story shortened.

The one thing that has helped me a great deal in social anxiety is that I imagine what I would do if the roles were reversed and "I" walked up and asked for help. We feel we are being an inconvenience at a store, for example, but in reality, if we could help someone, we would? I am at a department store working and someone comes up and says "Excuse me, can you help me find this?" I would jump at the chance to help someone. So what are we afraid of? That kind of thinking helped me.

I have learned that there is no acceptable reason to be rude to someone. I mean, there just isn't. Now I have my triggers, and I think we all do, and if we are triggered and say something mean or wrong, well, that's our problem and we need to apologize and move on. But in general interaction, the goal is to understand that most people will react in a kind and considerate manner if you do the same.

Now all of that being said, learning to love yourself and know that what you offer the world has value, that's the biggest challenge of all. It can take many years, decades even, to learn how to do this. We always get troubled by trying to be a Jim or a Jane when all we really need to do is be ourselves. Unfortunately, we have a society that tells us we are not good enough, not big enough, small enough smart enough, pretty or handsome enough. We believe it and if we are parents, we pass this belief on to our children. It causes all sorts of anxiety, social.

The important lesson in all of this? Most people, to some extent, have social anxiety from being told, in some way, we are not good enough. Maybe in some way you can confirm to the person you are speaking to that they are good enough and worthy, they light up and you can feed off of it. I think that's a beautifulthing when it happens.

I wish you luck. Take care!

I'm sorry your mother is unable to offer you empathy. It must be rough feeling like your problem is being trivialised that way.

The usual way therapists work on social anxiety is through a combination of thought-challenging and exposure. For the first, the example someone else has offered here of thinking of how you would react if you were on the other side of the interaction might be helpful in seeing how your fears aren't entirely realistic. For the second, it would involve coming up with a list of things you have trouble doing and ranking them from easiest to hardest, and then pushing yourself to try them one by one starting at the easiest.