I hate myself:(
T.w — S.T (no crises needed rn) heavy emotions, self-hate, feeling lost.
I'm Falling apart all over agn, i see no light ahead... i hate myself to death:(
I'm so disgusting, idk... every minute I'm regretting my existence!! i regret my whole life !!
It's so heavy on my chest rn, i can't really endure this no longer.
I'm disoriented.
I'm a mistake.
I'm a sinner.
I'm shameful.
I'm so dramatic.
I just want to run away from everything n everyone...
I'm not blaming single one but oneself... how disgrace n degraded i am !!
I deserve ***, i only belong there... my darkness won me all over:(
My S.T thoughts are rising agn… the efforts i took to fight them feel like they’re slipping through my fingers no:(
What the point of living??
No love. No faith. no proper reason to take step ahead
My health issues keep messing up with me... i can't no longer take this..!! it's stammering.
I'm completely out of my mind, I'm restless... can't get out my bed..!! I'm so degraded by everyone, even oneself then what's point of pointing others.
I hate the point of blaming others or my mental health for what i do..!! I'm so isolated, left alone..!!
I can't no longer fool myself that I'm alright. I'm not, i can't feel peace... I'm not happy, not even a tiny bit. I'm a liar... I'm so guilty of my actions !!
I'm so afraid of what i am, I'm afraid of my future, apprehensive!! i don't want to be me. i hate myself.
I'm weak, mentally n physically..!! Both..!!
Tysm for spending ur precious time reading on this... I'm grateful:) <3
Hugs ❤️
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 (offers safe hugs) You are not a mistake. We make mistakes but we learn from them. We all sin, no matter how hard we try or how good we try to be. I think God takes into account our hearts and the fact that we're human.
@mytwistedsoul
Hi Twist!! hope u doing good:) <3
Tysm first of all... for taking ur moments for me. it mean's a lot!! n those are really warm word's to me. ty <3
Yeah, humans make mistakes, they learn n somehow thye make changes but I've been trying ( idk that I'm trying or not ) for year's but nothing seems to be working..!! I'm not changed even a bit. I'm stubborn as I am n keep making things even more harder:(
It'll be good, if I can get better in a way as u mentioned... I'm craving that TBH
I checked out for PMR technic, tysm for sharing this...!! I'll make sure to give it a try properly. <3
Im so grateful for ur support twist ❤️ it mean's a lot more than u could imagine 🌷
Sending lots of love and blessings ur way 💕
Hugs 🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 Tbh there are some days that I don't try very hard either. On those days maybe we just rest and do what we can to make it through the day, without beating ourselves up
@mytwistedsoul
Hey twist <3
Tysm for spending some time with me, it really mean's a lot !!
I’m not usually like this… but somewhere along the way I became someone who shamefully procrastinate. I’ve lost many thing’s because of this, n there’s something I can’t fix now… time just slipped away in a blink. I tried not to be too hard on myself, gave myself “quality time” thinking I could rewire my mind… but now I can’t even clearly tell what exactly I lost:( it feel's unfixable n unbearable…
The most wild part is, I knew what was going to happen in the end, yet I still stayed lazy n distracted myself with useless thing's 😔 now I’m facing the consequences of that.
So you’re right TBH!! maybe I should’ve listened to them instead of ignoring their words, even if they felt harsh. Now I’m sitting here with regret. I keep wondering… did they actually have a point? or am I just hiding behind my mental struggles n using them as reasons? I really don’t know anymore.
Yeah, I’ve been thinking the same… I just want to start all over agn from strach, but this time only focus on one specific thing instead of everything at once.
I’m really grateful for you. It makes me happy knowing you’re here for me n trying to help. The way u understood me honestly made me feel lighter. You truly eased some of my pain 😊 Tysm!!💕
Hugs u closer to my heart
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 It's been nice talking with you 😊 Procrastination isn't caused by laziness. I don't think you're lazy at all. Maybe trying to rewire your brain felt overwhelming. That overwhelm can be paralyzing. Depression, anxiety, ADHD, grief, all that can lead to that paralyzing procrastination
@mytwistedsoul
Hey hi 😊❤️
Aww <3 I feel the same, i do love to chat with you 💝
Yeah...!! I completely agree with, that's so true but I'm feeling guilty to hide behind my mental illness. isn't that like I'm putting reason's to procrastinate?? idk, how to get rid of this feeling...:(
No, no...!! I'm not misunderstood u or something fr. I'm just sharing abt how I'm actually feeling inside. like i do worry sometimes abt the cruelty i receive from them but isn't that i deserve it? deserve harshness i mean?? cus, I'm not feeding their they expect in me? so.. it turns out to be a hatred in me i felt..! 😞💔 It's me..!! who's wrong:( isn't it??
