Hesitent to visit former congregation for Passover
Hi:
I am going to put this post here because I could not find the autism support page, so I came here instead.
Since Passover is coming up, I am looking at visiting a synagogue that I haven't been to in 5 years for a Passover Seder. This is especially since the event is free and but it's a potluck. However, I had a plethora of problems while I attended synagogue.
1. When they found out that I am autistic
- The last Rabbi made it known to me that I didn't fit in and that my quirks were making others feel uncomfortable
- The last Rabbi told me that I had to learn how to socialize before I could join the music team, in the meantime, help clean up after lunch as it was a great area for me
- Several people tried to tell me that I had to work on my social skills in order to start making connections with people, while hardly anyone in my peer groups made an effort to invite me to do things with them outside of services.
- Several people reminded me that I have autism and assumed that my behaviors and interactions were related
- Several people there grew very cold when I learned that I stood up for myself in an inappropriate when a visitor made fun of me by not only laughing at me but also sitting next to me to do it.
- I also associated who not only turned out to be fake friends but were also extremely toxic.
2. I left and ended up feeling really hurt and angry and I ended up blowing up at the Rabbi, left several messages on their voice mail and I let loose
- When the former rabbi was still in authority, another, who I thought was a friend stabbed me in the back. She said that other people's congregation told her not to associate with me because I am not walking with God. When I tried to explain to her that I was mad that they were not interested in being my friend, she went on to talk about herself and about how she worked with a woman who has very little patience and then cut the conversation short.
Now, that woman isn't there anymore either, as far as I know. I am also wondering how many of those other people are even there. I know that the other toxic couple is still there as well and they are in leadership.
Again, I want to go because there is a new rabbi there and I would not mind explaining my situation to him and see what I can get worked out. What are your thoughts?
@Summershy
Hard to say. Do you have other congregation that you go to?
Personally, I wouldn't go because it wasn't just a toxic person or a few. Plus, the other members were also banding together with the toxic people; even if they haven't out right being mean to you, their behavior says a lot. Any new person that mesh with them, may also have similar behaviors or mindset.
But it is just me. Please make a choice you can live with.
@Mdreaming101
Hi:
Thanks for getting back to me on this I had a chance to pray about it and talk to my therapist. It came to me to steer clear.
My counselor said that since I had been angry with them in the past, more anger would probably be stirred up.
As for other venues, I have another current synagogue but I was also looking for another venue for the second night. However, I found a different place to visit that looks promising, so.
@Summershy I'm glad that you found a place that has potential!
Something you could consider is also bringing someone with you to offer some support.
You're welcome here! The autism topic is in support plus.
Thank you for your kind words and I haven’t thought twice about going up to that congregation since my counselor talked me out of it.
The reason she was against it was because she’s the most concerned about that couple being there and especially the husband. He was pretty abusive to me.
@Summershy very understandable to not go back!
However, they have a great passover dinner but it’s not worth it
Yeah because that toxic couple are in leadership there and they make themselves out to be someone they aren’t.