Living a Lie
I’m writing here because I don’t have anyone who truly understands what I’m feeling. I’m going through a very difficult experience being engaged to someone I don’t want, simply because he gained my family’s approval. They decided he’s the right person for me.
I believe I’m partly to blame for where I am now, because I gave up and stopped trying to convince them but all my attempts were useless. I can’t hide the sadness on my face. I try my best to isolate myself just to avoid conversations I don’t want to hear.
What hurts me the most is seeing how excited my family is about the engagement, while being upset that I’m not even interested in looking for a dress I like.
How can I prepare for something that ties me to a person I don’t want?
How can I show happiness when deep inside, I’m crying?
@iixic I'm really sorry you're going through this. Please know that your feelings are valid and they truly matter. you shouldn't be forced for an engagement against your will.
I know family matters can be overwhelming, but please try be honest about your feelings... Even if it hurts now or makes them upset. Speaking up for yourself now can help you avoid regrets later in life.
Please ask someone, anyone to help with this. you have the right to choose the person you want to marry and if this one doesn't feel okay to you personally. It's completely okay to stop.
You're the one who has to live with the person.
Please let them know how you feel, about this. So years later, you won't have to carry this silently and blame your parents for choosing the wrong person for you. You're not alone in this, and you matter 🤍 Sending lots of love to you ❤️❤️
Ps. I really hope my message felt as supportive, and not rude 🤍 I truly meant it with care ❤️
@fossilfellow
Thank you so much and I truly appreciate you taking the time to write such a thoughtful message. I’ve tried to express my feelings many times, but they keep saying it’s just because I don’t know him yet and that I’ll eventually get used to.
@iixic ❤️❤️
@iixic Hey, I'm so sorry you're going through this; it sounds so tough. Your feelings matter and that you should definitely be able to play a role in every major decision of your life. Is there anyone you trust that you can talk to about this or that could give you some advice (legally, personally)? We'll always be here to support you and help you get through this. You're so loved and precious no matter what! Sending prayers and love your way 💖
@xsoupyplants12
Thank you so much for your kind words.
Unfortunately, I have tried with people I trust which are my family but they all give me the same answer.
Your message brought me comfort, and I’m deeply grateful for your support and prayers 💗
Of course, I’m so glad I could support you 🫶 and I understand—maybe there’s a 3rd party (like a therapist, counselor, lawyer etc) that you could seek out if you’re comfortable? I’m hoping the best for you and will be by your side always!!
I m so sorry you are going through this and as hard as it is i think you should rethink this again if you truly believe you do not want this engagement then speak up don't be silent you are the one who will get married at the end of the day not your parents if you are an adult then they can't force you i too come from a culturally strict community but do not allow them to dictate your life for you if they don't hear you then don't sign that paper or call that fiance and break it off with him my mom went a similar situation she didn't need a reason and even though her parents were angry she broke off the engagement and she made her own choice my aunt on the other side was pressured to agree because she was too weak minded to refuse marriage is forever at the emd of the day whatever you will go through you will go through it alone please be safe if you are against threats from your family or you know that they will hurt you please seek some help i know how it is to be afraid but don't be just gather the courage even if you will regret speaking at first you will look back on it and be glad that you made this step
@wisteria28
Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I’ve honestly tried so many times, but nothing worked. At this point, the only thing I feel I can do is go through with the engagement and try during that time to make him end it himself. We’ll be in contact anyway, and this way, my family won’t see me as the one who ruined it. I just want this whole thing to end for good. Also your mom is so brave❤️❤️❤️
You are welcome and yes she is maybe because she was always financially independent and her family already got used to her being the owner of her own decision i m so sorry you are going through this i m praying things get well for you have courage and never give up what you want they can't force you just tell him you don't want him and if he doesn't break it off on his own refuse to sign the marriage paper please i really wish from the bottom of my heart for your safety and for this to end if you can keep us updated i would be very happy to know things got well for you ❤️ sending you lots of love
@iixic I'm so sorry you are going through this. I see standing up to your family is not really an option fro you right now, so let's see the other side of it. Is there a way to sit down with the guy and get to know him a little to see if there is any hope for this to work? Or did you already have some conversations with him and see he is not a match at all and need to figure out a way to get out of it?
@sadcat13
Hi, thank you so much I really appreciate your message. I haven’t had the chance to speak with him yet, so I don’t know what he’s like or if there’s any potential for this to work. But after several failed attempts to stop the engagement, I really have no choice but to go along with it for now. My hope is that once we start talking, things might naturally lead him to end it himself. That way, I won’t be seen as the one who ruined things, and I can step away from this without causing more conflict with my family.
@iixic I think based on what you said, the best course of action seems to be to try to meet him asap to see what is he like. Use the time you have left to your advantage to spend as much time together as you can. If you like each other, great. If you don't, the more you talk, the more appearent will it be and higher the chance to cancel
Just leave the day, skip a day away from everything which you have now around you, all your things, problems and happiness if any. Just remove yourself from the whole world for just one day.
Now reason "what?" And then ask "What?" To everyone if this had to have something to me, then l am not getting that saturation or happiness from it at all.
@iixic No one should have the ability to force that decision onto you. I hope you get this settled and everything works out for the best. I promise you that there are plenty of people who have got your back!
Feel really sorry to see you in this crisis situation in life and I understand the mental trauma you are goin thru and finding no one who can understand and support, im glad you though to open and share
Its still very common in our country as parents think they know better as they have more experience in life , and im sure no parent can do or wanna see wrong to their kids
But unless they really know what is bothering you do you think rhey will be able to help you
What if after some time they say " You should have told us , your concern "
Its your life and no body knows you better than you yourself, its never late for standing out for self happiness , as if you are not happy do you think you can spread happiness around ,
Share it with them , after all its a matter of your entire future
Our wishes and prayers are with you
Wishing you lot of happiness
Take care
I think you should be honest with your partner and family as to why you don’t feel he’s the one for you.