Yes, that sounds to be a good idea... I'm using pomodoro technic in recent day's!! it also sounds nice to me. I'll try what u shared, that seems to be working tho 😊
Thank you so much for ur support, I'm so glad ur being here for me !! I'm so grateful ❤️ mean's so much to me <3 i feel lighter chatting with you ❤️
Hugs 🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 I apologize for my late reply ❤️
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
I wish I had an inkling of what to say, it's a painful read. I can only wish you well 🤲
@RunningMachine
Hey there <3
It's completely fine, I'm grateful that ur here for me rn.. it matters more than anything for me ❤️
Tysm for ur supportive presence for me.
Sending lots of love and blessings ur way 💗
Hugs 💝
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Thank you, i don't feel so useless now 👍
@RunningMachine
Omg, pls don't... ur not, will never!! Tbh it makes me happy that ur concerned abt me 💗 it's so much for someone like me, more than u could ever imagine <3
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
It works both ways 😄
@RunningMachine
😅🤗💗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 my dear I was feeling damn *** right now but when I saw your post my soul was like what the *** man!! You don't need to blame yourself for everything. You have to understand that God tests everyone and you just have to pass that test. If I talk about myself God give me any trouble I just say give me more I can fight enough I am a strong enough... Just be who you are there is no need to degrade or degrace yourself!!♥️
@gregariousAcres6854
Hey sweetie <3
I'm so sry to know that u were doing good n also glad my post made u feel lighter!!
I'm so happy to hear that, you're so resilient... ik it might taken so much of courage n strength!! I'm proud of u for that 😊
Aww <3 That's so lovely... those are beautiful words to hear rn..!! tysm for ur support, it matters a lot 💗
Sending lots of love and happiness ur way ❤️
Hugs 🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Are you okay?
Nothing is really worth your life
You need to live
Youre not a mistake
You are a great person
@neonKiwi8070
Hi neon ❤️
Tysm for ur concern, that's a lot for me...!! those are lovely n supportive word's to receive rn. ty 😊
I'm uncertain abt how im doing rn..!! I'm feeling heavy... my chest hurts!! not mentally n physically stable tho:( but I'm trying to get better in a way:)
Thank you so much once agn..!! sending lots of love and care ur way ❤️
Hugs 🤗
You need to get better
I'm new here
I came here to seek solutions as well
I was frustrated but the thought of hurting my self never come to my mind
I learnt that you're the only one that can make yourself happy
The world is cruel you just have to be fine, do what makes you happy
@neonKiwi8070
Aww <3 Welcome to 7Cups 🌸 I'm the most happiest to have u here with us ❤️!!
I'm sry to hear that ur frustrated, you're not alone in ur journey of healing, we walk beside u 😊.
That's so much kind of u, I'm trying to be better anyways... idk, what it abt take even more. but yeah... I'm still paddling. will make this one day at moment ❤️
Tysm for ur support n concern 💐 it's means more than u think 🌸
Hugs 💝
@neonKiwi8070
Welcome to Cups, loneliness was the main factor for me finding Cups, I genuinely hope you find thw some care and support I have.
Your point that you're the only one that can make yourself happy is relevant, but also that happiness is fleeting and craving it is a cause of suffering itself. I've learnt after a potential friendship a couple of years back didn't go as I hoped that loneliness is woul destroying and that we are social beings by nature. The support and friendship on Cups just the past few weeks has helped me value the social contacts I do make so much more.
Hey, I’m sorry you feel like this, and it must be so difficult going through the motions while feeling all those negative emotions. All those thoughts, they’re only there to bring you down. It’s okay to think these things but what isn’t okay is to believe them. This isn’t the first time you’ve had these experiences and just like in the past, you’ll soon overcome! You may feel weak, but reality says otherwise. You’re strong and resilient and even if it doesn’t feel like it, opportunities will open to provide some sort of comfort. I may not know everything you’re going through, but I do know that you’re doing a great job in fighting.
