One word to describe how I feel today is....

Exposed

Utter garbage

Defeated. I did just get a part out that was stuck in my die at work though, I can't get them usually🤷🏼‍♀️

Trampled

Apathetic

Apathetic

Foggy.

It has been hard to really understand what I feel, if at all. I was diagnosed with depression and GAD a year or two back, but have not sought out treatment (and cannot afford to now). That might explain my fogginess, the layers I've built around myself, and the distance I have from my wife. Then again, I doubt my problems are really all that serious and that I should just muscle through, you know? Everything is a bit muddled.

Ready

FUCKED UP!

Ashamed

between the pandemic and the holidays, realizing just how damaging all my mistakes in my life were and how many I made :( a lot unfortunately.

Most people get the option of keeping in touch virtually or in-game with friends during this pandemic, I don't. My best friends still treat me like a ghost, as if I was dead, a criminal.

and even before the pandemic, anything social I ever tried to plan always backfired. As someone on the Autism spectrum, I know socialization is not my forte; but never in a million years did I ever believe I screwed up that badly :(

that the thought of being in-game with me is unpleasant; that my best friends assume that I am a bigot; that any occasion or holiday I plan is overlooked, and just being around me apparently is a challenge :(