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I feel like giving up

User Profile: agreeableSkies9889
agreeableSkies9889 August 17th

Hey everyone! I have been going through it. Most of you who know me on here know that I'm closeted trans. It's been really hard recently. I have a very strong disconnect between online life and my real life. People online shower me with praise, call me pretty. The people I've shown my face too say I look beautiful and my clothes are nice but in real life every sees me as a guy. I have become so depressed and desperate that I have been sharing with online strangers very deep personal things about my life. I don't know what to do. My loneliness is becoming to much of a burden. There's was one really intense connection I had with a guy online for two days who made me feel so gross but I gave into because I was lonely... I don't know what to do... I walked off my job in the middle off helping a customer. My room is disgustingly dirty... I haven't changed my sheets in months... I don't care much about anything right now. I can't focus at all. I feel like I completely gave up on life

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User Profile: KoalaC
KoalaC August 18th

Hey, from the beginning of your post I felt that you wanted to feel seen and love. Well take it from a stranger I think that you are a brave and Beautiful human being. It doesn't matter the gender, the only two people whose opinion matters and you should make proud are your inner child and your old self. I know people can be hurtful but every time someone laughs or it's mean to you, before taking it personal, ask yourself why their opinion is important, then you realise that you have given them power with just their opinion, and you can take it away or even take your power back. Sometimes when someone is very hurtful I answer, hold on ( I take a deep breath) I think you are confused, why do you think you opinion matters?

User Profile: positiveRabbit155
positiveRabbit155 August 18th

@agreeableSkies9889

I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this. It sounds like everything kind of piled up at once. the loneliness, having to hide part of yourself in real life, work, your room, all of it.

And honestly, walking out of work and not being able to take care of things at home sounds less like you “don’t care” and more like you’re completely drained right now.

You don’t have to fix your whole life tonight. Even something tiny like drinking some water, changing your shirt, or clearing one spot on your bed counts.

Also, please be a little careful with people online when you’re this lonely. When you really need connection it can be easy to put up with someone who makes you feel worse just because having somebody feels better than having nobody.

Are you safe right now? Like, do you have anyone you trust that you could talk to or be around for a bit?
User Profile: mytwistedsoul
mytwistedsoul August 18th

@agreeableSkies9889 I’m sorry you’re hurting so much right now. I know we don't really know each other. Sometimes in our desperation and loneliness we do things and share things with people we probably shouldn't. 

Depression is hard to deal with. Try to treat yourself with gentleness and kindness. 

Even though this just online, the beauty and kindness people see in you is real. We see you for who you truly are, too. For the moment just focus on breathing. We're here for you, whether you want to vent, talk about something totally random to distract you, or just sit in silence. You matter and we are rooting for you! 💜

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