One word to describe how I feel today is....

Optimistic

Terrified

Hungry

anxious

Ashamed

Sent holiday egreeteting to my 2 twin best friends. Still not seen this much time later. Tells me they alike anything else from me is either ignored, spam filtered, deleted or blocked.

Never realized I screwed up that badly to be shunned for life, treated like a ghost and not even allowed to reconcile. Already 4 years this has gone on :(

Angry

mixed up

Determined

Alone

stone