You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
I am crying while writing this as today I am not at the best phase of my life. There are quite a lot of emotions I am dealing with rn. I feel hurt, left alone, betrayed, depressed and so done with this life. I am exhausted with everything that I have dealt with in my life till today. Sometimes it feels like I am stuck in an unending loophole where I always get misunderstood by people. When I love them they feel as if I am harmful to them and then they leave me alone. People make promises to me and then they break it. In the end, I am deserted to feel hurt all by myself when the fact is that I play most of the part in any relationship or friendship. I give me all too soon too easily selflessly without even thinking twice and all I get in return is agony, suffering, heartbreaks. I am so done with this life and everything in my life. I am really hurt and I wanna put an end to it by any means. I have lost my inner peace today because I have lost a precious person in my life & I just couldn't do anything about it. I am so much helpless in this whole world. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have met him or at least should have controlled myself from getting closer to him but I didn't have a choice as I was in love and didn't see this coming anytime soon. I broke up with him and I feel like this whole world has stopped completely. I didn't even feel like this during lockdown when in reality everything is at a halt due to it but now that he is gone, everything seems so empty. There are hopelessness and tears in my eyes. Never had I ever felt this way in a while. The last time I felt this way was when I lost my grandpa 9 years back due to renal calculus. I literally have no idea as to what I am gonna do now. Cuz it took me two months straight to get out of the shock of my grandpa's death before. Here, the person didn't leave the earth but took away my inner peace, my smile, and even my hopes. I will never ever get to hear back from him after today and this fact alone is enough to kill me. I am completely devastated as he broke his promise. He said that he won't leave me on my own. He said that he would not want to end things between us and that he would want to be with me forever but I think this is what he meant by forever. After this day, I will never ever dare to get closer to anyone. I have always been selective of people and have only allowed a few of them to get close to me and know me the way I am and he was amongst those people whom I trusted blindly thinking that at least I will have him forever but I was so wrong. I made a mistake choosing him it seems. Only if I knew what the future would bring, I wouldn't have ever fallen for him. I feel as if I made a fool of myself by being transparent with him. No amount of sugar-coated talks can soothe my hurt soul now. This is a near-death experience for me and my challenge is to survive this painful event now.... I cannot muster enough courage, I feel defeated....😭
Rant
Part 1: All Take, No Give
In these hard times many are struggling and need friends or family to turn to. A friend of mine is lucky enough that he got to keep his job and work from home. I, on the other hand was not so fortunate. And, though I am happy for him that he is was fortunate, he is making it difficult to remain so because of his constant gloating of the work hes doing and never inquiring as to the state of my situation. While Ive managed to do more freelance work, ive also continued my personal work, but he usually disregards these and will continue to chat about his work, sometimes asking my opinion or getting my notes, which he then interrupts or dismisses. So, then I ask myself, then whyd you ask?. Hell pick up that I want that to get back to my work and then later interrupt again by asking for me to look over the current product.
I know everyones work is important to them, but that doesnt mean my work matters less. This is a common event with friends and I wish I knew a better way to express that if they arent going to do the same for me then dont come to me without looking like the bad guy.
Rant
Part 2: Friendship Does NOT grant Liberties
During this quarantine, I was invited to stay with him and his sister because I am also experiencing unrelated health issues that I felt it would be beneficial for safety measures. While were all working from home, I feel he has the best intentions at heart, keeping himself positive and loving the work hes doing, but Ive noticed his gloating tendencies are even more constant. I believe there needs to be a point where he sees that he is letting his ego overpower itself. Ive noticed when people are successful they become overly confident and tend to behave differently and disregard boundaries. I understand when people are happy they want to embrace the people they consider close to them- But I dont like being touched. Like, not at all! (Jessie Pinkman, Breaking Bad). I can tolerate a hug now and again, but touching me is a negative for anyone.
