Worst mistake of my life, trying to find how to move forward and live with myself
Today is Tuesday, yesterday Monday, I’m now ex girlfriend, the love of my life in every sense found out that I had cheated on her with another woman. I know what I did was wrong, I don’t deserve anything from anyone. I created a lie around myself to keep people from criticizing me and to protect myself. I have never cheated before until now and I feel terrible, as someone who was cheated on I never thought I’d become that in which I hated that happened to me. I treated two girls exactly the same, I was trying to cut woman A off so I could fully be with woman B but was too weak and scared to lose someone ever though I saw my whole life with this other woman. I’ve had a massive pain in my chest where it’s been hard to breath and move, but still am at work and feeling like I’m dying inside. I want to change the past and fix things but I can’t, I told me two closest friends about what I did and they seem like they will still be my friends and want me to be better and want to help me. I don’t know what to do to be better and make the pain in my heart and soul stop, I know I deserve to feel how I feel and I don’t deserve anything and that’s fair, but I hope god forgives me and makes me able to right this at least with myself. Any input is helpful.
@hvacandmistakes
I think the word "cheater" makes people jump into a defensive mode that most do not really understand it unless they have been in a situation.... I am not saying what you did was OK just that so many factors are at play.... the original relationship is NOT working something was missing and felt empty .... you found a person that fit better or made you feel things you do not feel with the original relationship .... sometimes we do not control that.
sounds like your relationship with woman A was on the rocks and you kept it on life support even though you knew it was past the time to call it done. That was not being truthful with her .. you did not spare her feelings only led her to a bigger cliff to fall off. when someone says hey this is not working is one thing but moving on makes them question their self worth....
did you lose woman B in process too or is all your feelings from hurting A ?
reflect on what you learned here... if you could go back in time ... you could have tried to fix the first relationship and realized it was not working and admit it. you should see how fast things can go out of control and in relationship you may have now stop and fix what is missing before looking for something elsewhere
do you still see your future with woman B and did she know at the beginning she was the other woman?
I’ll be honest thank you for your words; Woman B was the love of my life and I was too weak and afraid to hurt woman A.
if I could go back in time I would have ended the stint with woman A as soon as I met woman B.
they are both gone and they deserve better, I’m not the good man I thought I was. They deserve better.
@hvacandmistakes
I am sorry you lost the love of your life. Y
ou are a better man then you realize as many in your shoes never step up and really take on the responsibility of what went wrong. someday they will see that too. We do not get do -overs but if we did you have certainly learned a valuable lesson. In time this will pass even though at the moment i am sure you do not think so.... hopefully you will find love again someday and you have been through the worst you will be a person who makes good choices based on past mistake.