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I hate myself:(

User Profile: AiluraTheCat
AiluraTheCat February 13th

T.w — S.T (no crises needed rn) heavy emotions, self-hate, feeling lost.




I'm Falling apart all over agn, i see no light ahead... i hate myself to death:( 

I'm so disgusting, idk... every minute I'm regretting my existence!! i regret my whole life !! 

It's so heavy on my chest rn, i can't really endure this no longer. 

I'm disoriented.

I'm a mistake.

I'm a sinner.

I'm shameful.

I'm so dramatic.

I just want to run away from everything n everyone... 

I'm not blaming single one but oneself... how disgrace n degraded i am !! 

I deserve ***, i only belong there... my darkness won me all over:( 

My S.T thoughts are rising agn… the efforts i took to fight them feel like they’re slipping through my fingers no:(

What the point of living?? 

No love. No faith. no proper reason to take step ahead 

My health issues keep messing up with me... i can't no longer take this..!! it's stammering. 

I'm completely out of my mind, I'm restless... can't get out my bed..!! I'm so degraded by everyone, even oneself then what's point of pointing others.

I hate the point of blaming others or my mental health for what i do..!! I'm so isolated, left alone..!! 

I can't no longer fool myself that I'm alright. I'm not, i can't feel peace... I'm not happy, not even a tiny bit. I'm a liar... I'm so guilty of my actions !!

I'm so afraid of what i am, I'm afraid of my future, apprehensive!! i don't want to be me. i hate myself.

I'm weak, mentally n physically..!! Both..!! 

Tysm for spending ur precious time reading on this... I'm grateful:) <3 

Hugs ❤️




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User Profile: inventiveLunch4705
inventiveLunch4705 February 15th

And one last thing- you may have made a mistake, like everyone has, but you are Not a mistake.

1 reply
User Profile: AiluraTheCat
AiluraTheCat OP February 16th

@inventiveLunch4705

Aww <3 thank you so much, i hope so 😊. those words means a lot to me 💖 

Hugs ❣️ 

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User Profile: CallMeAK716
CallMeAK716 February 15th

Darkness During A Storm Doesn't Mean The Sun Isn't Shining Above.

Running Away Must Be Impossible When Your Feet Are Tied Up Like This.

But You Have A Choice....

You Can Either Endure it...

Cursing Every Second Of Your Life Just Wishing It Would Be Over Soon

Or

You Could Build A Shelter, Not A Comfortable One But Just Enough To Get You Through It.

The Storm Always Ends And The Sun Always Shines

Trust Me It Will ❤️

1 reply
User Profile: AiluraTheCat
AiluraTheCat OP February 16th

@CallMeAK716

Wow, Those are inspiring words I've heard today, tysm for those beautiful words to me, it mean's a lot you took ur time to support me 💗 it's mean's a lot 💕.

n i feel better now, seeing Ppl's like u encouraging the best way possible made me feel full n shown me some light's ahead 😊. 

i hope things will soon ease up n I'll get through things ❤️ Tysm for ur support... I'm so grateful for ur genuine concern over me 💝

Sending lots of love n care ur way ❤️ 

Hugs 🤗 

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User Profile: OrganicHope1067
OrganicHope1067 February 15th

Hi Ailura,

Just one ask from you if you can..

Write down the exact opposite of this post ( do keep the reference to you same) and say it aloud 3 times..

Tell me how you felt post doing it.

Appreciate your genuine feedback!

User Profile: discreetMap5489
discreetMap5489 February 16th

from less recent times but im been trying to step out there and try to reconnect with people, so ive been shairng some of my writting but from experince being alonly inside regardless on how many messages you get will still be there when the message arent (To say hello is harder than a few things; we find it hard to understand the world, never seems to care. So we much leave for this feels the only way to improve anything, when the air disappears from the breath we are told is a gift yet feels like a curse. Ever heard the expression getting hit in the face by a brick wall only if you could see my job and if others didn’t see it I wounded believe it myself but I understand that personally and it hurts less than the void.) for this they say take a breath and breathe but cold air is still cold air dont let the phyical pain overtake the emotional pain for flowers bloom after a harsh winter

User Profile: peachThinker662
peachThinker662 February 16th

@Ailuraphilelove8tear9

I am just seeing this. 💙💙

i really really hope you are having a better day today sweetheart!!!!!! 

But, I’m very happy to see you expressing yourself and not holding it in. Let it off your chest 🧘‍♀️ These waves 🌊 of guilt, shame and anger come…and it’s overwhelming.

i am here with you! I hear you. I see you. 

I see a very kind, compassionate, intelligent, brave, determined person with a loving, caring way and a great sense of humor. 

Let those tears flow of they need to. Yell into a pillow of you need to. Or keep venting. Sometimes it helps to say “what do I need?” 💜🤍

One day you will feel peace, you will feel relief and you will feel happiness. It feels like an eternity when stuck in the emotions. But one day when you smile, you’ll notice and say to yourself there’s some joy. The confidence will come. 

