Past
Okay, I felt a little sleepy when I woke up in the morning so I took the chance to sleep until my family came back in 3 hours. I didn't wanna stay alone. But I woke up when they came and I had that feeling of sleeping forever to not feel guilt. My body feels tired, my heart is beating either too slow or too fast, I can't tell. I deserve that for my actions, but I just want it to end so I can enjoy it.. this was the worst summer break and I will probably never have a good one from now on
@huiny254 ❤️❤️
@huiny254
Hey , well it is my opinion but I think it is not your fault at all! I can understand it since in a sense I too had gone through the phase , what I mean is you were just a kid back then, and I think in childhood we don't have that much of a sense of right and wrong we just do what we feel is attractive and luring , I think all this explicit content is so easily available so you don't have to blame yourself, I think you are really amazing for acknowledging that what you did was wrong, well I don't know until when will this feeling of disgust and guilt will go away , hey but you are already trying so I am sure it u will feel better soon, I used to have nightmares cause of it , wouldn't be able to look in the eyes of people without having any disgusted thought, but remember you were just a child also your parents should have looked over what you were watching and should have explained you things , I think you should try to forgive yourself and set healthy boundaries with things, I know it won't be easy , but you can start off small like you can start my maintaining a diary writing down your achievements, also like writing in the diary how you felt while watching down things and what actually made you feel guilty. You can try for going on healthy walks, focusing on other things like you can pick up a new healthy hobby that doesn't include screen time like I picked up embroidery and collecting feathers , brand tags sea shells and stuff , you can try talking to more people and staying away from these thoughts! I am sure you will feel better soon! 💕 💕💕💕💕 Good luck!!!
@scarletBalsam388
Also , I would tell myself the time I wasted is gone I know I can't live forever with what I am feeling, so I will have to work on my myself I can't always stay like this , I have other priorities too , I want to enjoy life , the time that is wasted is wasted it won't come back, but I still have a lot ahead , I was the one who made the fault, I got hurt so now it is my duty to forgive myself and move forward, afterall no one was hurt in it except my own sentiments so I will try to work out on things .
It's been more than a month since I tried to forgive myself so I'm losing hope. I miss sleeping without the fear of waking up with these thoughts
@huiny254 hey , sorry if I am wrong and these aren't helpful , I think you are trying which is amazing in it's all, but I also think that just telling yourself you forgive yourself is good but you need to actually believe in yourself that you have have forgiven and try to implement it in your feelings and daily activities, what I mean is just telling yourself you are forgiven can't take the feelings of disgust and guilt, I think you need to try activities that through which you don't ignore these feelings but rather face them and turn them into better ones , say for example you sleep cause you don't want to face these feelings but actually u if you do some other activity like embroidering and these feelings again come then you tell yourself " it wasn't my fault, I am working hard on self recovery and I won't let these feelings take over me " in these way I think whenever you have such bad thoughts but u push them aside with better ones , I think our brain will automatically start believing on what you are telling it, also a good tip which helped me was writing positive quotes daily and reading them, I think it is easy to ignore the feelings but that only hurts in the long run what is better is facing them and getting it done with, aah ! And I think things take time it can't be like you wake up tomorrow and u are properly healed, I used to fall get up get scratched but again begin, it's like almost been a year now but yeah ! My nightmares have decreased to a lot extent they were due to other things as well !
When life falls apart, it feels like a lifetime before it gets better again. Survive, my friend. Living will be hard and I’m not in the best space to offer you sunshine but I hope that warmth and love will reach you soon.
I hope so
