I first noticed I was living with depression when......
Constantly trying to convince myself that i'm not depressed.
When nothing excites me. And when I realized I havent eaten in days.
@Laura when i started getting bullied in 9th grade moo...
I first noticed I was living with depression when.. I got nightmares every day and when I could survive with only 10 hours of sleep a week!~
I started thinking about how sweet death sounds and how it would take all my pain away at the age of five. I thought it would take me somewhere better than this hell of a planet.
When I could go weeks without eating and sleeping, kept thinking about how it would be better to die then keep living.
When I kept saying tomorrow should be better and I stayed in a routine of just school and home. I never wanted to do the activities I usually enjoyed and I started to close myself off from friends and family.
I would cry myself to sleep on the hard, cold ground, thinking I was too little to deserve the comforting bed, blanket, and pillow that I have.
Junior High. I remember exactly when. I had feelings of depression, not that I knew what it was back then, but this was the first time it really hit. I was walking with 4 friends, the largest amount I'd had in my life, in the courtyard. And then it got quiet in my head and I stopped. For some reason, it was really important to me that they would notice. I started counting the seconds, waiting for one to turn my way and notice I was gone from my previous spot; to look around. They made it all the way to class before they did. I was okay before that. I was okay and then I wasn't and that wasn't okay and I didn't know why my chest was so tight or why my hands were shaking but I was shaking and I was no longer okay, okay? Because if they didn't notice for 2 minutes 14 seconds then what about 3, or 4, or what if they weren't my friends, and I would be alone again and what if.... That's when I knew I was depressed. I knew it was depression but I didn't KNOW. I forgot the word but I knew the feeling. There were small moments like that that dot my childhood from as early as 4/5th grade till now but that one scared me, even if I didn't know why.
I don't feel anything. I'm just empty.