And please —remember—-we all make mistakes. 💙🩷 We learn and we GROW! 

pengu-pudgy.gif

2 replies
User Profile: AiluraTheCat
AiluraTheCat OP February 16th

@peachThinker662 (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

Hey heiii peach 💗 hru doing? hope u doing Better now 💗

Wow, i swear..!! ur replies never failed ground me 😊. idk... i always feel that u cast some healing spell over me. i feel ur warmth passing through all over my soul:) ❤️ Yell at pillow??? 🤣 ty for the chuckles but those are one my great way to ground me 😜. ty;)

Anyways sweetie, the thing is I'm doing somehow better now:) its certainly because of the Ppl's here who raining their every drop of compassion n love towards me 😊. n i did quit something which i regret myself for doing it 😔 but Thank god i claimed my strength from my rabb n y'all 💕 now i feel way lighter ❤️. 

n i do started to work on myself better than before...!! 💓 it's so much TBH. I'm struggling for years n years for this 😣. finalllyy 😭🤧 

But I'm ngl, there is things keep aching in me way bad but still i can say, I'm not into darkness... i see some light ahead. I've got some hope n courage makes me feel that i can get over this one day at a moment. it's strange to be felt but i do 🙃. 

I hope things will soon ease up for us 💞...!! sending lots of love n happy vide ur way ❤️ you're amazing as always 😃😍.

Hug youu soo closer to my heart 🤗

Love youu 🤗❤️

hug.gif

1 reply
User Profile: peachThinker662
peachThinker662 February 16th

@Ailuraphilelove8tear9

 it brings tears to my eyes, knowing that in able to provide some comfort to you 🥹🩷

 I’m Happy to hear you are in better spirits.

 Often, I call out of work (in comparison to you quitting something) I get so hung up on feeling horrible when I do it. I know everyday is a new day and we can only do it one day at a time (Sometimes 1 minute at a time 😮‍💨) but we do things that we feel is right in the moment. Just got to be kinder to the thoughts and ourselves. 

Aches come. That I know. But they get lighter 

I believe in you 🩷💛🩷

i-love-you-dog.gif

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User Profile: WiseCaribbean
WiseCaribbean February 16th

@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 I am going to give you my humble opinion:

I am sure that you are aware that one of the main characteristic of being human is the possibility of being wrong, As a species we have accepted this, Because we understand that our perception of things sometimes is not accurate Although individually sometimes we forget it. my point is That you are accurately describing your perception of things but if you remember that you are human, Then you could realize that you might be also wrong.

If you could do THAT. Inevitably that opens the possibility of a different scenario, because the thing with perceptions, is that we react to them as if it were the reality. 

You are here you are interacting with people, You have education you express yourself well... My point is that from here I can see some good things.. if I knew you better I am sure I would find more and more positive things.

anyway, You have two options as I see it: find People who love you and ask for THEIR perception, you might be surprised on how different it could be, I have been in that situation more than once, and I couldn't believe how wrong I was, but knowing made me better.

but there is only the beginning.. Professional counseling is always a good idea They are trained to analyze perceptions. I am just a regular guy, but if you want to talk to me I am happy to oblige

Have a hug and good luck 😊

User Profile: lightofthevoid
lightofthevoid February 16th

I can completely understand this feeling. It can be so hard and crushing. My physical health has been it's most horrible lately. I haven't been this sick before. I am worried something might be terribly wrong. I wonder what is going on all the time and it causes me even more distress. Not helping the body recover at all. I do wish us both well.

1 reply
User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 February 16th

@lightofthevoid

I wish you well also 🩷

i-love-you-love-you.gif

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User Profile: brightBeing4780
brightBeing4780 February 16th

@Ailuraphilelove8tear9 Why? Talk to me about it 

User Profile: Lee1230
Lee1230 February 17th

Hi there :,(

You are not a mistake! We are all here for a reason and we all have a purpose ! The point of living is being to experience life and learning everyday! Anything that we mess up on or learn it's always just a lesson. Life is about learning about yourself your likes and dislikes. No one is perfect we are unique in our own ways! Love yourself!

User Profile: pinkfloydFan6226
pinkfloydFan6226 February 17th

Same, I absolutely despise myself!

14 replies
User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 February 17th

@pinkfloydFan6226


i-love-you-love-you.gif

13 replies
User Profile: pinkfloydFan6226
pinkfloydFan6226 February 17th

@Amanda84 Thanks ❤️ It's hard being a weirdo and a ****-up

12 replies
User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 February 17th

@pinkfloydFan6226

I don't think you are a weirdo , just made to sadly feel this way 🩷

11 replies
User Profile: pinkfloydFan6226
pinkfloydFan6226 February 17th

No, I am! It's fact, not opinion

10 replies
User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 February 17th

@pinkfloydFan6226

We might have to agree to disagree 🩷

9 replies
User Profile: pinkfloydFan6226
pinkfloydFan6226 February 17th

I can't convince myself otherwise

8 replies
User Profile: RunningMachine
RunningMachine February 17th

@pinkfloydFan6226

Hey if you're a Pink Floyd you can't be so bad, listen to the 'Echoes' in my top 5 of all time 😄😄

7 replies
User Profile: pinkfloydFan6226
pinkfloydFan6226 February 17th

I might have a great taste in music, but it doesn't make me any less of a weird, useless human being 😂

6 replies
User Profile: RunningMachine
RunningMachine February 17th

@pinkfloydFan6226

I sincerely hope that in time your opinion changes.

5 replies
User Profile: pinkfloydFan6226
pinkfloydFan6226 February 17th

It's not opinion, it's fact, and it's out of my control 😢

User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 February 17th

@RunningMachine

🩷

3 replies
User Profile: pinkfloydFan6226
pinkfloydFan6226 February 17th

I'm at war with myself every day

2 replies
User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 February 17th

@pinkfloydFan6226

🩷

That's hard to hear!

1 reply
User Profile: pinkfloydFan6226
pinkfloydFan6226 February 17th

It's hard to be me

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