Confused *Tw*

Hey there. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Ik it hurts. Sometimes people make assumptions of us based on what they have learnt and these assumptions aren't always true. Of course, there's a common psychological phenomenon which happens to nearly everyone when you perceive someone's opinion as truth, it mat seem as though everyone feels the same about you. But it is not so. Feeling unsupported by friends can really hurt, and I understand that it can lead to self doubt. Many times, we all go in this spiral of thinking we messed up. But here's the truth- everyone messes up, and we as humans tend to mess up BIG sometimes before we learn. All we need to do is put past mistakes behind us. I think it is crucial to reflect on how you treat your friends, and understand if something went wrong on your part, and work towards it (only if that is actuallythe case). And whether this may be the case or not it is crucial not to be around people who cause you self doubt. Please don't withdraw completely from them, as I know how lonely and daunting that may feel right now. But how about taking small steps in that direction, such as not attending one of their plans, or spending more time on hobbies, and focus on studies if you have to see them in college, and see if you can expllre connections with new people or if you have other peopke that care? Take steps as and when you feel ready to. Listen to your gut, it will guide you. Because you are the one who knows yourself the best, and there is absolutely no part of you they have seen, that you are unaware of. And of course it will hurt when you feel anyone's negative emotion to you, it hurts like ***, and you're not overreacting. Of course, though it won't be this way forever and you will eventually meet people who love you and value you and communicate properly. If you reach out and give it time, you will find love. Please take care of yourself.

Also, may I say that you replied really supportively to my earlier post, so reading this made me feel really sad. Please hang in there❤️

@fossilfellow

I’m new here and I don’t know your situation, but I came to 7Cups to be with people who can be real with each other and who can express care and kindness.

You definitely deserve care and kindness.

The things people say, especially if they are negative, are almost always untrue. If you feel uncertain, maybe talk with someone not associated with this friendgroup. If no one is available, perhaps someone at 7Cups can listen and help you sort out what is true and false. (And I am sure the negative stuff is all untrue.)

If you feel like talking, please reach out. 

Stay strong, have faith, and you will find your way through this.

I’m struggling with friendships a lot too right now.

Got times where I notice the little moments where they outright ignore me if I confront them with something that hurt that they did and it easily causes me to self-doubt.

Especially if they still act okay with each other or other people, but you feel it’s different with you.

I’ll be honest, I don’t know what you’re supposed to do as I’m not sure either.

I like to think I haven’t found my people yet and that I still have many new friends to meet in the future to figure it out.

I just know that most of these negative and self-doubting feelings usually come from lack of communication (by my part or because they didn’t meet me half-way) or the repetition of actions they had promised to change (like ghosting me when questions are uncomfortable or not waiting for me) or the care they put in the friendship (do they make plans? Do these plans take in consideration both of your preferences?).

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the problem since none of my friendships have lasted long (max two years, then it goes down). Maybe I’m not though, maybe things have changed and you just weren’t fit for each other anymore.

I hold this weird desire of having a friend with whom I can just sit in silence with or hang out without having to talk, with moments of just being, where we keep space to only talk when we really want to and actually listen and try to understand what the other needs.

Have they ever tried to understand what you need and hold space for you? Or have they only criticized? Because no person, not even the ‘worst’ ones only have bad habits or behaviors. There is always something nice, however insignificant you might deem it as.

Sorry for any confusion, it probably looks like there is no point in what I wrote because I’m kinda confused too.

I hope that sharing a few of my experiences can help anyway and I would gladly entertain a longer conversation about this if you wish.

Also, it might not be obvious to you, but it was comforting and hopeful to have someone answer my question in my first days of 7cup. I’m grateful you took time to read my own problems and I hope you hold patience for yourself and your own problems.

You’ve been kind enough to reply to strangers and help them out, you can’t be that bad of a person ;)

@fossilfellow