Eating Disorder Community - How do you actually feel today?
After weeks without having any problems, I let my anxiety get the better of me and ended up binging. It's frustrating to have slipped, but I understand that it's part of the recovery process. I'm going to keep trying, because I want to get to a place where I don't feel the need to binge in order to cope with life.
I am in the exact same boat. I made it 3 years strong without relapsing. But, just over a month ago I fell apart. 34 days to be exact. I needed to find coping control over something, anything. And so I relapsed.
I know it's a part of recovery, this whole "pick yourself back up and start again" thing. And it's harder every time you fall again, and you break. But just know you're not alone. You are enough. And you are loved more than you know.
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And you can do this. Lean on those who are there to help you, and take it a day at a time.
It's hard just to know that what your feeling--all of the anxiety--that it impacts you so much, but don't let it define you. You can do this, and you're not alone.
@SkyUnicorn and @JustSignByTheX - you are both so right - it's incredibly hard to slip after feeling like you've made so much progress, but it is a part of the recovery process. You are strong and you can get back on track, and acknowledging what happened, but also knowing that it's natural and ok is a big step in self-awareness and self-forgiveness. You two are both inspirations and I'm so proud of you both!
Was talking to a member a while back and what she said to me really stuck.
"Girls like me... grew up rarely believing that we were beautiful, because no one ever told us that we were. we make friends who like to complain about their stomachs, noses, thighs, everything. and we join in because thats what you do right? And so we never told ourselves we were beautiful. as we grow up we get called fat, so we starve. we get called ugly, so we pile on the make up. we get made fun of for our hair, so we cut it all off just to fit in. and then we become invisible. we blend in. and now when people tell us we're beautiful we dont believe it. and maybe one day we'll learn to love ourselves. but its sad that we didnt consider that we were beautiful until someone else told us that we were. we didnt even think it was an option... and now im so so so lost... and i dont even know who i am anymore..."
- @EmTheUglyDuckling
It's sad how much truth is in her words. It kills me to know that this has become a silent epidemic, and that the world has come to this - forcing men and women to compromise their physical, mental and emotional health for the appreciation or acceptance of others. I know you're all stronger than your illness. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're anything less than perfect. Because you deserve to be treated like royalty. You are worth more than those numbers.
@MidniteAngel - thanks for sharing! There is so much truth in what you've said.
I don't eat and if I do I purge until there is blood
@Lezlie - thank you for reaching out here - I know that takes a lot of courage to talk about what's going on. Do you think it might help to chat with a listener to talk through why you feel this way or to get some extra support? Take care
I purged twice yesterday after doing well for a few weeks... I feel like I'm a bad person for feeling this way.
@Bailey24 - feeling the way you do doesn't make you a bad person at all - if you're feeling it, it's real, it's valid, and you deserve support through it. Relapses are tough, but a normal part of the recovery process. The next step is forgiving yourself and getting back on track with recovery. You are strong and capable and you can do it!
I haven't had a big problem with restricting and purging in a while...but it's coming back and I want to give in so so bad. I miss the feeling of my stomach being empty. I miss being able to simply ignore my hunger pangs. I miss being so thin the slightest breeze made me shiver and watching the number drop. I miss being double digits. I really really do. I wish I could get away with it like I used to. No one looked twice cause no one gave a shit. But now...I have someone watching me like a hawk. I just...miss it all so much. The good, the bad..
@IsabellaMor - I can relate so well to how you're feeling. For many years, I would recover somewhat and then those strong feelings of missing my disorder, the good and the bad, would take over. I don't have words of wisdom to offer you, but you are not alone in this. Try to remember the things that recovery gives you and to stick on that path, but it's okay to acknowledge that you miss your disorder, even if you know it's not a good idea to go back. Take care
I was diagnosed in 2005 of anerexia i was [edited for weight specifics / triggers by forum mentor]lbs at 5'4. My ideal weight should be [edited]. I'm [edited] and ready to stop eating again.
@jewelsashes - it can be really hard to cope with the weight gain in recovery, especially when you feel you have gained past your 'ideal weight'. Are there things that you feel you have gained from recovery that make it worth it despite being uncomfortable with your current weight? Feel free to reach out at any time if I or another listener can help support you. Take care
I feel terrible, I'm at work I can't purge. But I just binged, I had two donuts a granola bar and a egg. I feel worthless, like things arnt getting better
@peachymoiicat - I am sorry that you feel like nothing is getting better and that you are struggling so much right now. I promise that even if you are feeling worthless, that you are worth far more than the value you place on yourself. Please reach out if you need some extra support - sometimes just talking through how you're feeling can really help. Take care
I actually feel good today. The weekend was really rough for me, though. Every time I feel like I'm getting better, I feel the weight I've put on and slip again. I can't seem to get comfortable in my body.
@beingSensible - First of all, so happy to hear that you're feeling pretty well today - that's fantastic! Getting comfortable in your body is SO hard and something that doesn't come overnight. But with some time, you really can get there. One thing that really helps me is to focus on all the things that my body can do, rather than what it looks like. For instance, my body has the energy to go out dancing with my girlfriends. My body has the strength to carry around my friend's new baby. My body has the lung capacity to sing. Hope that can help you some, too! Take care
I'm nervous today because tomorrow I go to the Dr's and I know the moment I step on that scale I'm going to let that number get to me. I'm currently on my 6th day and I'm very happy with how steady and easy going I've been just really worried about tomorrow.
@decembernight0608 - can you ask your doctor to do a backwards weigh-in? In that, you would step on the scale backwards or with your eyes closed and they would note down your weight but not tell you, so that it can't trigger you. Not sure if that's an option for you, but might help if it is!
Either way, good luck and stay strong. Weight is nothing but a number and everything else about you - your strength, your determination, your beauty, your brain, your heart - are all WAY more important. You've got this.
I've been recovering and since going vegan I eat as much as I feel like but still sometimes my thoughts kill me, right now I go to school from you 12 to 7 PM so I don't have the chance to eat in that time and it's just so triggering
@CutButterfly - it's definitely triggering to not be able to eat for such a long period of time when you know for recovery that it's important. Are you able to bring some sort of snack with you to class to help out? I keep a bag of almonds on me at all times in case I need something when I don't have a chance to eat for a while - would something like that help you? Take care, and please reach out if you need some extra support.