Toxic..

I felt this. It seems like you are very emotionally tired. Sick of trying to maintain a sense of love and community amongst family who doesn’t understand your personal situation or who maybe even denies having a hand in the things that have made you feel so alone. It’s understandable. It’s tiring. I know. I’m not a listener on here, or a therapist, just a fellow person that related to this, but if it gives you any comfort, when our own family fails us, we can choose friends instead. There are people out there that will connect with you and understand you, even if you haven’t found them yet. Some people you can’t change either, because they aren’t interested in changing. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but at some point, we have to stop hoping they see from our eyes and just let them see what they want and cultivate the life we need outside of what we are used to. I hope this helps 💜. We are all here for you.

I completely understand this... my family isn’t supportive of me at all. I try and make decisions for myself and they make me feel guilty about it. I’m forced to watch my little brother while doing college classes.

Same to you! I’m trying my best not to let it get to me too much ya know

I'm brand new to this app so I don't know what I'm doing yet :) but I came across your post and just wanted to say I'm glad you are reaching out and I relate to the part about family being dysfunctional and talking about each other. My mother is worse than any gossipy muddle schooler I swear. She ends up causing issues between the rest of us, etc. In my opinion you are doing great by realizing the dysfunction and wanting better. Them labeling you as self centered sounds like them being intimidated by your independence and that you are able to work and take care of yourself.

I so understand you. I’m going thru a similar situation with my mom and I feel almost the same way you do. For example today I tried to help take a load off my mom by cooking dinner and asked if the chicken was any good and in a snarky manner she said “no toss them out, I’ll cook in a minute.” While she was doing the dishes. In that moment I was enraged because once again I’m just tossed to the side to be useless and I felt unwanted unloved and I didn’t feel like her child wether I’m 20 yo or not. I walked back to the living room and just melted into my seat I was in while doing school all day since 9am and just started crying silently because why be a bother to her. When she realized I was crying she still kept asking in a snarky tone what’s wrong and I didn’t want to talk about it Bc I was already mentally drained from my school side I had some exams. But we ended up talking and it was the same shit I told her how I feel and she tells me why she’s being snarky and rude sounding and “explains” her feelings to make them seem more important or worse than my feelings. And when I told her that it’s been like this for years and that I didn’t feel like her child but like an orphan in a random home I think it finally turned the switch in her head that I’m actually hurting. What I’m saying is your not alone there’s more people like us each with our different story. Hope you’re doing well!

Hey @lovingCup504 umm I can relate to your situation in some way... I know it's tiring, but I hope you'll not give up. And please, do love yourself. I know they say that you should love your family. But it doesn't mean that you should give all your love to them. If pleasing or proving yourself to them is what makes you feel so down so lost, so tired, then start to let go, I guess. We don't live to please people. There are people we can't change, but we can change the people around us. Sadly, we can't change our family. (Laugh sadly) It's hard. Then the only thing we can do is to change our mindset. Be positive, don't let the world's negativity swallow you. They say that when the worst thing happens, you only have yourself. Then don't depend your happiness on them. Yes, I know that we all crave the love of our family, but what can we do? Please them to be loved? Then lose yourself? I am not saying to unlove them though. Love them, but love yourself more than anything else. And don't hate them for what they did to you, for making you like that. One friend once told me that, don't hate the people who wronged you, hate what they did to you, not the person. It's hard to be a martyr, being selfless, we are no saint I admit. I think I'm getting farther from the problem haha. I also recommend to you to go out and sit beside nature. I always do that to comfort myself whenever I felt so lost again. It just feels that God is with me. (I don't know if you believe in Him though). But it's just one way for me to calm my storm inside. It's a little moment where I think of nothing, a moment where I can just let myself enjoy and think that there is no problem at all. We all need a rest. And if you ever feel so lonely, so alone, just cry. It's not bad to cry. Crying helps us survive. When our bomb is about to explode, crying is the best solution. It slowly takes away your pain for a moment until you are better once again. But don't cry thinking of giving up. It's hard to cry alone, but you are not alone. There's Him. :) (I don't know though if you believe in Him) There's also us, we may have not met but I know that if we met, you will not be alone. These are just words though, it's not powerful enough to heal you. But I'm hoping that the next time you share your story, you'll not be saying that you're tired. Rather, I'm hoping that you'll say, I am better. God bless you.

Um hey... It's me again. Just wanna ask how's everything? Are you okay now? I hope you're doing all fine... 😊