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I thought I had my bipolar under control. After an extremely destructive manic episode I feel like this disease runs my life. I don't feel like things will ever be ok.

The hardest thing about losing myself to mental illness is finding the will to keep living, so that those who love me, don't lose me too.

It is the day before Valentine's and I am already messing up with my significant other. I have Bipolar, anxiety and depression. I take meds for it. I have done TMS treatment and I still feel like I am losing my mind. My girlfriend calls me evil. I feel like my life is going down the drain. I'll be 35 next month and i don't know where my life is headed. I just want to be happy and live the best life I can.

Hey everyone! I’m new. I may have posted incorrectly but it is what it is. I was in a bipolar support community years ago and it was amazing, but I’ve since lost touch. I have really missed it lately. My diagnosis is type 1 mixed rapid cycling. I lean toward mania, and I’m honestly not mad about it. I get a lot done when I’m manic. I have a good solid team working with me and have managed well for a while but I just missed the community. So hi! Hope everyone is doing well

Hi! I hope people see my message. I need to journal my journey. I feel little relief. I feel very alone and like I keep making mistakes. I now am talking to strangers on Bumble bff and it is momentary good feelings but I feel like it's only me talking and I still am not getting the respect I deserve and then I think I'm high maintenance and it's wrong to want a goodnight and goodmorning everyday and constant care. It is constantly hard for me to have a cohesive thought and when I speak it's just been getting more and more...untethered? And just so insanely fluid and I end up giggling. I feel like this was the result of Prozac in my system for a little while. I think it's important to discuss our med journey. So then I was switched to Seroquel and I hated hated hated how stupid it made me. I do hear similar stories...it just zaps away cohesive thoughts. It's just...you don't want to TALK AT ALL.

I would rather see a new doctor after I take a break from all meds. Please, tell me if I can take my own road and just stick to talk therapy and St. John's Wort for depression and Ashwaganda for anxiety. The doctor just said I had two options of pills for my bipolar, seroquel and the other which can cause skin rash...I forgot the name...but I couldn't imagine increasing seroquel which made me so so mentally terrible, and my depression makes me not hopeful at all to try the new meds. I just want peace and intrinsic motivation so bad. I feel so torn.

A bit more than 10 years ago I was diagnosed while going through a manic psychosis. Before the psychosis I was already going to a psychologist for my depression for more than a year.

Everybody was surprised by my mania and the following psychosis. Because it all happened in less than 2 weeks.

Did some dangerous stuff like cycling against the flow of traffic, and waving around heavy stuff while being blindfolded.

I also believed that I was in touch with energy in many forms (music, air, symbols) and paranoid about being tracked by social networks.

Eventually I got to the point that I believed to be enlightened and went on a sort of pilgrimage. Resulting in me meeting my mother at her house and her being that concerned that she involved psychologists to hear me out.

So yeah... Then I was stuck in a closed mental facility. But on voluntary basis. And almost got court ordered to remain there against my will. Which wasn't a fun experience. Eventually risperdal helped me get out of my psychosis and lithium helped me to balance out my bipolar peaks.

However I remained depressed for several years after. From diagnosis to me leaving therapy took 6 years. I eventually left because I felt trapped. Therapy had become a weekly nuisance. Lithium had completely depleted me from my creativity and I felt like a robot.

Once I took control over my own life again, I stopped taking lithium, but kept strict control over my lifestyle and had my wife to become my "mirror" in case I would become unbalanced.

Since then I've dealt with a court case where they parents of my wife were attempting to remove our kid out of our custody (long story). Brought another kid into the world. Emigrated twice. Stopped smoking, stopped smoking weed, stopped drinking coffee, significantly reduced drinking alcohol, and got a vegetarian/vegan diet. Also changed jobs 3 times. And am now in the process of buying a property.

I still have some major challenges to overcome, with agoraphobia, social anxiety, avoidance disorder, and PTSD being the main trouble. However I'm quite proud and very grateful for what I've been able to achieve so far.

We all walk our own paths, but feel free to reach out if you think I could help you out with something. I might be able to shed some light on some things.

@MistyMagic

Hey everyone! Just found out yesterday that I am on the Bipolar spectrum. One psychiatrist said I was Bipolar 2 (Ultra Rapid Cycling), the other said either 2 or Cyclothymia.

Regardless, I feel like understand myself better now. For 10 years I've been told I have depression. Anti depressants were the WORST, then I went on mood stabilisers and it changed myself.


BP tales from me include, buying one way plane tickets, bing eating, starting new business only to drop them days later when I drop out of the manic state. I love my wife for dealing with me for so long, without us knowing what the #### was wrong with me haha. She's the real hero here.

I loved the posts from all of you hear. Especially the one about 'focusing on sleep, eating and water' when in a hypomanic phase. I think, that's great, letting the energy out is a good thing, I mean, it's productive! As long as we are not hurting or damaging anything :)

I am excited to learn more about my special little demon now, lot's of love to all of you!! You're going to be ok! You're not alone!

I have been diagnosed for 17 years and have had the same doctor since then. I struggle with rapid cycling moods and she has always told me to exercise. As I hate it, I have always ignored her. But this year, four months ago, I started doing a fighting style form of exercise. This has made a MASSIVE change in my life, my mood and my body. I can't believe the change! The harder the exercise, the better the result. I'm sorry I never knew this earlier. Where I live, we are approaching Winter and my mood has only slightly been an issue and nothing like it usually is. So I just want to urge everyone to try hard to do some exercise! Thank you

In the last mania, I spent all my money, having fun in clubs, bars and drinking a lot. I had so much energy, I annoyed people. I planned a climb uphill. I began to do yoga, began to engage in scientific work. Oh, what I just didn't come up with. But this was soon replaced by depression, which always lasts unbearably long. I lie in bed all day, but I don't sleep. I'm just staring into the void. During particularly difficult periods, he attempted sui***de. It's unbearable. I'm tired of myself. After the last failed attempt, I began to hear voices that violently condemn me, laugh at me. They laugh at the fact that I didn't get it done Recently, I was changing clothes in my wardrobe to go home and pull up my scarf. I heard behind me groups of men telling me how to tighten the scarf around my neck. I was very scared, turned around - and of course there was no one there. I'm sure I'm being watched. It gets worse when I'm sick or very nervous.

@MistyMagic

Good morning could i please be added to this please

@MistyMagic

OOPs sorry i found out how to do Thanks