I am at the end of my rope...
This is my first time ever posting something on anything like this, but I need to vent.
I am a married man in my 30s. 3 kids. I work for the railroad, and am always traveling and often gone for 2 days at a time, and I'm consistently on duty 12+ hrs. I miss things with the kids, birthdays, etc. I joined the railroad due to my last job making cuts, and I needed a reliable, decent earning job.
Well, often when I get home, my wife IMMEDIATELY hands all parental responsibility onto me. She states "she's exhausted" from taking care of the kids all day. Which I'm sure she is. She is a stay at home mom. She goes to the bedroom and does whatever while I'm taking care of the kids.
I've brought up to her before about how I though it unfair that the first thing that she does is say "they are all on you now" after working 12+ hours, knowing I'm going to get called to work in 10 to 16 hours later. She gets mad at me and tells me how I need to help her more.
I'm sleep deprived, depressed, anxious, all of the above.
I'm dad, I love my children, I'll do anything for them. The issue I'm having is how my wife treats me like I should bowing down to her since she stays at home and takes care of the children.
I honestly do not know how much more I can take.
I just needed to get that off my chest
@Jermagic
This is a tough situation to be in. You both are working extremely hard just doing different jobs. If you talk to her about it definitely acknowledge all her hard work as well. But I completely understand that after doing all that work, you also need to unwind yourself. I hope that you can come to a resolution.
@Jermagic I think your absolutely right, basically you both have jobs, you both do hard work and long hours. So when it's time that the whole family (both parents) are together, it should be a mix of cherished time, and relaxed time as a family. I think this is a very unfair situation your in, and I hope you both can work this out together ❤ well done for reaching out here ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ all the best sweetie ❤
@Jermagic
Being home and taking care of kids a lot is hard and she too needs a break.....she does not go home after a shift or day off in ON worksite ..... she lives it 24/7.
you obviously work a hard job and that is draining .........your time off should be down time to recover and you might feel taking on the childcare is clocking in on another job on your down time.
This should not boil down to comparison but instead a mutual understanding....
When staying home and with especially small kids people may miss talking with adults / current events and things other then what ever kids are interests...... she should take time to find an outside hobby or interest so she actually feels an outside life. You may feel like you are missing milestones and fun things and maybe have to deal with co-workers and others and are not into talking adult and want to hear about kid interests.
Depending on which way you look it is a big difference in view.
Do you have family or friends that could babysit or let you both have time to decompress? I think discussions go better in a different setting without distractions.
@Jermagic Your feelings are totally understandable. Is it possible for you guys to talk about taking shifts? Like you give her an hour when you first come home one day, both put the kids to bed, then the next day you get an hour to yourself and both put the kids to bed? Or each of you takes the whole evening, or something similar? Sometimes just an hour of time alone every so often can do wonders. Especially knowing that you’re on the same team working together.
@Jermagic
You're really carrying a heavy load between your job and taking care of your family, and it's completely understandable to feel drained and overwhelmed by it all. Talking to your wife about how you're feeling, when things are calm, could be really helpful. It might give you both a chance to understand each other's perspectives better. It's okay to seek support outside of your relationship too, like talking to a counselor. They can offer strategies to cope with the stress and help you navigate these tough times.
If you need someone to be a listener to talk to you, I’m more than happy to
@Jermagic
I can see that you are at your wit's ends. I would completely feel the same way in your situation. You definitely have to put your mental well being and rest first. It's the only way you can be a better father and that's what's important.
@Jermagic 3 children, 6 different colour marker pens (will teach them to share and work together), clear a wall of pictures then ask them to draw a nice mural for mummy as she is so stressed out from watching TV soaps all day. Their reward will be a pint of ice cream each but no spoons. I can guarantee you will be relieved of parental duties for at least the time it takes wifey to clean the walls and the sticky ice cream from the curtains and soft furnishings. Thank me later.
@Jermagic O
I'm sorry that she is treating you as if you haven't been busy yourself that never feels good, maybe you both can sit down and you express your feelings, have her share hers work that out and then you both talk about your kids. that way she's able to give you her feedback and then you can give yours and maybe you'll be able to work out a compromise. hope that this is helpful
