I can't cope with ending up alone
Hi everyone,
I know I'll be single for the rest of my life and I'll never get married or have kids and it's killing me. I'm hideous and it's impossible a girl would ever like me. And it's fine. No woman deserves to be with someone like me. There are million of normal guys out there, so I understand them. Knowing I'll never experience loving someone that loves me back hurts. I haven't slept well in months, since I spend my nights thinking and suffering about this. Every time I see a couple walking in the street it makes me want to cry. Even seeing pictures or tv shows where romance is involved hurts and makes me sad.
This was something that gave meaning to my life and, since it's impossible, I don't see the point of getting out of bed every morning or living anymore. What's the point? Life isn't worth this pain and I'm scared of being a 70 something, feeling regret and sadness and just waiting to die. If this hurts now, I can't imagine how painful with be in the future.
I dont want to get sad knowing Ill never get a girlfriend, get married, have kids and spend our lives together. I just want to accept my fate and stop worrying about something I cant change. Or at least be able to sleep well and be somewhat happy being alone.
What can I do? How can I keep going? My life is a living hell right now and I don't want to suffer like this for the rest of my life.
I use to think that I would never meet someone who would accept me for who I am. It took me years to finally meet someone, he is my husband for more than 13 years now. I got married late; a few day after I turned 33. When it comes to how I look, well.. I'm not pretty but I don't want to dwell on my appearance because I can not changed how I look. This is me, take it or leave it. I'm thankful I met a man who doesn't judge. I know it's not easy being alone and thinking it's because one isn't attractive, but who are we to judge one's look.
That's all I can say.
I'm in the same boat. I'm disabled and nobody would ever love a useless crippled freak that can't even work. I wish somebody would just fucking kill me. I hate being alive.
@tluper6491
But?
@tluper6491
Being disabled does not make you less than anyone. We all have a purpose in life no matter what struggles we go through. Believe that. Live each day as if it were your last. You are not alone in this. Let's all get through life together one day at a time. God bless and stay safe!
You know I relate to how you feel as well. What helped me a lot was the phrase "don't try to find the right person, try to become the right person instead". And this really made me think you know? Instead of focusing on things you can't change, focus on things you can. Learn how to cook or provide for yourself, that way, if you happen to stumble upon a person you're as ready as you can be. People expect that being in a relationship will somehow magically fix all their problems but this is simply not the case. Keep focusing on stuff you can make better now and don't dwell on stuff you can't change. Become a little better at something every day.
Hey @affectionateTown1365. I have the same fear. I would like to talk in detail about this with you if you dont mind opening up and sharing. I have an idea which I think will help both of u. Please reach out to me if you are ok to try and do something about this feeling
@littleNest6158
How? We can't sent dms or something like that
Have you tried dating sites? I can recommend this https://wickedlist.com/ one. I have tried a lot of different sites and apps, but this one is the best option for me so far. The platform is really easy to use, and the navigation is quite clear.
Dear affectionateTown1365,
I saw your post and it really makes me sad to think that someone feels so low about themselves. A relationship doesn't define who you are. Even the most goodlooking people can have troubles with getting and staying in a relationship. I believe it has also to do with luck. People who love and are loved back, are very lucky indeed. But then again, let me ask you something. How can someone, no the right one, love you when you don't even love yourself? A relationship is doomed to fail if it's the only thing that brings you luck and a good feeling. That should also come within yourself.
Why do you think you are so hideous? It's also about what is in your heart. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Learn to love yourself first, the rest will follow, I am sure of that.
If you would like to talk more about this matter you can always send me a message. Stay strong and keep your head up!
Best wishes,
Daphne
@DearDaphne
Hi. Thank you for taking your time to give me some advice.
> But then again, let me ask you something. How can someone, no the right one, love you when you don't even love yourself?
Did anyone has ever been rejected because "you don't love yourself enough?". Like if people could know how you feel about yourself by just looking at you. It's just normie advice and it only means "love yourself because no one else will ever love a hideous and untalented piece of human garbage like you and you're too ugly to be loved by someone who's not blind, tasteless or desperate and still there's no one such desperate so you better kill yourself and stop wasting everyone's life"
If I was loved (romantically), then I would love myself too, because it means I'm someone worth and good enough, because I'm loved. As long as I'm despised, then it means that I'm useless and unlovable. To love yourself, you have to be loved first.
> Why do you think you are so hideous? It's also about what is in your heart.
It's all about looks. For be loved, first someone has to be attracted to you. Did anyone has ever been rejected because "you don't love yourself enough?". Like if people could know how you feel about yourself by just looking at you. It's just means "love yourself because no one else will ever love a hideous and untalented piece of human garbage like you and you're too ugly to be loved by someone who's not blind, tasteless or desperate and still there's no one such desperate so stop wasting everyone's life". If you're not above average look-wise, then there's nothing you can do IMO. Being interesting, having hobbies and passions may only make you a good friend but never a spark romantic interest.
And I'm hideous because my head is too big. My hair is gross. My eyes are too big. My nose and ears are big and pointy. My lips look weird. Overall, my face is disgusting. So it's normal and fine to end up alone and never be loved. No one should ever settle for someone like me.
Dear @affectionateTown1365,
Thankyou for taking your time to write a response. It's so sad for me to hear, that someone thinks so negative about themselves. You say that looks attract a person, that's very true but again personality does too. Looks will never be the only thing that keeps someone at your side and if it's only about looks, then every person in a relationship right now is defined as beautiful/goodlooking?
And I do truly believe that one should love themself first in order to gain healthy relationships or a lot of other things in life.
The longest relationship is with yourself.
The only person who will be with us from the moment we are born, until the moment we die, is ourselves. 24 hours a day 7 days a week throughout your life you will be with yourself. Now, let me ask you something, who would you rather spend the rest of your life with, someone who loves you or someone who doesn’t? In your case it's obvious what you are doing but the answer should be something else, but usually, we don’t realize that we are living with someone abusive, aggressive, arrogant, and negative inside. We must realize the things we tell ourselves because we are the ones who set the example to others of how to treat ourselves.
You can only give what you have.
This is a fundamental part of life because no matter how much we want to give others a million things, we can only give what we have. Imagine you want to give someone water to someone, but you don’t have it at home. In that case, you go, buy a bottle of water and give it to those who need it.
It is the same with love. To be able to love another person purely, we first need to love ourselves completely. Enough relationships end because of behaviour or other things that a person does, who hates themselves.
I could say a lot more but I think I explained my point of view enough. I am truly sorry for what you are going through and I wish I could be of more help to you. Please take care.
Best wishes,
Daphne