Navigating conflict in family

I find this a very interesting question. I have a very good relationship with my parents for example. But there might be 2 flaws that I run into from time to time:

• We don't really talk about stuff, mostly on a high level, but not really in detail. Like stuff that is bothering someone or now someone is feeling. This makes it difficult to share stuff that you want to get off your chest.
• A lot of the things going on in my family are quite "stuck" so things are always the same, same rituals, rhythms and structures and not really much change. And wanting to do something different will be noticed immediately because "things just always go the way they go".

These points also strengthen each other because it's difficult to talk about or introduce something new. Interested to learn from experience on this topic 😇

How do you create a safe space for open communication within your family, especially during disagreements?

Hmm...I'll answer this concerning my nuclear family (son and partner):

So, my son is only 4 years old and does speech therapy. Whenever we have a disagreement about bed time or time for a bath, I have to explain to him why it's good to go to bed (ex. "You'll be able to go to speech therapy tomorrow!" since he loves his speech classes, "You'll feel better" etc). Sometimes, when we both end up extremely upset with one another, I let him know I need space or he ends up going to his room to calm down. If I'm in the wrong and unjustly yelled at him due to my irritable mood, I apologize to him and give him a hug. He does the same and says sorry. We usually make up pretty fast. 

As for my partner, we're currently long distance, and due to circumstances, we (unfortunately) haven't been able to see each other in person for about a month. We do talk on the phone daily though and keep in constant communication. If I'm upset with something, I typically let him know I need to get off the call and calm myself, then I come back to it later. Or I try using "I statements". My partner is also pretty good at communicating. If something bothers him, he lets me know right away, and I appreciate his honesty. He never says it in a demeaning way, he just expresses how he feels. Sometimes, my jokes can be mean and he lets me know, so I apologize and reel it back in.

Now...as far as intermediate family goes (ex. siblings and parents) -- I no longer talk to them. I've dealt with a lot of heartache and both physical + mental pain talking being around them. This also extends to my extended family (ex. cousins, aunts/uncles, etc.)-- they're just as bad or worse -- so I do not talk to them either.

My partner has the same issue with his family (so no contact with my future in-laws), but grew up with more physical abuse than I did that was life threatening. So, currently, all we have is each other.

We plan on having children in the near future(my son's father is my abusive ex-fiancé, not my partner), but we're taking a back seat until we move in together, get our finances sorted, and have a game plan first.

@Hope

How do you create a safe space for open communication within your family, especially during disagreements?

I create a safe space for open communication within my family during disagreements reframing from attacking that person(s). So, reframing from utilizing “we” statements and utilizing “I” statements, considering my tone, and my body language as well. I personally, do not like getting into arguments or disagreements, so when I have conflict I like to address it using those techniques and only what I deem serious enough to address. 

@Hope

Thank you

@Hope

How do you create a safe space for open communication within your family, especially during disagreements?

We can create a safe space during disagrement by clearfing , dont take things personally, being gentle and polite, strong boundaries, avoid harmful reactions , try to  end the situation peacefully.

Thank you for sharing this post