Family
Is family really about the biological connection?
Are there people here who feel understood by people in the community but not by their own families (supposedly people who are closest to us in matter of love) ?
I believe in family.... I do my part to the best...
But i feel equally in community connections....they are also like family....
@Creamyyy For me, family is not just blood. And just because one of blood does not mean they are part of "my" family. In my life, I found that is was "blood family" that hurt me the most in life. Funny how the people who are supposed to love us and protect us are the ones who hurt us. But that is life, I suppose. I keep a very small circle in my real life and only let few people in. I guard my heart and only keep people who truly have my best interests at heart in my life. Family or not, if someone does me no good... I don't need them. I'm 35+ now, so then again, I have learned to live a life and make a life just fine without people. This is my personal decision and this works for me. I'm sure people would not think it's healthy but I just like having no outside family drama. I'm sure for people who are tight knit as a family would not agree with what I do either, but it's me. This is how I do what is best for me and my own immediate family. :) I love all my blood family but I am 100% ok from loving from afar. Not all family means well. I have had a long 15+ year friendship with someone from high school and she was more family than any of my other family. I also have a ex stepmother that is more family than any of my other family. <3
Im glad you have connections outside family that truly translate as familial love .... happy to hear this hopeful tale.
my experience with my family hasn't been 100 % either... there has been a lot of damage... Im happy to see your courage in saying you dont need anyone who isnt doing you well... many times we stay in abusive loops from false pressure of duty ... when our well being and rights are our duty as well to ourselves... I too have made strides in realising and fighting for my rights of well being ...
ive had a decent equation with community ... people are kind (some haven't been of course - thats okay - its how it usually is - living in no perfect world).... but no ones ever been too close
a part of me wonders though if id ever have a complete feeling of safe healthy love from any source --- dream and reality, faith and doubt both seem to be sort of present -- well life is still here -- we will see. I will definitely not be closing doors on people outside of family -- to forge ties with.
Ill give myself a chance .
💛✨️
@YourCaringConfidant
@Creamyyy "... when our well being and rights are our duty as well to ourselves..."
Ohhhhh Creamyyy, this what you said tells me so much! ♡ You said it beautifully expressing the importance of just how important we are. We owe it to ourselves! This is just so true and deep!
@YourCaringConfidant…….ummmm I am the same way. I am working on climbing out of the darkest place I’ve ever been and it’s greatly due to the loss of relationships with family members that were once my closest relationships. My family was my everything. But now I have trust issues, and very little self esteem. I am not able to confide in anyone at the moment. But I’m learning very quickly that eliminating toxic people and relationships are the key to happiness!! I’m lonely as ***, that’s why I’m here. But being in a room alone is better than being in a room full of people who treat you poorly. ❤️
Yes i agree. I too choose solitude over bad company whenever possible. I keep making little efforts to meet new people though - irl and online... and life has been surprisingly kind... there have been good interactions .. im with you. Dont give up. Glad youre here ❤️
@girlmom77
@Creamyyy thank you so much!! Honestly coming on here and making up my mind to talk with people who have similar experiences was basically my last ditch effort at trying to “get better” mentally/emotionally. I WANT to live my life and chase my dreams; I want to fall in love and have a special someone to experience life with. But I have gone through so much loss and heartbreak over the past several years and I’m not positive I will ever be able to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to be loved so deeply. But I have to at least try.
@girlmom77 "I’m not positive I will ever be able to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to be loved so deeply. But I have to at least try."
Key word here is try! That is all you can do. I absolutely love that you made note that you had to at least try! Yayyy you! You know it's ok to guard your heart, be hesitant or reluctant. It's also ok to not know and be vulnerable at times, because sometimes there is new found beauty with that when we are afraid to put ourselves out there at times. But don't you think you owe it to yourself? Don't you think you are deserving and worthy and being loved just as you deserve. I believe you do.
Please never give no one power over you and allow you to give up on what you deserve. You do deserve to find a real life, be loved, valued, and appreciated. You do deserve to made to feel better and special and be prioritized. You do deserve someone who will accept you and your girls and whatever comes with you. You are the prize. You are a gift and anyone will be lucky to have you. But don't give up and lose hope over someone in your past. Don't let this color your world. Keep on with that trying you mentioned. Try. You deserve so much and it's not pain.
I'm with you loud and clear, girlmom77. My peace is everything to me. It has, of course, taken me a long time to the point where I chose to choose me over others. That is just best for me. At the end of the day, what is best for you and yours is so important. Do what you need to find peace and healing, surround yourself with quality people who do you good, and just keep aiming to be the best you and mother there is. Wishing you all the best. Hugs!
@YourCaringConfidant thank you so much! You have no idea how much your encouragement and support means!! I didn’t remember what it felt like to be validated, AND just how damn important it is in life!! Bless you!! 🦋
@girlmom77 I gladly receive those blessings. Tysm! And there's no need to thank me. I'm happy I was able to help. ❤️ I mean everything. Wanting all the best for you. 🤗
You are 200% right. I believe sometimes community understands us better than family. May be because we won't wear masks or filters here. We're being ourselves and openly express whatever we feel 🙂
To me, family has been much more than just blood connections. My biological family hurt me a lot. My father, the man who birthed me, attempted to submit me as a threat and actually called 911 on me claiming I was trying to unalive him and that I need hospitalization after he set up an amazing scenario where he triggers my BPD episode and then pretends I'm hurting him (although I never hurt people even in rage episodes, the most I'd do is break a mug or something) all while using what little facts about myself that I trusted him to tell him like my mental illness. And I was only 18.
Meanwhile, my mother's side of the family embraced me, adopted me, and saved me from going into the asylum. They took me to therapy, helped me recover, and provided for my living and my education expenses.
It's not about blood. Sometimes when families are actually acting like ones, it's about blood. But it's not always the case.
Your story is interesting because it highlights how family can both be true to the general understanding of deepest highest love and how sometimes a family can fail badly in meeting that standard. Everything exists in the world around us - good and bad examples
@Chamomilegirl
Personally I value outside connections more than family, But to me you being able to see the two as equal is beautiful.
Im glad to come across someone who has a stronger bond with outside connections... its interesting and gives me hope.
@BurningDays
@Creamyyy You must remember that family is a societal construct (animals leave their young when they can fend for themselves and focus on their own survival or/and the next generation) - beautiful or not - and therefore can be whatever you want. Also, the full quote about "blood family" is: "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." and it highlights that bonds formed through shared experiences, loyalty, or agreements (the "blood of the covenant") are stronger than those of family (the "water of the womb").
