Children with Disabled Parents
I found article on how devastating can be for children if they have one or both disabled parents. The link is below.
Therefore, negative outcomes for children of disabled parents.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9645595/
It is why i , as disabled person, am unwilling to have a kid - from fear that i will traumatize him or her with just being disabled even though i would give him or her everything he or she needs.
Furthermore, this kind of articles don't help me being positive and optimistic.
@CheerySandi. I don’t like this article at all. I don’t believe that just because someone is disabled that they can’t be a good parent and automatically traumatize their children.
This is such a complex topic!
This paper was a bit specific in that it was looking at children of American veterans. War creates trauma in families. A traumatic, disabling event will have an impact on an entire family.
It's ok to decide to not have kids for a wide range of reasons. It's also ok to decide to have children, I will add the caveat of having the resources to care for them. Disabled people can make wonderful parents. Having enough resources includes financial and but is more than that. What is needed will vary for each family though and how that can be achieved doesn't need to be done in a set way. Support systems can make a huge difference. All families face some type of struggle.
I decided quite a while ago to not have kids, before I knew about any serious illnesses. Going through life in my body though would have shaped that decision. If someone else has similar health issues and decides to have kids I support that.
@AffyAvo
thank you for your answer. Therefore even disabled parents can be wonderful parents. I have no kids, but my brother has them and i, because of above mentioned article, i also suspected that i have been an awful aunt for almost 17 years now due to my disability.
I try to give my nephews as much as i can, but as i see:
- they always wanted and still want to play on their own without me being involved - which is maybe ok
- i was never able to hear what they were talking to me because they weren't adjusting their speech to me (i have got hearing loss) - they were not looking towards my face, etc, when they were speaking and so, i could never understand me. Their mother (my brother's wife) and my brother protected my nephews (their kids) saying that they are just kids and they can't force them to adjust to my needs and that they will learn when they will be adults. But, i already have no connection with their oldest kid, my 16 years old niece which is true also for my younger nephews.
- the above mentioned issue contributed to my feeling that i am awful aunt (other of their aunts and uncle have more connection to them than me) and that i would be awful parent if i had kids.
@CheerySandi What a thought-provoking thread, thanks.
I wanted to highlight this sentence that you said . .
"disabled parents can be wonderful parents. "
That article was very specific, very sad, and understandable too, trauma from war can be all-consuming and the effects are vast and boundless. But, I know quite a few parents with disabilities and they are all wonderful parents. their love knows no bounds and in my opinion, that is what children need first, to know they are loved.
Of course, it is each person's choice whether to become a parent or not, and that I respect, as many do want, and many don't want, and similarly many have parenthood thrust upon them.
What an interesting topic.
Listening - One Step At A Time!
@MistyMagic
Yes, it is very true. i am granddaughter of 4 grandparents (2 grandmothers and 2 grandfathers) traumatized by war and i know how traumatizing can it be. Even though they were traumatized, they gave birth of 14 kids (grandmother and grandfather on my father's side 9 kids and grandmother and grandfather on my mother's side 5 kids). They were all able to upbring them even though the economic situation at that time, (first years after 2nd world war) was dire and traumatizing itself.
@CheerySandi. I like what was said here that “disabled can make wonderful parents “. I also think that there are some non disabled people who might not be such great parents !
@adventurousBranch3786
yes, it is very true and i agree with you very much.
Thank you very much for all the support.