I first noticed I was living with depression when......
I stayed in bed all the time.
I was in college and had been a very good student. Then I started skipping a lot of class and sleeping all day. I was still making decent grades, so my family didn't realize. I think I really realized something was wrong when one of my roommates pointed out that they barely saw me since I spent all day in my room, even eating all my meals there. I was also watching a lot of tv and movies (like most of the day) as an escape. I dropped out of college. While it didn't solve the situation, I actually think it was the right choice.
@Seacook
It looked very similar with me! It was building up exactly like this
@Seacook My story is very similar to yours. I was in denial until people pointed it out. I didn't eat, didn't sleep, slept a lot, but lost control completely and couldn't study at all. I also tried dropping out and working at a store for 6 months but it worsened my mental health in my case. I hope you the best, and that you can find your way to happiness! I'm still trying to find mine ahah
@WhiteWolf96
When have you noticed that it's depression? Hoe much time it lasted since you reached out? Because It took me about 2years! It worsened and I got anxiety problems later, cause I was always a good student and a happy, social person,but later it went down as my self esteem did.
@independentMaple7064
Omg, almost exactly the same for me. 1st year of college I was pretty social, was happy and got away with getting things done in the day before like I always did. But I didn't pass at a few classes (the harder ones). The 2nd year I decided to concentrate on my studies so that I could compensate for the year before. That was when things started to decline. I noticed I had grown a fear of studying and opening a book for me was as hard as like putting my hand on a fire. And as my results got worse (and I started forgeting things and running away), so did my fear. I was under so much pressure from colleages, professors, and mostly family that I just shut down at one point. Stopped atending classes out of fear, stopped going out, and it got worse and worse, because I was so ashamed of admitting what was happening to me. I didn't eat for days, slept too much or too little, cried for no reason, didn't do anything except lay in bed trying to numb myself to escape reality. I isolated myself completely, didn't answer calls from anyone, faked colds when people came by, I just couldn't handle anything. I let it eat me up to the point that nothing mattered anymore and I wouldn't mind dying at all, had suicidal thoughts all the time. My few friends that insisted on staying in my life, even though I wasn't being a friend for them, convinced me that I wasn't alright because somehow I was still in denial, I thought I could handle it alone. I started going to a therapist that didn't help much at the time, just reminded me of my childhood traumas. Then my family got involved, I ended up explaining to them my situation and, even though at first they labelled me lazy and got angry, they ended up agreeing to get me a psychiatrist. At the time I had been working at a store for about 6 months and was having nausea, fainting spells and headaches almost ever day from anxiety. I had nightmares at night that would turn into delirium because when I woke up they would continue in my head. I would sometimes have panic attacks that I thought would kill me because I couldn't breath.
I was diagnosed with OCD. Now I'm medicated and trying to take care of myself and deal with my problems.
But from the start (2nd year of college) up until now there has been roughly 3 years of denial, self hatred, apathy, anxiety, isolation, and so on.
I first noticed I was living with depression when I was younger as my dad and I would always butt heads to the point I was violent towards him, hitting him. I have always struggled to control my angry, in a healthy way.
@Laura
All I did was hang out in my room. When I got home from school, that was the first place I would go and I wouldn't talk to anyone. I also spent all my breaks alone and when I had to talk to people, I had to force a smile on my face so they would think I was ok.
This lasted for almost a year until I actually admitted I wasn't ok, I kind of knew I wasn't but I didn't want to worry anyone which was the biggest mistake I've ever made.
When matter how many times I tried, I kept noticing how life could go on without me.
When I had manic highs of happiness and then a few days later I couldn't get out of bed I was only 13 and I didn't know what was wrong with me.
It was only after seeing a therapist that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Could this be a symptom? I'm unsure but I've found myself sometimes say something and forgetting it's a mistake and remembering I made that mistake a few minutes or hours later. I had a conversation with a colleague few years ago and I remember talking about my daughter who at the time was about 13yrs old and I accidentally said she was born in 2011 which was the year my other child was born!. I realised I had made that mistake and corrected myself. I've had something like this happen a few times.
i stopped doing everything that i used to love, i felt useless and lonely, and i started harming myself just so i could feel physical pain. i started feeling empty and to this day, that never stopped
Nothing mattered anymore, not even my own life. And I thought about killing myself every day.
When I was sixteen and the internet was really showing up in schools; I was the generation that saw Oregan Trail morph into AOL and Yahoo and of course, Google. I'd been struggling since I was about eight with these feelings, but I never had a name other than "You're just acting out/you're psychotic/you're a pain in the ass." Start tentatively doing some research and realized that it's severe manic depression with bipolar traits. Tried to talk to the parents about it, got threatened with a mental institution, went silent till I was nineteen and could afford to get meds. Had some major ups and downs, though I've largely gotten everything under control right now, so I can at least safely say this:
It gets better. I promise it does. It sometimes takes a lot of work, a lot of struggle and blood and tears, but it does get better.
@knotsandstitches I hope everything is much better now. You've been through a lot. Never forget that you can count on the 7Cups community when you things get rough ♥.
@knotsandstitches thank you for sharing this. So glad you are here now