This is where I loath how overconfidence leads to acts of entitlement, ESPECIALLY in Men. I established my ground rules and know Ive expressed them clear as day. But I always know that- to him- Ill end up looking like im overreacting. However, if thats what I need to do to get my point across then I will.
In all honesty. I just wanna go home.
I've never talked to anyone about my depression before, so I'm not sure how to explain it properly, but...
Basically my mother suffers from PTSD and severe anxiety and depression due to an traumatic childhood. Her family hated her and beat her. She has literally never known love.
Now, I see these patterns of coldness towards me. It didn't use to be this bad, but lately she's been getting angry at me for little mistakes and generally making me feel like I can't do anything right. I recently graduated high school with my associates and I thought she would be proud, but she literally did not give a damn. I felt terrible for bringing it up.
I completely understand where she's coming from and I have never once talked back to her or complained about her behavior, but it's getting incredibly hard to deal with and I've fallen into a severe depression. I dealt with anxiety and an eating disorder before this but it has all seemed to hit me at the same time and I find myself thinking unpleasant thoughts
I can't talk to her about it at all because mental health is a stigma in our house, and she is the type of person who hates talking about her problems. I don't have any real friends either, as she is overprotective.
I'm at a complete loss as to what to do.
Ugh screw doctors that randomly drop you as patients because they were "unable to reach you" when they called twice. I don't have my cell phone with my all the time - a HEALTHY habit! Shocking I'm now being punished for it but not shocking because behavioral health doctors in the US are some of the most horrid people I've ever come across. They only care about their money. Heaven forbid I don't get back to you straight away! Oh no, better fire the bad patient she isn't worth time and help! UGH. How do these people live with themselves especially when THIS is happening to the world right now? People have other things to think about besides answering their phone!
i need so much love. by body and mind is saying make me happy. i can't till tomorrow. I just want to wash my hair, eat a lot of rice, take care of my skin, and relaxe. I feel spiritually depleted. Mmm this hw is sucking the thinking i have.
i can't control my emotions anymore. i used to be able to control myself for the most part but now it's getting out of hand. everyday i make trips to the bathroom to just cry and try and get myself together because it seems like it just hits me at random times. i feel like this only happens to me, if this happens to you please let me know because i feel like i'm losing my mind. i'm just so depressed and sad and lonely and it's just really getting the best of me. i don't know what to do or how to gain control because it seems like my depression is so much bigger than i am. i wish i could just completely isolate myself from my family so i don't have to mislead them anymore. there's something wrong with me and i really want to let them know what's going on but i'm scared to bring it up because i don't know how. so if anyone can help me out that'd be great... i already feel like i'm talking too much and nobody should bother reading this. sorry i took up your time, i just obviously don't feel good right now
@briannamari3
This is going to be a little long so sorry ahead of time. It took me like 30 minutes to write this. I hope what I said offers so form of encouragement for you.
First off all, I'd like thank you for posting this. I know this must be difficult for you to discuss, so I appreciate you being open and vulnerable. Secondly, you are not bothering anyone talking about your feelings. This is a safe community to talk about how you are feeling. So don't feel like you are taking up our time or being an inconvenience and bothersome to us because here, your feelings are importance and validated. We care about you and want to help you get through your issues. Its okay not to feel good right now.
Now regarding your depression, out of all the post I have seen on this forum, I feel this one is probably one of the most relatable, if not the most relatable post Ive ever read. I can 1000% say that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. You are not losing your mind, I can guarantee that. Unfortunately, at a young age, I was told by my Father that there was no use in crying in situations about things you cant change, because crying in itself would make you weak and wouldn't change anything. So ever since then, I didnt cry very often. If I did, most of the time it would be in the bathroom or in room. I still to this day struggle with showing my emotions and being truthful about how I feel. I cant verbally communicate about how I feel. Like you said about isolating yourself, I have tried that myself. I as well, didnt want to waste my parents time and energy having to worry about me. I didnt want my emotions to be this heavy burden my family had to deal with. I hated the fact that my parents have to deal with me, I even hated having to deal with my own emotions. It sucks.
