A Confusing Bundle of Contradictions

Our feelings are there and will not hide no matter how much we want it. I understand you completely when you say, hate and anger keep me safe, but they keep you distracted, processing this is hard and confronting but I'm here for you 💜

Really sorry to hear that and its really sad you had to go through what you went through. Why this feeling attraction and then feeling of hurt and then why any feeling at all is really a tough question to answer. biology, evolution or maybe god just designed us that way and we can just hope there is a good reason for those feelings to exist otherwise it wont.

But your feelings are completely valid. Our brain only believe in practical evidences and not theories. Your evidences suggest how indulging with people and in particular men can lead to potential hurt and its sad and I understand. We can just hope here that you do get contrary evidences to that someday via positive experiences and till then find some comfort and peace. stay blessed :)

@jesusredeemedme2425 I try to give up on feelings too but they still happen, sometimes its ok to have a crush without making it something extremely real, if deep pains involved. 

@jesusredeemedme2425 Feelings can emerge for any number of reasons, and that's okay. We can be simultaneously zoomed out and calmy observe them, as well as accept their transformative influence as needed. Be sure to know thyself in your deepest integrity before drowning under an illusory, semi-conscious trance state. 🙏🕊

That said, I also profoundly apologize for the toxicity within a large number of men, as I have also found myself in my own devastating mire of incongruency and unstable relating! Definitely a time to clean out the psychological basement for me, and I hope more men also face their own highest sense of clarity, wisdom, consistency, and groundedness, as soon as possible! Life doesn't wait! 🙏🌳⚡️🫡

@jesusredeemedme2425

It sounds like your mind is trying to protect you from getting hurt again, but at the same time, it’s natural for feelings to resurface, even if it scares you. Maybe your heart is trying to heal and open up again, and it’s not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you’re strong enough to confront those emotions. ❤️

I don’t know exactly what you have been through. I’ve been through a terrible relationship with my ex I learned in my medical studies this year about human needs. It’s “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.” Every human needs these things LOVE AND BELONG is right in the middle of the “pyramid” of human needs. Family, relationships, community, romantic relationships, etc. It’s a very human need to want to feel loved. I try to stay away from it I have tried to stay away for 6+ years with romance. It’s nice to feel that attention when it’s right.

In the cases I knew of PTSD, the reduction of aversion to triggers and to the classes of persons or events that caused the trauma was a positive sign of moving forward on the path of healing. 

From what I saw, this change typically brings a lot of confusion and contradictory feelings, and often is a “three steps forward, two steps back” kind of process.  

As why the attraction, I guess it’s hardwired in our brains, because Homo Sapiens as well as almost all animal (and plant) species reproduce sexually. This form of reproduction increases genetic variability, and thus improved the chances of survival for the species that adopted it, versus those who didn't along the history of Life.

You seem very aware of your emotions, and I think that's very healthy, because it allows you to make conscious decisions about what to do, rather than being carried away by unconscious emotions you're unaware of. 

For example, you might decide not to have a male partner because you conclude, after reflecting on your life experiences, that this is not the path that leads you to happiness. All this without so much fear, hatred, or revulsion as you had before. Or decide the opposite.

As you get better and the strong avoidance feelings decrease, you increase your power to decide according to your values, your life project, and what really makes you happy. 💜

@jesusredeemedme2425

Hii Kiara❤️

Firstly, I completely understand and empathise with you how difficult it can be to deal with these feelings added on by the coping mechanism that your nervous systems uses to protect you. 

Sometimes, we try to be in a constant fight and flight mode and that's okay. But how about going full on living with those feelings, sitting down with them and kindly asking your heart and mind, what is it trying to protect you from? 

We all have bad experiences but generalising them actually doesn't serve us. I know it's really hard to trust but you never have to give that trust to anybody else but shift that to yourself. Be brave to walk away when it does not fit and to stay when it does. 

And I know you have that courage and strength within you! It's okay! You are a queen younger but trying to learn and that is what is important. Accept your feelings and say to yourself, I will coexist with them but not give them power over me. Because I chose who and what controls me nobody else does. 

Eventually everything will be all great soon❤️