Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
I feel disgustingly fat. I'm a bulimic with anxiety and depression. I can't believe I ever let myself slip into this skin and I want to escape. I began recovery two weeks ago and I can't handle it.
@eaxx - I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time with recovery. The first few weeks are definitely the hardest, but you've made it through two, and that's amazing! It takes time to stop feeling that shame and disgust with your body, but it does eventually come. What helps me when I'm feeling that way is to focus on what my body can do or what I want to be able to do, rather than on what it looks like (for instance, my legs are strong and let me walk for miles in the city with my friends; the muscles in my arms let me hold my baby cousin; etc.) Good luck, you can do this!
I feel like a monster when come to eat.I struggle from BED. Binge eating disorder. Unlike bulimic, I unable to purge. That make me crazy when my stomach are extremely bloated and i feel bad n hate myself for eating too much.
@amiableJackfruit9586 - I know that feeling all too well, and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with it. The only words of wisdom I can offer is to try to just be forgiving with yourself. BED is an illness, and the binge is the symptom. Treat yourself with kindness and try to speak to yourself as you would a dear friend.
As for the binging, I find that sometimes binges can be slowed or stopped by giving yourself permission to binge, but only if you wait 20 minutes first. Sometimes knowing that you can will help calm you a bit, but the waiting will help alleviate some of the urges. Not sure if that will work for you, but it might be worth a try.
You can also always reach out to a listener here when you need some extra support or a distraction. There are loads of people who would be happy to listen and support you. Take care.
Had to fast dor two days for a test...I'm now afraid I'll go back to overeating. Summer is always the hardest..
@TheInfiniteSea - Summer can definitely be a really tough time! Just try to take it one day (or even one meal) at a time and do the best you can.
One of my favorite quotes: ?Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it, I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward in my recovery?
I've never had problems with eating but I haven't been eating much recently and Ikeep telling myself Ishould make myself sick but Iknow Ishouldn'tand its like my cutting all over again, Iwant to do it but Iknow Ishouldn't and Idon't want to give up when I've been doing so well. I think it might be related to my self harm urges getting worse again, maybe I think its another way of hurting myself.
@falloutLightwood99 - A lot of people transition from self-harm to an eating disorder or vice versa. Both tend to satisfy the same need, just in different ways, but both are also definitely harmful coping mechanisms. What helped you in the past to stop self-harming? Do you think similar things could help here? Do you have other coping mechanisms that might give you the same release without hurting yourself? Take care!
Aarrrggg!!! I was doing so well! And this morning I woke up and I was already starving!! Anyways so i tried to play the day right ate breakfast then didn't eat till three and then after i ate lunch i even had a snack! Later on I ate dinner and i felt so fat! I hated the feeling i hadn't eaten that much in days!! Anyways I screwed up and ate more and then purged and took a bunch of laxatives... I am so ashamed why couldn't I just make it through the day! The worst part is that even after purging i now that tomorrow i will go on the scale and probably gained weight! I hate that I wasn't able to control myself and just not eat! I don't even know what I am doing anymore every time i think i have the upper hand and i think that i am doing better and that i can control myself i cant!!!!!!!
I'm so sorry you're fighting this battle too. I'm in a weird place myself right now, but sending you the strength to conquer this.
I know how frustrated with yourself you are, but what I read here was that you successfully ate 'normal' meals and snacks all day before having a b/p episode at night. That sounds like ~12 hours of success, which counts for a lot! Yes, it's hard to not make it all the way through the day, but counting successes where they happen is important, too.
Today is a new day and a new chance. Forget what happened yesterday, ignore the scale, and just try to get through today the best you can. You are strong, and you can absolutely do this!
@anomalia thanks for the support and encouragement. I am lost as to what i should do today. On the one hand i am like how can i possibly eat i don't even deserve it i am fat and i overate yesterday so why should i eat today- if i eat i will not lose weight and just get fatter and fatter. However i know that if i don't eat i can only keep it up for a while before i binge and purge again, which i don't really want to do. And I'm nervous that if i eat i wont be able to control myself.
In a way its easier just not to eat cuz then you don't have to worry about losing control and purging and things are just simpler.
@Sarzgb - I know it's hard, but the best wisdom I can offer is to let go of yesterday and focus only on eating healthily today. You said it exactly right - if you start restricting today to make up for yesterday, you're setting yourself up for another cycle of binging down the line. But if you eat normal, healthy portions today, and then do the same tomorrow and the next day, slowly you'll start to break that cycle and move forward. That doesn't mean you'll never slip or that it will be easy, but I really think the best thing you can do is focus only on today, only on the next meal, and just make the best possible decision you can in any moment, while forgiving yourself for all other moments.
I think I've posted this before, but it remains super relevant:
?Today I will do my best. If I have a good day, I will be proud of myself. If I have a bad day, I will not dwell on it, I will forgive myself, I will put it behind me and I will continue to move forward in my recovery?
