IIt’s been too long since I had a friend.
I don’t know exactly what this feeling is, but I’ll share a little bit about my past. I’ve always had social anxiety and struggled in school to make friends. I was insulted and bullied by many. I always tried to escape from social gatherings to feel safe. Things got worse when I was diagnosed with scoliosis. I lost the few friends I had because I wasn’t cool to them anymore.
I’m 21 now, and all of this has significantly impacted the way I see myself. I started seeing positive changes when I tried to fix this through journaling. But right now, I feel clueless about what exactly this new feeling is. I want a friend, but I always end up being too good to others, only to be replaced by someone else. It feels like I’ve never truly discovered my social identity.
@considerateFan5574
i really think it's ok to take as much time you need to discover your social identity... the way I see it...it is "social" so has more to do with the people around you than you... perhaps the people so far haven't been as welcoming for you to be more open to being yourself around them... it isn't your fault if you weren't given the chance to express yourself as how you want to 💕 you deserve people who think your cool at all times simply for being you!!
@considerateFan5574
Hello, how have you been?
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through hard times right now. I know what it feels like to feel very lonely and deal with mean people. But in spite of the pain, please keep on fighting and don't ever give up on finding new friends because good things take time. And sometimes, a LOT of time. Conquering and beating social anxiety and loneliness takes a lot of time as well, so please be patient with yourself. And remember that whenever you feel down/lonely, you can always reach out to people here in 7 cups, because venting is actually an important step to healing and feeling better.
I'm rooting for you and I want you to be happy and do well in life. Take care 
@pinkKite8784
And also, don't ever listen to the bullies and the mean voices in your head, because they're all LIES. and for the people who left you because of your illness, don't bother about them, because real friends stick with each other through thick and thin, and they are NOT your real friends. Having scoliosis doesn't make you uncool or a burden, just like having social anxiety doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. It just means that you need extra help, and that' totally okay.
You deserve to have friends who support you whenever you feel ill/down. It may take a while to find real friends, but they do exist, and i hope one day you'll find them <3
Thank you for your support. It means alot to me. Im still trying to get some friends through my hobbies. Trying new apps everyday once i get someone i think i will live a balanced life.
@considerateFan5574
That's great to hear that you're trying to make new friends using apps.
Oh and also, what are your hobbies? :D
I do sketching, i tried attaching it here but it isn't working.
@considerateFan5574
Oh, i used to draw a lot too actually, but as times goes on, i started losing my passion for art :") but sometimes doing art helps me when i'm feeling down
@considerateFan5574 hello, first of all, nice to meet you and thank you for being so brave to share your story :) I see so much of myself in you, and I can hear the pain behind your accounting of it :( I was severely bullied at school and outside of it. I was both emotionally and physically assaulted for over two years and any sense of self that I had was eroded. When I was at school, I would eat my lunch in the library and I always tried to be invisible. I believed everything that the bullies told me and this became my constant loop playing in my head and sadly shaped how I saw myself and how I though other people saw me too :( It was so painful to deal with and to put into words what I was going through. I felt, everyone else would be able to stand up to them, but why not me, I was crippled with guilt and sadness and couldn't see a way out. I was too embarassed to ask for help and I stayed isolated. Then I too discovered that I had scoliosis and I had to have an operation and learn how to walk again. This just made me feel like I was once again on my own and I further isolated myself. Instead of making friends after this and being happy and open to new opportunities, I kept myself to myself and I avoided eye contact, I avoided being around people, I avoided making friends, I was haunted by the voices of the bullies, even having recurring nightmares and when I did let some people in, I let them treat me badly, because I didn't know what a boundary was or what a friendship looked like, I would make excuses for their behaviour. I lost so much of myself. One day, I just realised my heart was still sad and heavy and I wanted more. I sought help and I started to talk about it and I started to see that the bullies were wrong, that none of their words or actions were reflective of me and I started moving forward instead of trying to go back. I couldn't control all the times I came across as rude, cold and hostile, but today I am smiley, cheery and positive and loving, that is the person I am, but I could only flourish around the right people and people who treat me and make me feel good, the way I want to be treated, you can be honest with your real friends, they want to support you and celebrate you. It took me time to heal and I guess, I am still healing today but I also know that it is possible to move on and to be happy and I wish you the same and I wish you all the happiness in the world because you deserve it :) Don't ever forget that!
@considerateFan5574
Hey!
I kinda get you. Last year I sometimes cried myself to bed because I literally didn't have friends. I did but they were fake friends. I think what you are feeling is
1. emptiness
2. loneliness
3. hopelessness?
I would be your friend but I'm a teen and I think a teen with an adult is a weird match. But I understand you, so if you want to be friends we can.
Maybe try going to a community center, or go to a place where you can do the stuff you love and find some friends.
