Question for all the men out there

@LunaMothx Well... the problem I run into is the defense mechanisms that I tend to run into dating those who are unhealed in one way or another, and as I am also working on my own healing, well... my defense mechanisms are a thing too... So..... To me, Im ok with the argument... as long as theres an apology.  Pretty much everything during that argument was probably just ***, with a few nuggets of real stuff to talk about...

No not to me.

@LunaMothx 

Hello Luna, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. It's crucial to understand that being mentally or emotionally unstable doesn't diminish someone's intrinsic value. 

Prioritizing one's health over dating is particularly important for persons who are not in a stable state of mind. Unstable individuals, especially women, are at a significantly higher risk of experiencing various forms of abuse in such relationships, whether it's psychological, physical, or sexual.

Attractiveness is a subjective concept influenced by societal standards and personal preferences, but it's not a defining factor of a person's worth. On the path to healing, seeking help from a healthcare professional and receiving support from family and friends is much more beneficial.

Take care and have a nice day 💚

@LunaMothx i am emotionally unstable and my boyfriend has anxiety. We both try to make accommodations for each other. It is tough but it is also easy to understand the other persons discomfort. People before this never understood us and we always got a "calm down" during our panic/ anxiety attacks. Everyone is different, whether this "works" for someone or not depends on the person in question. Some people out there are willing to "overlook" it but at the end of the day it also comes down to how much of it does not bother them 

@LunaMothx we each bring our own issues to a relationship, so don't for a minute think it is one-sided. If I remember reading correctly, your ex cheated on you - and your mental health is not an excuse for his behavior.

I once dated a woman who was Bipolar. It did not last not because she was Bipolar but our interests were markedly different. Later in life I wound up in a relationship with a woman who stalked me when I moved out. I tried as compassionately as possible, to let her down and I worked with her family to see that she got help.

Now I have my own issues: BPD, Depression, Essential Tremors. I married a woman with anxiety and post-partum depression issues. 4 years ago, Ra tumor was found in my spinal cord. I've now had 2 surgeries, but plenty of debilitating side effects. Most importantly, we just celebrated our 39th anniversary. We help each other heal by bringing out the best in others.

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@LunaMothx it wouldn't bother me, and yes i would try to help her heal

@LunaMothx i think there are both those who would find it less attractive but also those who would find it attractive! I would say be yourself! If you are feeling and behaving a certain way then that can't be wrong. One cannot have wrong feelings, you have the right to be and feel as you do. And even if one have a behaviour or feelings thats not ok, you have to accept your current state and situation before you can change it for the bwtter. There are a lot of less understanding people, don't listen to them! 

@LunaMothx

hey Luna..

in world noone is fully perfect at least to my knowledge. I guess it's absurd to be fixed for a 'prince on a white horse' or 'princess with a magic wand'.

Still miracle happens tho, but I think it's more important is to enjoy the moments we live than to lose it to worrying ;]

The only point of concern is  when the potential partner is too unmanageable to put up with. A relationship is a 2 player game  both have to invest love, while confiding into eachother with a sense of healthy boundary.

All are unique. it does not matter if some people don't like me or even hate me. People who vibe with me stay at the end.

So, "Heads up, deep breathe and game is on girl!!".

@LunaMothx It absolutely does not make someone undatable or less attractive. I dont speak for all men of course but i myself love helping people, and if i were to meet someone like that Id wanna do whatever i can to be there for them and help them.

If someone really loves you then they are more then willing to help you get through whatever hard times your facing. Thats what i think at least

@LunaMothx

I'm not a man just to preface

But I've noticed my male friends and boyfriend have all agreed on this, and that yes, you don't leave a friend to suffer alone and an S.O is a friend

only if this S.O is self deprecating constantly and putting themselves down and refusing to accept help. Apologizing isn't enough, actions have to speak as well.

Moral of the story: no matter how bad you think you messed up, youre doing okay. Don't call yourself stupid or a failure. 

I challenge you to not make self deprecating comments for one week- and really just focus on being kind to yourself. From whenever you read this to a week from then. For yourself and everyone you love. it's hard to see someone put themselves down a lot. You're doing okay :) Growth and mental improvement follows kindness to yourself

And if your first thought to a challenge like that is "I shouldn't or can't be kind to myself/I won't be able to" then you absolutely need to take up the challenge I just suggested

And just remember if you have a bad thought about yourself, that doesn't mean you've failed. Just follow it with a kind one :) you deserve kindness and you got this

Have a wonderful rest of your day, I'm glad you're here :)