Family Stress
As the eldest child from a brown family and also being a daughter, I just always feel like I'm not good enough. In fact my parents tell me I'm not good enough, my dad once called me a disappointment so that shows something. It's just constant battle between us. I can day I have a hit of trouble controlling my emotions, I try not to get angry and be rude but I hold on my emotions so much that sometimes it just explodes. I honestly am trying to make them proud but I just can't. It hurts me it's the most painful thing, taht I cant fricking make them proud. Even if I get a good grade or win a prize that's still not good enough for them. While much younger brother gets congratulated for everything, they always tell him how proud they are of him, they tell him how much hes loved and all I want is to hear them say they are proud of me got once in my life. When I was first born my dad didn't even wanna look at me because I was girl, and I get he was hoping for a boy that can carry on the family name. He also wasn't there for six years of my life because he was traveling. He would visit a few times a year then leave again, and theres this certain memory that pops into my mind and it's when they was a father and daughter rave at my kindergarten one year and I kept calling for him but he never came and obviously didn't understand at the time. So I watched all my friends race with their dad and wishing mine was there too. It just hurts so fricking much. Anyways that's my rant. All done. I'm gonna so this more often I guess.
@sunnyGrapes9408
I can't imagine the pain and sorrow you are experiencing. It's hard to bottle up your feelings and I understand how it feels when you've reached you limit. How your feelings can burst forth when you've reached your boiling point. I can't imagine the urt you are feeling to see your brother being praised for everything while you are neglected emotionally. It's unfair that your parents are saying hurtful things to you when you are trying so hard to be the best daugher to them. It sounds like your relationship with your dad has been the hardest on you. It sounds like you've been deeply affected by his actions from a very young age. Being the only kindergartener without a dad at the race is heartbreaking. Through your words, I imagine you've experienced that type of heartbreak again and again.
My heart goes out to you, this is something that marks you for life. I want to say do your thing and be proud of yourself, find people who see you for who you are and appreciate you being in their lives. I also know that it’s easier said than done, my culture is not that much different. I hope you have people in your life to lift you up, and remember, just because they don’t see your value, doesn’t mean that you are not valuable.
