Feeling lost but not giving up
My boyfriend is deployed, and this is my first relationship after 11 years. I’ve never been with someone serving before, so I’m still learning how to handle the distance and all the changes.
He hasn’t really told me how to navigate this, and lately, he’s been more distant and less affectionate. It hurts, and sometimes I feel lost — but I’m not giving up on him. I still absolutely love him.
I want things to get better, to feel close again, but I don’t know how to make that happen right now.
If anyone else has been through something similar with deployment or long-distance love, I’d be grateful for any advice or support.
Thank you.
@SirenOfTheBrokenKind I'm sorry you're going through this, You're not alone 🤍 You're trying, and that matters. I'm glad you're here 🍀 Sending lots of love to you! ❤️❤️
Thank you
Your feels are beautiful. I hope the relationship works out 💛
@SirenOfTheBrokenKind
Feelings*
@SirenOfTheBrokenKind
I haven't been with someone deployed, but I was in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 3 years before we moved in together, then got engaged, then married.
In general terms, here are the things that helped us while we were apart: consistent communication, an interest in each other’s personal lives (including relationships and personal and shared goals), we were genuinely curious about how we each saw the world, and we talked about our professional lives.
I can go into more detail … but maybe none of this lines up with your relationship, so I’ll stop here. But feel free to ask anything you would like!
We did talk like that at first but now he's busy and emotionally cold. Thank you for commenting.
@SirenOfTheBrokenKind
How long have you been dating?
About 2 months
@SirenOfTheBrokenKind
Thanks for your response. Maybe like you said, he could be busy. But he could also be stressed. Is this the first time he has been deployed? Is this his first long distance relationship? How long has he been in the military.
Maybe he needs help (emotionally) from you? A person could withdraw from a loved one and not even know that he needs help. It is good that you have come to 7Cups, because there are many people here who can be supportive to you. People can guide you through your doubts and help you to be the most supportive partner you can be for him.
What do you think?
Firstly I just want to say thank you so much for your response it made me feel a lot better and I'm glad I'm not alone, he's been deployed before but it was with US Army and this is a different one which I will not be sharing details because opsec which I'm still learning about. I'm not sure about previous relationships if they were long distance, I don't see how soldiers doing some of what he probably is could not be emotionally going through a lot, obviously some duties aren't so emotionally draining and others are more.... Trying to be understanding and have compassion my AI journal says I need to learn to show myself that same compassion and understanding about what I myself am going through since I tend to put others first and think a lot more about what others are going through. There's a lot of anxiety for me because I have anxiety and self worth issues etc etc I get scared I will lose him or worry, I really don't want to lose him as a partner because I absolutely love him and how he makes me feel so safe and loved when he's able to.
@SirenOfTheBrokenKind
That is good you got advice to be understanding and compassionate … and that you also need to learn to show yourself that same compassion and understanding. Keep up the good and balanced work … and watch out for when those insecurities try to bring you both down!
Try to also understand that NO ONE can make you safe (unless you believe in God or something that is equivalent). Your security always comes from within: read up on this, do some workbooks, there might also be resources on 7Cups.
Feel free to reach out anytime 🙂
That's it!!!
I really appreciate your strength and positivity. Learning is a great thing, but make sure you take enough care about yourself too..! You can always leave a text if something is bothering you and I got all ears...!
Sending you hugs🫂❤️
Thank you!
