Friendship
Hey!
Question: What kind of traits do you guys look for in friends?
I often found myself in toxic friend groups when I was a teenager. I neglected to take red flags seriously! Do you guys have any red flags?
In friends, I like to see
Support
Respect
Kindness
Comic Relief
Active Listening
Compassion
Fun
Encouraging
Honest
(Not necessarily in this order!!)
Some traits, I definitely try to avoid are:
Codependent
Aggressive
Mean/Name Calling/Argumentative
Critical
Judgemental
Manipulative
Deceitful
Uncommitted/Flaky
What do you guys think? Did I miss any of your red flags? green flags?
@EmpathysGarden For me another red flag is when they're unwilling to communicate
@Clarezg
This ^^
@EmpathysGarden
For me a personal green flag is that they like animals.
@LucyGray1799
100%!! If you don’t like my puppy, I’m scared about the state of your soul hehe ;p
(just kidding, everyone. We all have different preferences!)
Your list is an honest description of what anyone would want in a friend, but you should bear in mind that we are humans at the end of the day we all have our flaws.
I can't give you bullet points on what to look out for, just make sure they don't have up to 3 habits you despise in friends. Else you will have to put up with it till they either change for good or you accept it as a part of them.
@Hakeem01
this is a great point! I really want to build on what you said: We all have moments where we act unfavorable or aren’t at our best!! These moments don’t define us. As we grow, opening and closing chapters in our life, we evolve. Invest in your own character development, have grace for yourselves, and be self-forgiving.
Perfection is a human construct and subjective to all of our personal ideas and beliefs.
I'm glad it helped 🤍
Now that I'm thinking of it... I'm trying to get my list short, otherwise I feel overwhelmed!
Red flag: manipulation and lack of empathy
Green flag: kindness
@Aputik
short, it might be, but I totally agree! Thank you for engaging, I loved your list. I hope you find your current relationships to be full of kindness and empathy :)
@EmpathysGarden some red flags might be they rely on you for constant approval, but when you share something you're proud of, they ignore it.
they also want you to hangout with them all the time but refuse to take the time to come over to you when you live a state away, wanting you to constantly make the trip.
green flags are even after you move away, they'll stay in touch with you, or keep up old jokes and make new ones.
@FaePirate18
hey Fae! I got de ja vu reading your post. Yes!! I’ve personally struggled with toxic friends that assume a victim mentality. They have an anxious attachment style and seek validation but would rarely act to improve their circumstances. They would praise me for how I rested when they were in crisis and then kind of drop off when I also wanted support. The constant give and no take wasn’t working for me. I was close friends with this person, and still am friends with them now, but we have a much more distant relationship now to support the boundaries I’ve maintained. Is this an active relationship in your life?
On a much lighter note, friends that stay in touch no matter the time and distance are my favorites :) I’m a chatty Cathy and love to have a good conversation with family and close friends.
Thank you for engaging with the post!
We have alot in common as to what we look for in friends. My friends have to be damaged like me. The friends I have have had similiar backrounds. They also have to have an excellent sense of humor. I love laughing until I hurt! Lol. For some reason I attract people on the games I play online that have similiar pasts or disorders too. Its great though. I love making friends from all over. It helps to make life a bit easier. Do any of you all find that like attracts like even if youre in different countries?
This is a good question I also ponder the answer to. Here’s my perception of the question;
Some things in your list are some general attributes people may have such as “fun” while others can be considered I think core values.
Thinking of it this way, most times, everyone can have a fun side and what people perceive as fun also varies.. the real question to ask new friends is maybe, “what are some of your core values?”
This might help you determine if they may be a good fit for you in terms of a friendship.
And on the flip side, it might be good to ask your self and reflect on what are your core values? 😊
Not sure if that makes sense lol something I struggle with as well and this seems to be my newish way of attempting to navigate that - good luck!
❤️❤️❤️
@EmpathysGarden
I have a super dark and dry sense of humour which is a total red flag for people who don't get it and think I'm being toxic or negative.
If a person can get past that though they'll maybe find a green flag that I didn't see on the list - exceptionally loving.
@communicativePond1728
Such an important one too!!
@EmpathysGarden
A red flag which I always look out for in a friendship is when they only communicate with you when they need something and a green flag which I also always look out for is when they support your growth and respect your bounderies.
💖💖
@TheOnlyKae
I can totally relate to this.