@forcefulJet3274
Hey force ❤️ Hope you doing good today:)
First of all, thank you so much for being here n supporting me... those words are something meaningful ngl.
Idk... idk that I'll be ever alright or not..!! if i take it honest... i never felt the peace 😕. i had been through tragic life n still going through. I'm someone who lives in cruel environment!! n few more reason that keeping me far from positive thoughts or to take any steps ahead. yet..!! as u mentioned... I'm leading my life ahead as i used to.
Tysm for clicking my mind... something hit after reading this. Tysm for that Dear!❤️ you're doing awesome 😊
Sending lots of love and blessings ur way ❤️ hugs 🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 Everything will be okay.
@KK100
Aww <3 Tysm...! it mean's a lot.
Hugs 🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 You said you see no light ahead.. but you are the light, Ailura. You’re the one who’s been quietly lighting up this whole community, and more lives than you probably realize.
And you said you hate yourself… how can you though!? How can someone so deeply appreciated by so many people here, and maybe beyond what we can even see... be worthy of hate!? It just doesn’t fit rightt🤍
You mentioned regretting your existence every minute, and here we are.. grateful every minute that you exist. What a contrast, right!?<3
You said you’re a mistake.. but we see you as a blessing every single day, for every smile you bring here💕
You said you’re a sinner... but aren’t we all!? And there is alwayys the Most Merciful, the One who makes hearts clean again through His endless forgiveness, and through His endless mercy.
And you said you’re dramatic.. not more than me, I believe🤍😅
You said you want to run away from everyone, if it includes us too.. then know that we’re right behind you, chasing you anywayy❤️☺️😅
And heyy.. how dare you say there’s no love… what do you think we’re all here for then!?🤧🫂
Aahh jokes aside noww... I want you to know something important. That these intense emotions cloud our self-worth, our reasoning.. so heavily that, for a while, we can’t even see how amazing we trulyy are. So, don’t let this one moment of sadness define you, Ailura. You are loved, valued, and deeply appreciated✨❤️
@MeilleureAmie
Heii sweetie!! 💕
I’m not gonna lie… reading your message actually made me smile through all this mess 😄 Those words? They hit deeper than you probably meant them to. I really needed that reminder. It felt like someone opened a tiny window in a suffocating room ❤️
And yeah… I’m trying. I really am. Some days it feels like I’m barely keeping my head above water. I’m not exactly swimming more like holding on and refusing to sink. It’s messy. It’s confusing. My head is loud. But I’m still here.
The physical stuff though… that’s what scares me the most. My breathing hasn’t been okay lately. I get exhausted so fast. My weight’s dropping and I don’t even have the energy to handle basic things. Even simple chores feel like climbing a mountain. And when your body is weak, your mind starts believing lies too. It’s like both sides are teaming up against me.
Thank you. Seriously. Your support means more than I can put into words.
Big hugs 🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
'even simple chores like climbing a mountain' i'll stick to my treadmill, even on full gradient 15% it's not even close to a mountain 😉😉
After my first pulmonary embolism (PE) in 2015, on release from the hospital I couldn't even walk to my local supermaket that was only 400 mtrs away without stopping a couple of times each way, my lungs and pulmonary artery were still so full of clots that I just couldn't get enough oxygen into my blood. It was a case of regular short walks, every 60 - 90 minutes around a small parking area to begin with, then after a day or two a little further. As my immune system gradually broke down and absorbed the clots I was gradually able to increase distances. I never lost hope or perspective, at 48 years old I wasn't going to give in, life is far too precious (and so are you), i just accepted it would take time and persistance. A 2nd PE 20 months later was simply a 2nd reset. The difference this time was that I was going to be on prescribed medication for the rest of my life which is standard practice when their isn't a known clause. In my mind taking to small tablets a day for a little reassurance is a small price to pay. The benefit of being on medication and managing my risk, is that my aerobic capacity has subsequently recovered pretty much to the level it was before the PE's, I ran a sub 3hr marathon 4 years ago at 55 years old.
It's long winded way of saying, there are no second chances in life, it isn't a dress rehearsal. If your impact on Cups and the love and appreciation being shown to you is anything to go by, please find strength from it.