Also, "Strive for progress, not perfection"
Um. . . Very very scared. . . Trying my best. Constant urge to eat a lot of fruit but I'm so afraid to even though it makes me happy because I usually eat and stream videos for pleasure. I have been eating a lot of other foods I guess but I still just want fruit out of preference hunger and pleasure. But of course, I'm afraid to.
@tryingtobreatheagain - Is there something about eating fruit specifically that scares you? I think it's important to recovery to be able to eat the things you enjoy so that you can relearn normal enjoyment from meals. Of course, that requires balanced meals and not just fruit, but it sounds like there's some room for fruit in it. Can you tell us more about what's going on and how we can best support you? Take care
Really having a hard time with over eating lately. Working on pinpointing triggers or anything to help, but kind of getting stuck in 'poor me land', especially when things from my ex keep creeping back into my life after 2 years :(
@Boopei - It can be really easy to get stuck in 'poor me' land, and while it's totally fine to visit, it's dangerous to live there. But it also sounds like you're taking all the right steps. Tracking your moods and triggers for over-eating to identify things to avoid or times that you need some extra support will really help to get through this.
It also sounds like you're struggling with some old feelings coming up. Have you been able to talk to anyone in your life about what's going on? Or someone on here? Sometimes just being able to vent a bit and open up about what you're dealing with can make it a lot easier to manage.
You're making great progress, and you can keep moving through this. I believe in you.
@Anomalia - I really need to somehow let the past go, that's one big thing I've discovered. Embracing that I've learned lessons from it, and taking the wisdom from it, is only one part, but there's some other thing missing. Maybe time will fix it?
I've been talking to a few people about it, but it gets frustrating when I'm told to just 'get over it'. I'm proud of how I handled things and got my life back on track instead of wallowing, but now that the past has slapped me in the face, I'm questioning the ways I've dealt with things, making me unsure of a lot.
Maybe the whole thing is, I just need to be patient and continue to roll with the punches. I just feel lonely sometimes, and although I have hope for the future, sometimes I get discouraged. Discouragedthat because of me wearing what I call my 'fat armor', I'll be lonely for a while. But I have a cheerleader in my head that's like 'DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP! You're so so close, just deal with this 'one' last thing, and it'll all come together'. So I'm listening to that inner cheerleader.It's hard to realize that after years and years of being judged harshly for my weight, and hearing 'you're so pretty, if only you'd lose weight', thatnow 'I' am the one who judges myself the harshest of all.
I am just 17 years old but I eat a lot due to which i m becoming obese .Everytime i try to find something to eat in the house. I want to be fit and healthy but I cant control my eating
@Hemlock3528 - It can be really hard to feel out of control around food and overeating/binging is a problem for a lot of people - you are not alone! What can help a lot is to start figuring out if there are particular things that trigger you to overeat and similarly, what things make it easier for you not to. A lot of people will start journaling or tracking things in their day (whether people they interact with, feelings of sadness/anger/loneliness/etc., or other key events) as well as when they have episodes of overeating to try to find the commonalities. Do you know what any of your triggers might be?
I am 45kgs from the start, but I have been doing the eating disorder for 1 year and a half. My weight now dropped from 45 to 30 which caused me many heart and kidney failures and other health issues. My parents had me under watch in the hospital I had mental health treatment but it still not working. I feel like I'm dying slowly.
@plumGlobe6477 - my heart aches for you. Has there been anything along the way that has helped, even just for a bit? I'm not sure how long you've been in the hospital or in treatment more generally, but it can take a lot of time to get on track. And when your weight has dropped so severely, sometimes the weight restoration piece has to happen first before the emotional work can really start to take effect (as hard as that is to gain the weight back without feeling any differently). I believe in your ability to get through this and to live, and I'll be thinking of you. Take care.
I was in the beginning stages of anorexia last year around this time of year, but eventually my mum got a hold of me and told me to stop or else she'll force me to eat and send me to a mental hospital (which is so unnecessary). It's been a while now, but I can't help but want to go back to the way I was before. And I am really trying to, but the thing is, I can't control myself. I now binge on everything and although I have thoughts of making myself vomit, I don't do it. I know it's not good for me, but I hate who I've become and I just want to be anorexic again. :(
@nothing4691 - I can relate to what you're saying, My journey started with restricting, moved to purging, then to binging, before landing in recovery, so I have been in that place of missing a different version of the disorder. Are there things in your life that you can focus on that have improved because you've stopped restricting? Are there parts of that previous stage that you are glad to be done with? Focusing on those might help with motivation to stay where you are.
It also sounds like you've dealt with the symptom of the ED of restricting, but not necessarily with the underlying causes of why you felt you needed to. Have you ever spoken with anyone (a counselor at school, a therapist, etc.) about what's going on and how you're feeling? Do you think it might help?
Take care, sweetie - you can do this.
