Hi- need some to help me find out what phase of my bipolar I am in
I have Bipolar 1 - I have been crying all the time just feeling utterly heartbroken .. but I don't have a reason to be that sad? I am starting to get paranoid and make scenarios up in my head.. between my delusions and my realistic dreams I have become so confused with what's real and what's not.. I have constant panic attacks and I feel like I'm scared of everything. I've never had depression and panic and been paranoid all at the same time before? Am I manic or depressed... Someone help. I'm so confused
I have days where I feel normal. And that's today. When I feel normal is when I get the most confused cause it doesn't make sense to me. Any advice helps. Thanks for taking the time to read this and listen. Means alot
I've been like that before & sometimes the psychiatrist said it was depression, sometimes they said "mixed bipolar" , then when it was real bad they said it was bipolar with psychotic symptoms... 16 years later the new guy thinks i might have been misdiagnosed now that I'm 11 years into consistent heavy depression without any "ups"... It's difficult to know what's going on & everybody is wrong sometimes so I would strongly suggest you speak to a professional but not only talk to them i suggest you write down everything going on with you, literally everything, it may sound like too much but the more they know the better chance they'll be able to help you
@bottledskyy Thank you for your reply! Mixed phase might be right because it just doesn't seem like the usual depression I go through and it's not just anxiety and I usually have OCD type symptoms when I'm straight manic. I have finally made a psychiatrist appointment. Hopefully get new medication and a clearer view of my symptoms and what to watch for Good idea! I will write them down cause I know I'll probably feel vastly different since my appointment is another 2 months away. Good luck with your diagnosis and I wish you all the best! Thank you
@1Rina I agree with @bottledskyy about this. It's possible to have symptoms of depression, like feeling utterly heartbroken, together with symptoms of mania, like being confused with what's real and what's not, all at the same time. When this happens, the episode is described as having "mixed features".
The extreme changes of mood caused by bipolar disorder don't really make sense to anyone. There are medications that can often help, but no one really knows how the medications work. If you can provide all the information to a professional, they'll be able to suggest possible ways to improve things for you.
Charlie
@RarelyCharilie Thank you for your reply! I feel alot better knowing that it's "normal/possible" to feel like this with bipolar. As it is just another phase. I will just keep telling myself it's a mixed phase and that it's part of bipolar. I plan on writing things down and I have. An appointment with my psychologist 2 months from now. I'm on the waiting list! So Hopefully sooner! Thanks for listening and understanding. Appreciate it! Stay safe!
@1Rina
I hear you, it's not a good place to be, at all. As was mentioned, there are what they call "mixed episodes" where you can present with depression and mania/hypomania at the same time but I wouldn't be able to say for sure as only a medical professional can do that. I can however say that I understand what you are going through. You did the right thing in getting onto a waiting list with a psych. Do you know how far down on the waiting list you are?
As others have suggested, write down how you feel, your paranoia's and start tracking what days you feel normal and what days you feel panicked. That way you won't miss something during the appointment.
If you feel as though you can't cope untill you see a psych, your primary/house doctor might also be able to help you temporarily untill your appointment.
Stay strong 
@Orthrus Thank you for your words! I always know I'm a really rough place because I have to find support and answers from others who struggle with mental illness. Glad I found this app! I would definitely agree that I am in a mixed phase. Not sure how long the waiting list is but I plan to start calling them everyday to see if anyone cancelled that day. I'm so desperate and I have to be an advocate for myself. I'm afraid of doctors prescribing me meds. Last time they did it put me in the hospital. They gave me pills for depression which I later found out people with bipolar can't have depression pills. They also prescribed me Ativan 2-3 a Day- got addicted and was taking way more than I needed. Although I will go there as a last resort and ask my doctor to call my psychiatrist and get me in right away if I get worse. If that's possible Thanks again for helping to clarify my symptoms! Take care!
@1Rina
As I understand it, it's harder to balance anti-depressants with other medications in Type I's than what it is with Type II's as it can shift you into a manic phase, which is likely what happened to you. They do however subscribe SSRI's, at least for Type II Bipolar, as it leans heavier towards the depressive side and "breaks" with reality isn't as prolonged or as frequent. It can be a long and hard strugle to find the right combination. My pharmacist still shakes his head at the combination that I take and it's not perfect but it's as close to keeping me "safe" as I can get it without landing me in trouble and I prefer not to mess with it.
You do seem to have a very healthy state of mind in regards to your condition, which is great. Accepting that we need help, reaching out for help and support and advocating for our selves is really important and often the hardest step to take.
You can be proud of where you are at, despite your current situation. I hope you can get an appointment soon so they can help get you back on your feet.
@Orthrus Thank you! I am proud of myself and how far I've come. I've learned alot of coping skills and I've learned to realize when I'm acting "strange" or 'impulsive". I will never let myself get to the point I was when I went into the hospital and it wasn't by choice. I accidentally signed something saying the could keep me at the hospital until I was better. Never again will I have my rights taken away like I did. Thank you for the reminder that I should and can be proud of myself even though I'm not at all where I want to be in life :) Hope your at a good place right now! Thanks again
I completely understand you. I’m feeling exactly like that today. Been randomly crying without any aparte reason. If you have a therapist tell them what’s going on so you can get some tips and how to make it a little easier.
I feel your stuggle and it suuuuucks. I have bipolar 1 with rapid cycles and am currently in a pretty bad place myself. If you were to sit next to me on a couch i space out, then tears run down my face, then my eyes dart around (anxious/suspicious), then I manically laugh, then I will verbally abuse you, then the viscous cycle repeats. Over and over. It’s really fun for everyone. Worst part is that I can realize it. Like step out of my body and see it happening and do nothing about it. There’s this feeling of total loss of control. Helplessness. Like watching yourself go crazy. And hating yourself for it. And feeling powerless to do anything about it.
Mixed mode Bipolar is confusing. I experience similar feelings and like you it's challenging
It's hard to explain to others at a point they understand. I am not even convinced my doctor actually grasp the extent of this
