I'm not okay and I don't know what to do.

@Lindsey103

I can't share such an experience, but I know it's a difficult thing, and of course, you shouldn't underestimate it. You feel like you could have done something, but there are things in life we ​​can't influence. Alas. But one way or another, all these moments can remind us of those days and years when we were close with our loved ones. You probably spent good times with your grandmother in the past. She was more than just a person to you. And you could probably name many things connected with her that are still important. But of course, no matter what, you will be worried now. This is normal, give yourself time. But don't drag it out for too long. I think your grandmother once went through similar things, and then she had your mother, you, and the world began to make sense. So, remember her deeds and personality, but be strong and don't let yourself break. She will be glad to see you strong. Hang in there!

@Lindsey103

There is nothing more shattering then watching the slow end of a life...I have done that and it is life changing. 

I was messed up in the beginning but later saw it was something i was glad i was able to do to be there.   I have lost others in my life but that experience was totally life changing.... I went thru many stages of depression but I came thru it.  In the end I found I needed to live and remember and share good stories of my loved one.   It was hard and looking back always brings up feelings so i learned to live with it.

I lost my aunt who was like a parent to me. It was depressing for a long time but when I looked deep into our memories together, I elicited the purpose of my life, to live to the best, as that was what she wanted to give me all through with her love. 💛✨️

@Lindsey103

I can imagine how it must be for you to experience this. I felt shattered and broken when I heard about my grandma's demise. I had just started to spend more time with her months before her demise, long after my childhood summer holidays that were always spent with her. I had just came back home after one such weekend and I still have this memory etched in my mind. It was raining heavily, we had lost the electricity in our town and we were alltogether watching the thunderstorms, heavy rain pouring down and eating some hot soupy snacks. It always makes me feel warm when I think about that rainy evening. The next day I had left to be back in my city and the day after I got the call from my uncle to hear that my grandma is no more! It was devastating! I couldn't make sense of it. How could it be that I just have this nice memory made few days ago and she is now no more? It was quite difficult. I was crying a lot. I ran back to our town to attend her funeral and can only remember a lot of crying. It was not so easy to accept that loss. It was the first time I had lost someone very close to me. But when days went by, I was more accepting of the reality. Even now when I think of her, tears well up so easily. But I can only say that it will be difficult for the time being until you accept it. Until then it is okay to feel sad. It is okay to feel that void. It is okay to cry. It only honours her presence in your life. More strength to you!

I've gone through a similar experience with my mother. The only slight relief is in knowing that they are no longer suffering. It's not easy and will take time but it has also shaped me into who I am today. Refusing to let the world and others change who I am, not just for myself, but to carry on and keep those good qualities that she saw in me.

The pain you feel just goes to show how big of an impact she was in your life. The close bond you two shared. There is a time for grief but just know that she wouldn't want you to be sad. Try to remember all the good memories and hold onto those. I'm sure she would want nothing but the best for you.