OCD
Just realized what real event OCD is. I could have that combined with the false memory one and POCD. It's bad to self diagnose but I see myself in so many posts about that stuff, I was sexually exploring stuff as a child and teen with my addiction, which led me watch bad things for pleasure when I never liked that in reality. Porn addiction is the worst.. The guilt is the worst.. especially that SA scene from the horror movie. I never wished that upon anyone, no one deserves that. I apologize, I didn't know how disrespectful that is, especially that it was based on real events.. gruesome events. And I feel like it isn't even about events anymore, I feel like a weird person with weird f3tishes. From the age of 9.
@huiny254
****T.W****
You are not alone in this 😥 I have been through the same... when I read your posts it feels like a reflection of myself... I know how much pain those things has caused the guilt , shame , numbness, anger , self hatred it's not fake... You have the courage to admit these so openly. I too should. I have been exposed to those things since I was young... links , I used to interact with strangers over different platforms... Used to have really messed up convos and was doing bad to myself every time i did... I regretted... It really messed up with my reality, I knew what I was doing is wrong. I was trying to stop myself. But the things I saw and did... my actions, I have spreaded harm... I was told to --- myself and many other hurtful things by people online... I don't blame them.. for that. What I was doing was wrong... it made me feel numb deep inside. At some point i thought it won't have an effect and that I'm immune to those things. But realised that I'm not 😥 I broke trust of the people who love me.. even though they don't know it.. I know what i was doing... my coping from isolation and everything during that time... I just want you to know you're not alone in this. what you're feeling is real.. it's not fake. Your pain matters. You matter and I don't care what things you've seen or did you deserve love and kindness.
You are a human, and you're not beyond help... You deserve not to fake anything. I've been here since last 4 months... I saw the people who are going through it for real. I don't want to be someone's reason to not be alive or to be in pain forever. I don't want to hurt anyone because of my *** past and mistakes... I want to be someone safe witha healthy mind set and give love freely 😥 be normal.
I came here just like you. I don't know the trauma or past you have been through but you matter and deserve love .. you are not your mistakes. You deserve to heal... and It is possible to heal from these... I am not addicted to those things... any more. And there are people who care! Who listens and see's the real you. And even if you don't believe this right now... I believe there is a kind and deeply real person in you.
You feel things now. You're not inhumane... You deserve love because you're a human... you feel deeply. And you are courageous enough to seek help. You deserve to heal from this. You realise things and you're trying hard to change and that matters. and you will get through this i promise ❤️ there are people who love you.. and just know that your posts made me feel heard and seen. And I love you through all these mistakes. You deserve love , healing and forgiveness.
I'm sorry this got messy... Sending you lots of love ❤️❤️
Seeing people making similar mistakes as me makes me feel less alone in all that. I will never accept the fact that my life messed up and I will never love myself again.. I just saw someone saying OCD will never leave, and it's the sad truth. I am the type of person to say everything is possible and don't lose hope, I never found it harder than right now to say that phrase. It's the worst. I want to love myself so bad but I can't even do things right.. but I will stick to that phrase because I know there was a time I would've did everything to prove my words
@huiny254 You will get through this ❤️ and just know that I'm on a similar jourey as yours, you're right, it's not easy to learn to love ourselves. But you're trying and seeking help, even here in 7cups, and that truly makes a difference.
Whenever you feel heavy inside, vent, brain dump, set it free. I promise it will help. Don't carry it all alone ❤️
Also, about the OCD, i understand what you mean... I too thought I had symtoms, and even got worried after I read online and through chatgpt. I don't know much in detail, but I've been able to move from those now, and i don't feel so stuck... It wasn't easy but you're working on it, and it truly matters. Every step counts, and you're really brave for reaching out ❤️
How long will it take?
For me personally, it took about 2 months of staying sober before I started to feel real clarity... It might be different for you as everyone's journey is different, but I just want you to know it does get lighter with time. What matters is that each step you take is a progress, and even the fact that you're reflecting on it shows your strength. 💙
@huiny254 I too have been through this
yes, the guilt is the worst part.
the numbness, the energy drain, the self hatred - I felt all of those every single day
but i appeared just fine to the society. It was an act, inside i was crying for help.
Know that you are not alone. Reach out more, seek help. The fact that you are on 7 cups, the fact that you've bravely opened up means you are on the healing journey. For me, willpower alone wasn't enough. i had to set physical boundaries for devices.
Sending love and strength 💗🫂
Hi <3 i know how it feels. I've had a similar childhood, and i don't know why my brain functioned that way. Even a horror movie scene, i still have flashbacks from watching that. It still disturbs me. I don't know what to do to heal my brain from it. From all of it actually but yeah. I've gotten in trouble a few times because of that. My addiction, but safe to say i don't watch anything anymore. But i almost did once or twice but i'm so happy that i fet utterly disgusted and didnt carry on. Wherever you are in your path, please continue in that. Brighter days ahead <3
Dont worry give yourself a positive time nd mind
Hihii,, It’s better to self diagnose than to be left constantly thinking you’re a terrible person. I have had pretty severe OCD episodes regarding gross topics like rpe, pedophilia, and racism - My own brain **quite literally** convinced me that I was a monster. I haven’t watched any sexually explicit scenes thoroughly before but I have read horrifying sexual and violent content which have led me to constant self-checking, repetitive intrusive thoughts and distorted perception of things, avoidance behaviours, and reassurance seeking from chatbots even though I hate AI. Managing symptoms with the help of a listener on this app helped me sosooso much and I recommend doing that for anyone struggling with an episode since it’s so much more genuine and real than any chatbot will ever be and it will help you manage the anxiety rather than robotic reassurance that only worsens the issue.
And trust me, I thought that it could never get better and I couldn’t even imagine a life without the continuous torture until I actually reached out for help ; It doesn’t have to be directly to your parents since that can be real scary but maybe a crisis line or listeners on this app!
I’m so sorry for what you’re dealing with. OCD, especially POCD is terrible. Sending lots of love 💗🫶🏼