Please I need advice with what to do with my mom
My mom is 62 and she does not have any physical issues that prevent her from working. She had cancer, treatment, and surgeries before and took a lot of time (and cycles of opioid addictions) to recover. Today, she moves a lot of heavy furniture around everyday whether it is to sell, or if she’s cleaning. She does get tired but honestly if a person can do this all day then I think they can handle a desk job. Her problem is mostly mental.
I have set up her resume template for her, all she has to do is enter information into it that I don’t know. Periods of time when she worked before and what she accomplished. She hasn’t touched the spreadsheet in about a year.
I don’t think she’s ever going to muster up the self-discipline to get a job. She’s an incredible burden on me and my siblings. I escaped but the other two are still there with her and they are stuck working minimum wage jobs while she doesn’t work at all. They can’t afford the mortgage. I’m terrified to ask how far behind they are. She’s not understanding how *** her situation is.
My mom is losing her mind. She acts like a child and is consumed with politics on the news but she is not making moves to support herself financially. Her house looks like a hoarder house. She’s pretty much just lost it.
Has anyone else been in this situation? She’s an incredible burden to me. Immense burden. My siblings and I haven’t had the opportunity to start our own families before she has decided to give up in life and force us to care for her. She is NOT that old. My grandma worked into her 70s, and all my coworkers are older than my mom currently. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t really file disability for her, unless personality disorders count. But there’s no evidence that she’s mentally unwell. All her doctor’s reports say she’s normal.
Someone please help me. I’ve posted on forums before but I really really need a better answer other than “I’m sorry you’re going through this”. Am I the only person on earth with a mentally unstable and emotionally codependent mother?
@mxscn
That is tough.
It's so difficult when we feel like we have to become a parent to our actual parent .
But your mother won't change her ways at this late stage in her life.
Sadly, you and your siblings must continue on as you are.
Or stop letting your mother take you all for granted and start doing what makes all of you happier, start living for you.
Your mother is responsible for her own life and happiness and if she is depressed, she is also responsible for asking for help 💕💜
@mxscn. If you are in the US social security can be applied for early starting at age 62. If she hasn’t work much I believe there is a minimum payment she can receive.
@mxscn Sorry that you feel your mothing is being a burden to you and your siblings. Did you knoe that you and your siblings can start a family and still get time for your ill mother. Its also so encouraging that both you and your siblings still care for even though you feel that she is a burden. Dont take it is a a responisbility but think of it as an appreciation for the way she took care of you and your siblings when you were young. Parents will always have a special place in the heart of their children and by you caring means that you really love and care about your mother. every moment that you are there for count it as blessing and appreciate that your mom is still alive.
Did you know that every individual move my siblings and I make outside that doesn’t involve my mother invokes extreme jealousy within her to the point she hurts herself and makes threats to hurt herself? Did you know that whenever she finds out I hang out with a friend, my sister, or start dating, she sends me pity woe is me texts and acts like she is suicidal? Did you know that I sacrificed my middle school years taking care of her during cancer and taking care of my infant brother because she and my stepdad would run off and do drugs? Please consider all possible situations before you cast judgment on someone’s view of their mother. The life my siblings and I have tried to form outside of her have been born out of extreme resistance on her part and my opportunities have been crippled because of a meltdown she was having. It is true I could be more ahead in life if my mom wasn’t so unstable, manipulative, and dependent. One time I ended up in the mental hospital because of all the stress she was putting on me while I was trying to finish my degree (at a school I got into with my own hard work and scholarship) and she came to the mental hospital and had her own breakdown, and the doctors told her she needed to be more supportive of me as I was the one who was there. Did you also know that it severely hurts your chances of finding a partner who wants to stay in your life if you have a psychotic family member who continuously causes chaos and makes your whole life about them?
I have made immense sacrifices for my mother. Obviously I care about her despite the harm she’s caused me. I send her a considerate portion of my paycheck to this day, I clean her house and helped her take care of her lawn and her animals when I lived back in that area. I could have chosen to not care and abandon her to live my life. I don’t have to send her the money I work hard for. She never sent me money! My whole existence should not revolve around my mother’s feelings.
@mxscn It sounds like you and your siblings need to have a come to Jesus moment with her as they say. Almost like an intervention.