Some advice Id give to you, I told another user this as well. 1) Please please tell your parents about how you feel right now. Be open with them and tell them about your depression. If you cant formulate the words aloud, try writing them down. You can either leave the note somewhere theyll see it or you can get them (maybe at the dinner table) and read what you wrote to them. Either way, you are starting a conversation with them, and it could be your roadway to getting the help and support you need. 2) Its important to note that it's completely normal to feel how your feeling. Depression doesnt discriminate, anyone can have depression whether you are a minority, rich, man, woman, it doesnt matter. Dont listen to people who tell you that you are too this or that to have depression. And dont let anyone tell you that your feelings dont matter and that they are invalid. I know what that feels like, and I try to remind myself and everyone else who feels this way, that theyre feelings are important as well. 3), Finally, take care of yourself. I know with depression it can be hard but if possible try to maintain your health. Drink water, eat healthy, reward yourself when you do. Do stuff that makes you happy. Try to remember the good times.
I hope things get better for you mentally, physically, and emotionally. Agaim, tell your parents, Im sure theyre going to offer help and support for you. If not, I along with many people in this community, will provide support and help you get through what you are going through. If you are feeling alone, you have me as a friend if you need encouragement.
-4001462
So, it turns out that my brother got the official papers from the lawyer yesterday, to finalize his divorce. Although we've known this will happen sooner or later, he was still sad upon receiving the papers. In his mind, as long as nothing was finalized, there is still a lingering chance, although she was the one that left him since last year in January. During the weekdays, he's usually awake by 6:30am, as he exercises before he starts his work from home. It's almost 10:30am now, and the door to his room is still closed. My mum told me about the papers and his sadness when I was having my breakfast. I feel heartbroken for him too. When she left him, he tried many times to mend things, but she was the one who wasn't willing to make an effort. My brother had always been the family-oriented typed, as this is how we were raised. So, he really hoped that she'd changed her mind and that they'd get back together again. Now, none of this will ever happen. I heard him say once that he'll never get married again.
Here, I'm thinking.. my parents will be so disappointed and worried for our future. Since I'm still single, and brother is divorced. We'd basically only have each other once our parents are gone. There is one more advantage for my brother though, at least he's got one best friend and other friends. While I have no one. I feel like I'll be dwelling about this fact for some time again. Although this thought always hits me frequently, and makes me depressed. It'll just be worse this time, because of the papers he's received and that we all know how he feels. One member in the family can change the mood of the entirety of us~
okay so my family has this really close friend and he has a kid who
@briannamari3
Hey I can defintionley relate to what you are saying. Feeling like your parents are not going to believe you and feeling like your feelings in a way are invalid? In this case there is other person who is also going throught what I assume you going through as well. As hard as it will be, I think you should defititiely tell them. Open up to them and tell them how you've been feeling in regards to your depression. I promise you, your feelings are not an incovience to your parents. I'm hopeful that your parents will help you seek the treatment, or proffesional help that are catered to your needs. And if your parents don't believe or believe your feelings are invalid, know that I will always believe you and your feelings are valid to me.
I hope this helps a little bit, stay safe!
-4001462
@4001462
thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot to me. i'll take your advice and talk to them about it. thank you for the encouragement
@briannamari3
Of course, your'e welcome! I hope everything goes well with you! Stay safe!
P.S I hope everything with your neighbour gets better as well!
I did a lot of work yesterday with moving wood to the back of the house and even with a dolly- by the time I was done-my left arm hurt a LOT if I tried to move it too the point I couldn't even pour my own milk for supper last night due to how sure my arm is and yet my parents espically my Mom want me to do the rest of the ***** wood today and I DON'T WANT TOO!! I want to sit on my *** today and do nothing.