Autism and loneliness
I suspect I might be on the autism spectrum, as I have felt different all my life and never truly belonged. I’ve lived in different cities and even in other countries, and I’ve interacted with people of various backgrounds and ages, but the feeling of not belonging has never left me. I seem unable to truely connect or resonate with people, which has made me feel extremely lonely and isolated, eventually causing me to lose my will to live.
For several years, life has been very difficult for me, as I have not like it, I’ve been feeling extremely lonely, and I’ve been struggling to keep going only for my family and loved ones.
Throughout my life, I have met only two people with whom I could truly connect and be myself around, who made me feel understood, accepted, and like I belonged. One of them is an old classmate from university, with whom I don’t talk much anymore as we now live in different countries. The other is one of my flatmates, whom I met only about a month ago and who is on the autism spectrum. Having him as a friend made life feel easier for me. It made me feel that I could keep going because I wasn’t alone all the time anymore.
But yesterday, he announced that his girlfriend would be moving in with him (I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend, as he had never mentioned her to me). Since she moved in, he hasn’t really talked to me—apart from saying hello or exchanging other polite words—which is understandable I think. But I feel as though I’ve lost a friend. More than that, I’ve lost one of the only two real friends I’ve ever had, one of the only two people who have truly understood me in my entire life, and the only person I could talk to right now, as I live in a foreign country and don’t know many people.
It doesn’t bother me that he has a girlfriend—I’ve never thought of him romantically. I’m just sad that I’ve lost a friend and I miss having someone to talk to. I feel like I’m grieving, and the feelings of loneliness and isolation have hit me harder than before. I’m anxious and afraid that I might not be able to cope with it much longer.
@ariiiana
I'm autistic too! I've always felt different and alone. I'm here <3
I'm on the spectrum and it's really painful and frustrating when you can't truly identify your emotions and when you have sudden reactions that make people look at you weird and insult you and treat you like crap. I also don't have many friends and I don't really trust them because I feel like they make bring up my spectrum stuff in weird situations and mock me for it not knowing it actually hurts.
@ariiiana
Hi Ariiiana. Your post touched me, clearly expressing your feelings.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling lonely, it’s not a nice feeling at all. Please know we are here for you, as your post will resonate with others here on 7 Cups too.
🌹
That is rough. I think it's okay if you feel betrayed by these actions. Who knows what is causing this behavior in him; humans are a mystery to me too. I know you are feeling very alone, I wish I could take that from you and make you feel better, but I often feel the same way. Sometimes I imagine over the whole planet a great grid of people out there, who feel this way, and go about their lives. Many of them are here on cups, too. It's okay to be different, it's okay to be you. The right people will come and stay, it's better to let the rest go. Though it's painful, many times those of us on the spectrum have to become our own best friends, and I truly wish that for you, because it is nice to at least feel like you can trust yourself not to be mean to yourself. But it takes time. Please know cups is here for you, and that you're not alone in being one of the oddballs. Sometimes not fitting in says something good about your character, for what it's worth. ✌🏼❤️
Ariiiana:
I have Asperger’s syndrome so I completely relate to the feeling of not belonging. I have found what helps me is support groups like this one where people understand and accept me. I go to a support group on the aura app for people with autism and autism spectrum issues. It is run by a person with Autism who is very accepting and supportive. I wish you the best. ❤️
Ello I'm an autistic teenager and I can relate. I feel lonely and empty despite having some friends. But I'd say getting diagnosed and learning about autism helps a lot with understanding how you socialize. I really hope you find something that helps you with this : )
@ariiianaI’m really sorry you’re feeling this way right now. Losing a close friend, especially someone who has helped you feel understood and less alone, can feel like a deep loss. It’s completely natural to grieve that connection. Feeling lonely and isolated is so hard, especially when you’re far from home and don’t have many people around. Remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to feel sad and anxious about this change. It might help to reach out to support groups or communities, especially those that understand autism and loneliness, where you can find others who relate to your experience. You deserve connection and support, and even though it’s tough now, there are people who want to listen and be there for you. If you want, I can help you find some resources or ways to build new connections.
