I hate my BF yet still I stay
I should I hate myself for even being in this situation. My bf is a Japanese/White covert narcissist, who is disgusting, controlling, nasty and a horrible human being. He calls me fat, he makes nasty commits about my weight my culture, and my race. Throws some of the most important and private things I’ve shared with him back in my face to try to I guess “hurt” or humiliate me. Like being raped, or other experiences I’ve had and shared. He has put his hands on me when I asked questions about lies I’ve caught him in or when he’s flirting with women. I just needed to vent and say I hate him deeply. I never knew trauma bonding was this real. I’m making moves and taking small steps to leave this *** once and for all.
@cognitivedrift
Hey there, thanks so much for having the courage to make this post and share what's going on for you. I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through and all that's happened to you, but really glad that you're finding the strength and courage to do what's right for you. Sending much strength, and if you ever wanted to talk 1:1, I'd really welcome hearing from you. 💙
@cognitivedrift
Small steps are still progress... many stay for various reasons and one day they decide they had enough... i think you are close if not at the point already
Hi there. I'm going through something eerily similar. I've learned that the words they say don't measure your value. I also know it's not easy but please stay strong and push forward. Don't allow him to break your soul. Work on fixing your self for you
@cognitivedrift That sounds incredibly painful and unfair. Being insulted, controlled, and hurt like that is not okay, especially when he used your trauma against you. It makes sense that you feel so much anger and hurt, and it’s really strong of you to already be taking steps to leave. You deserve to be treated with care and respect.
Its not about now. Look at yourself 2 years later and see how things would be then if you are still with him. Change, while being the only constant is the thing we hate the most. But in life, you have to be adaptable. His actions are the universes way to tell you that you need to let this go. Only when the old leaves, the new has an oppurtunity to enter.
I hope you get what you are searching for. Good luck
@cognitivedrift
yeah leave him. you don't have to stay in a toxic relationship. you deserve better.
@cognitivedrift
1.- I think you are being brave just by telling your story and also taking steps to get out of a bad situation
2.- obviously you should be in a relationship where you feel valued appreciated and loved.. less than that might not be worthy
3.- and finally and most importantly: don't hate... when you love someone, you feel that love intensely, It affects you It fills you, It becomes a part of you and that is a beautiful thing... And the exact same thing happens when you hate, Meaning is you who is affected by the feeling... if he is not worthy of your love he shouldn't be worthy of your hate either, just your indiference
Good luck! and never forget to love yourself 😊
Thank you everyone for your support. When I wrote this I was in the middle of the chaos and was typing faster than I could think. I’m going to delete this but I wanted to say thank you so much for reaching out. I appreciate you all. ❤️
Hello, and thank you for sharing your story. I have a close friend who went through something very similar, so I’ve seen how heavy that kind of situation can be. She eventually left the relationship, only to find herself repeating the same pattern with someone new. What finally helped her was realizing that, even though she was a victim of abuse, there were things in her own patterns that kept her in those situations. She started counseling and support groups to understand why she tolerated it for so long and how to break the cycle. She told me that if she didn’t work on herself, she’d likely keep ending up in the same kind of dysfunction and toxicity.
Thanks for sharing. For my situation, this is the first and only time I’ve had/allowed this to happen. He presented himself entirely different when we met. I learned everything about him was a lie, but I was in too deep. Made excuses, thought circumstances and life challenges made him change but after really analyzing and paying attention to some hints in the beginning till now, I’m realizing he may have always been this way.