Anorexia - how do you actually feel today?
Next long day with starving myself... it's so uncomfortable but I can't! I am so worried about my body and so stressed about eating whatever...
@DianaV - It's good that you're worried about your body because that means that you are taking this seriously. It's not easy, but if you're ready to heal your body, you can. What is the first step that you can take today towards that?
So I began today again with my unhealthy behavior. I haven't thrown up in over a month and today, I threw up. I am starting to starve again too. It is so hard....I just want to be skinny again.
I'm considered "recovered" because I went through all the processes years ago, and I'm no longer underweight. But I don't feel recovered. Some days, I have a grip on it. But latley that's not the case. I have a gluten allergy so I can't really eat a lot of stuff they make at work, ( I work at a nursing home) but this weekend I was able to eat the breakfast, snacks, and lunches they made. And because in my mind I feel like I ate so much, today I'm feeling fat, and bloated, and unhealthy and I hate it. I feel so conflicted and frustrated because I never know if I've actually eaten too much or if it's my brain telling me I have. I've been "recovered" for a couple years now but I feel like I'm losing my grip on all my ED thoughts and behaviors. And I don't know how to tell the people I love what I'm feeling because I know it scares them. How am I feeling today? Fat and lonely.
@GinandBaileys - I can relate to this a lot. I've actually recently started going back to my old support group, not because I feel like I'm relapsing, but because I've realized that sometimes even in recovery, you need that same support you had before. One girl there pointed out to me that it's often when you're doing well that you need to put in the good recovery work to make sure that when things are harder, you have strong habits to fall back on. Are there things from when you were recovering that might be helpful to reintroduce to your life now to help you maintain?
@Anomalia that is a good idea, going back to your original support. It's so hard to talk to people who don't have an ED about it. I think once I get health insurance I might go back. There were a few things that helped me. A lot of the art therapy and journaling helped the most. I'm thinking of getting a self help book so maybe with worksheets to do in it to get back in touch with my healthy side. That's teall good you went back for extra support its not an easy thing to do :)
I'm maiking myself a healthy breakfast today, but I still have a lot of thoughts about my day. I'll be out all day- and I can't decide if I should bring something with me to eat or allow the hanger to take over. I've been feeling fat recently :/
@MovingForward23
Proud of you for reaching out for support <3 hope the thoughts are less loud now <3
I'm actually getting through my recovery after 7 years of being severely ill, recovering and relapsing. I had a mcflurry today for the first time in years! And fought back against my exercise compulsions and didn't exercise today.
It is so important to recognise that this is a journey. Your negative moments matter of course, but they do not define you. Xx
@marvelousMermaid87 - SO proud of you! That's really fantastic, and I hope that mcflurry tasted amazing! Keep fighting - you are a warrior!