My family is the reason for my poor mental health but they refuse to accept it
Hi, I just signed up today and figured posting here wouldn't hurt since I need some advice.
My family is highly religious and it makes wanting my independence so much more difficult, I'm an adult woman (almost in my mid 20s) with a stable job and income and even then, bringing up the topic of moving out feels so scary and nearly impossible because the last time I did, it resulted in this huge argument where I ended up in tears.
I've been wanting to move abroad for years now, but in my family's eyes, I shouldn't even be thinking of wanting that because religion says it's a sin for an unmarried girl to move out of her family home. And every single time, they tell me how I'm gonna get in these highly dangerous and awful situations and they won't be there to protect me since I'll be far from home; it makes me feel like a horrible person for wanting to leave, and it makes me believe them, I'm tired of being such a doormat, what should I even do? I keep getting told that my life and well-being will be put at risk because I'll be a woman living alone, and that attracts evil people who'll want to take advantage of me and do unspeakable things to me, they think there's no one else in the world who would love and look out for me the way they do, basically saying that me moving out is risking my safety and they're the only ones who will truly keep me safe.
Why do I feel so bad for wanting to be independant, why should I have to be married to leave? It's so unfair, they keep painting the "outside world" as this highly dangerous and hostile place that I shouldn't think about venturing into if I value my life. I've never visited abroad because of this mindset they have.
How can I put my foot down and tell them that I'll be able to make it on my own, that I'll move out and nothing bad will happen to me, that I'll be happy and will be able to stay safe even without them.
I'm so easily guilt tripped and it's ruining my life, I can't do what I want because they'll always find a way to talk me down from doing it, they know how to hit me where it hurts, they know I care a lot about their opinion and they know I won't do it if they convince me hard enough.
This specific reason has kept me from doing the things I want, from having the life I want, they're so overprotective, it feels like I can't even breathe without their approval, and I know that bringing it up once more is going to cause issues, they'll freak out again over it. I also hate to admit that every time they've talked me down from moving out by framing the world as this extremely evil and hostile place, I believed them and put my plans on hold.
@HopefulCloud00
I'm so sorry you're having such a stressful time, I really sympathise as my family are causing me a lot of stress and grief too.
It sounds as though your independence is really important to you, since you keep revisiting it even though you're aware that your family disagrees, and they keep making you unhappy when the topic comes up. It's such a struggle when you can't just pursue your own path without something like this making life extra difficult for you.
I hesitate to raise a sensitive topic, but if there's any possibility of honour based violence or anything like that, I do hope you've got access to some resources to keep yourself safe?
Take good care, and I really hope things improve for you before too long.
اريد التحدث معك هل يمكنك ارسال رساله لي؟
Can you send me a message?
@hardworkingLand4914 Hi - I'm afraid I haven't been able to work out a way of sending a direct message, I guess maybe we'd have to be connected as friends or something first?
Hey, HopefulCloud00.
You've been very brave in surviving a household that is so tied to beliefs to the point that it is suffocating.
As a daughter and an adult, you deserve to have your right to have freedom. This is where we often grow, when we move beyond our comfort zone and discover new things that are otherwise absent in a very constricting place. You do not have to understand your parents' intentions especially if it has caused you distress for a long time. Trust how it makes you feel. It may feel very ironic to have the world framed as unsafe if even the home doesn't feel safe in the first place.
Choose what you feel is best for your well-being. The world can indeed be a harsh place but there are certain measures you can take to ensure that the environment you choose is healthy and safe.
@HopefulCloud00 hello! i’ve recently had a similar dilemma in my life. my family relied on me as an emotional rock, therefore not wanting me to move out and expecting me to stay. needless to say, i ended up moving out and it has honestly been the best thing i have ever done for myself mentally. the clarity i have had over the past few months looking back on past situations is absolutely insane. sometimes, all you have to do is make that jump, live your life and create boundaries where you enforce the consequences if those boundaries are crossed. its much easier said than done, and even i’m still working on that, but sometimes that first step is all you need to take that leap :)