Slight Vent - Why can't I be left alone?

Its so ironic. To say- 'why can't I be left alone?',

Coz I struggle with loneliness. And when I say loneliness , it is deeply internal and something that makes heart to ache and sometimes tears roll when can't be held in. But it is true, when I say - 'why can't I be left alone' .

There are only painful irritating people around me, wherever I go. With no consideration and sense of others.

At my home, family people fight, hurt, criticize, and curse with hurtful words at each other at times. I am having holidays for some time. So I go to the library at times.

But there, even if its a library,.. the students even though grown up have no sense of silence. They keep talking, or making noise or just make their presence so irritating.

And then there are even those, who bring their partner/lovers. Its a pain. I'm not jealous. But for someone who has soul crushing loneliness.. and they don't feel loved, and they are still trying to get out of bed.. out of house and focus on their work or doing something in the library.. looking at them all acting close, and talking loudly etc irritates me. I mean library is a place to focus. Why do they even come there. Can't they go to a cafe or somewhere else.. They occupy spaces in parks and library.

Today, I didn't go to the library, coz I heard that few family members are going out. So I thought , let me focus at my home itself. Turns out that they are gonna go late. And worst of all, one of my family member, out of all days.. today they chose to come to my room. They told-

'I will study in your room. I won't make any sound'. Now I can't deny or another tantrum will be thrown. I am the youngest and have to listen. And after coming to my room, they start playing God's songs in a medium volume. I mean c'mon, can't they put on earphones? They r playing it in background while studying. Regardless if its God's music.. it still is an irritation (even though I believe in God). And then she even closes the windows coz its cold.. making my room a bit dim.. and difficult to focus.

And there is also construction noise.

So, back to my original sentence- Why can't I be left alone? I understand that if I say.. why am I lonely? It makes sense. But when no one understands me , then why even occupy space in my life.. when I didn't ask them to be. When I am trying to survive painful days.. by somehow distracting into good habits (which in itself is hard), why be a bother to others.

Especially I hate ppl who play music openly. Cant you use earphones? I use earphones 98% of the time. What about me? Don't my ears hurt? I still do use them.

They all act (pretend) , Hope I'm not disturbing you. I'm just doing this at a corner.

If you were really considerate, then you would shut up and leave me alone.. for someone who doesn't know anything internal about me.

And there are even few, who just come and dump their brainload on me. Talking in a way that must make me feel guilty. You didn't do this.. I had to do this.. if you could have helped.. I would have not been doing this.. I have fever.. I have ship*. I don't feel guilty at all. But its a pain.

They can go to tours, trips and wherever they want.. to take a break. Meanwhile I am inside my room, like a cave.. and come out to eat, after everyone else eats.. coz a fight might break in.

Anyways.. this was my vent. I don't usually like to vent. But idk. I hate it when people be a pain to others, while convincing themselves that they are JUST DOING THEIR WORK .