Sucidal ideation
Before reading this know that I am safe!!!
Suicidal thoughts have haunted me for years. I’m trapped in a body desperate to survive, while my mind quietly begs for release. I try so hard to hold on, but the exhaustion is beyond words. I cry for hours aching, breaking wondering if the world would be lighter without me in it. I reach out to therapists and psychiatrists, swallow my medication, and do everything in between, yet these thoughts always catch up to me. The scariest thought is that one day, my mental health might be what ends it all.
@Lindsey103 I too have dealt with these feelings, even recently. I just keep telling myself that suicide is not an option. When I am in a better mood, I start to realize how much it would hurt some people around me.
But trust me when I say the world would not be lighter without you! Quite the opposite! The world is a better place with you in in it!
@intellectualTown3080
Your words hit me deep… thank you. It means so much to know someone truly understands that darkness and still chooses to stay. I’m trying to hold on too, even when everything feels too heavy. What you said that the world wouldn’t be lighter without me… I think I really needed to hear that. Thank you ❤️
I know plenty about darkness, but there are good things out there too! You can't find them if you aren't here! I once heard a phrase that stuck with me: I would rather hear about your problems a million times than hear about your death once.
@intellectualTown3080
That’s such a powerful thing to say and it really hit me. Sometimes it’s hard to believe the light is still out there, but hearing something like this reminds me that maybe I don’t have to carry it all alone. Thank you for reminding me why staying matters.❤️
One more! One more! I just bought a short (had not arrived yet) which says "don't let your worst days win." I have been saying that to myself a lot this year.
Read the book "the untethered soul" you will learn a lot about the mind and how to manage it so you can have peace of mind always! And through my own development and progress I've learned few techniques that helped me with mental health. One is first realize that you are not your mind or your body. You can't be because you're able to observe it. You can't be what you can observe, you are the observer... 2ndly since you are not the mind or body, and able to observe it.... observe it consciously, especially during times of stronf emotion. What I mean.. is let's say you feel anxiety - observe the feeling.. what does it feel like? Where is it exactly? Cause you will have sensations in your body. But just observe and the act of consciously observing allows you to create distance between you and your mind... everytime you do this- the feeling will subside quicker and be weaker. The thing is.. many of us get too immersed into our feelings and thoughts... it's as if we are our feelings and thoughts. Kinda like when getting immersed in a movie or game... with those activities we can get immersed or we can pull back our perspective and observe it as simply images on a screen that we aren't attached to. Same way, we can do that with our thoughts and emotions.. we can step back and watch what's happening. Final tip is while doing this, accept the feeling and let it process. The problem most people have with strong emotions like anxiety, or sadness or stress... is we try to stop that feeling asap.. we think "when is this gonna end" and try to stop it. But that resistance only makes it worse. Let go of the resistance. Just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and know you will be ok... that this feeling will subside at some point.. and that you don't know when that is but you're OK. You have to achieve this mentality. When you do, you will start noticing that you can feel the worst of pains and it won't seem as bad as it used to... and it will subside quicker and quicker... each time you observe and let it process without resistance. It's like if you get a cut, you can either freak out and scream in reaction, or you can stay calm and feel that pain/sting without reacting. Another example is if you pinch yourself - it won't hurt as much as if someone else pinched you out of nowhere. Because consciously observing the pinch creates separation from it in your mind. That detachment is what helps. Anyways all the best, thr fact you're asking questions and making efforts is amazing. I'm rooting for you, I know you will be fine
@spaceboy9000
I haven’t heard of The Untethered Soul before, but it sounds really interesting especially the way you described it. That whole idea of not being your thoughts or emotions but the observer of them... I’ve never thought of it like watching a movie or pulling back from a game, but that analogy really helped. And you're right fighting the feeling always seems to make it worse. Letting it be and just noticing it sounds like something worth trying. Thanks a lot for sharing all this. It honestly gave me a new perspective.
@Lindsey103
I'm sorry you feel this way and you know, sometimes those thoughts can be intense and hard to deal with but you are also strong and know what to do to ovecome them. Allow yourself to accept care from yourself and from people that genuinely want to be there for you. After the rain with sun there is rainbow who rises. I wish you to see the rainbow because while there is raining, sun is also happening 🌻
@iulika5977
Thank you for your kind and hopeful words. It means a lot to be reminded that even in the hardest moments, there’s strength and light waiting on the other side. The rain doesn’t last forever, and the rainbow will come. Your support really helps❤️
I have also come across the concepts in the Untethered Soul, though through my own therapy. It can work! Just remember that you are not your thoughts, but the thoughts are part of you. They do not define you. Then study the feelings and thoughts not with judgment but with almost curiosity.
I admit this isn't always easy, but it can be very helpful.
@intellectualTown3080
That’s actually such a great way to look at it. Thoughts aren’t facts, and we don’t have to believe everything our brain throws at us. It’s hard in the moment, but stepping back with a little curiosity instead of judging ourselves really makes a difference. Thanks for putting it like that!!❤️
@Lindsey103 it is not easy to do, but can be very helpful. After that, it never hurts to take some time for yourself, even if you don't feel like it.
I had a really bad time just over a year ago with something going on in my house. I was a foster parent with intent to adopt (did not happen) and our foster kid (who we are still in contact with but who will never move in with us again - wife and I both agree) became prone to acts of violence against himself and threats against us. I am... well trained... and could physically handle him, but my wife could not. It got bad enough that I couldn't leave the house unless he was gone for fear that he could hurt my wife or himself (without her being able to stop him). I was so anxious over the possibility that he would hurt himself that I was actually calmest DURING his meltdowns! But, each week, even though I really didn't want to, after he went to bed I would take one night to have a few drinks and put something on that I wanted to watch, just to try to feel normal and to treat myself. Most of the time I had to force myself, but I did. It did help a bit. It was a small thing I could do, but I could do it. Try something like that! Pick a time of day or night frequently to do something for you!
@intellectualTown3080
Thanks for sharing all that!! it honestly means a lot. That sounds like such a tough situation to go through, and I can’t imagine the kind of stress that must’ve put on you and your wife. It’s really cool that even in the middle of all that, you still made yourself take a little time to decompress even if it didn’t feel natural at first. That small routine sounds like it helped more than it might’ve seemed in the moment. I’ll definitely try to find something like that for myself too :) I appreciate you opening up!!