@RunningMachine
😭😭
I'm literally crying, i felt so bad for you... you've gone through sooo much...!! idk... how u manage to cope with something like this 😭. you're wayyyy strongerr...!!!
Heyyyyy......!!!!!!! you just inspired 🤧, Tysm for sharing something like that with me 😭. i honestly can't imagine u gone through something like that, like you've shared this other day too but now it's kinda hit me so harder.
How are you doing rn 😭???
I hope I'll be better someother day, I've got some hope after hearing such thing from u... even tho mine way different from u..!!!! butttt the pain is something relatable 😭😣.
I got this Mann, I got this 😣😤
Yessssss.....!!!!! 😼😼
Hugs youu sooo closer to my heart 😭🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
I'll happily share and keep sharing, your response is all i wanted to read and achieve 👍
I live with the the risk that I am prone to excess thrombosis but it is manageable, keep myself as fit, active and hydrated as I can to minimise the risk. I found 7 Cups due to loneliness, I had emotionally shut down as I didn't want my own health to be a burden to others close to me. The loneliness was suffocating and combined with knowing the thrombosis risk will only increase as my mobility reduces with age i do fear the future. Yourself and Cups in general has been nothing short of a tonic, I've relished the interactions and found a sense of purpose and hopefully a way forward again. Small steps but in case you haven't gathered I'm a fighter by nature and 'm far from beaten 😉😉
I honestly hope that being so open and sharing helps as many people as possible.
How do i cope ? Day to day that's the easy bit, move and drink, simply not ready to give in 😉
I understand how you feel, and I want to talk to you privately, exchange my feelings, and I feel that I want to help you with nice advice and words.
@indigoGrapes8411
Aww <3 that's so much to me..!! i appreciate ur intention. n I'm so sorry you walking the similar path 😔..!
Idk... i feel somehow better rn, I'm receiving the way love n compassion i never i had n the way i never expect it to be, Ppl's here are way compassinative n lovely:) 💗 I'm so grateful to ppl's like u <3 I'm so glad to know u would love to support me 😊 that say's lot abt u ❤️ ty for being kind:) ( ◜‿◝ )♡
Yeah, Buddy...!! i would love to hear that, can we make a penpal or something? what do u say, dear?
Hugs 💗
A nice person yourself deserves to live in a world full of cruelty. I wish you many beautiful things like you.💕💕💕🥹🥹ok no problem
I understand you because this is the same thing I do I feel the same like I feel like I'm a loser and lonely and everything exactly like you said I'm a sinner a lair I'm so bad I never did something good in my life but if you keep thinking this way you will waste the rest of your life regretting so I take a A decision for myself I will stop it
Idid bad things before yes I did but it's not important anymore I did it and it's done it's past now so I make a list
I will stop that talking to myself I will stop hate myself I will love it
I started to change myself and I still try to change myself to something my future would love so you should stop it you are not a sinner if you did a lot of sins it's okay forget yourself and try to stop any sin you do and it's eating you from the inside because no one gonna help you it's only you who will help you
@willingLime7204
Hey hi willing 💗..!!
I'm so sorry to hear that you been through the same path i do...!! thats something intense to carry within:(
Wow...!! I'm speachless, sweetie... honestly! the way u healed by oneself is something inspiring to know, i swear..! it might have taken so much of ur strength n courage ❤️ to be where u r now... 😊 I'm the happiest to read something like this, that u've gained this mindset n the strength to cope with ur stuffs. that completely inspired me 💓.
Yeah, i do feel the same rn... i completely agree with. n the way Ppl's here tryna help me is heartfelt TBH!! I've gained some hope agn:)
n yeah, i do quit my sin...!! I'm not turning to the place where i have been in any case, Tysm 💝 I'll take all ur words with me, means a lot more than u could ever think. i truly means it 💝
You're doing amazing... i love that abt u..!! i love kinda ppl's like u <3 would love to be ur friend, sweetie 😊. ty for being awesome n kind 💜
sending lots of love and blessings ur way 💞
Tight Hugs ❤️
You’re amazing and I love you! hugsssss <3
Aw thank you I love you too 💗💗💗
@jesusredeemedme2425
Thank youu, love youu Kiara 😭🤧
Hugs received, warm n comforting 🌸 tysm..!! 💝
