Trying to heal
I'm 19 and recently my boyfriend broke up with me and I've been struggling so much with my mental health I was told I have anxiety and depression. He broke up with me because he started to see me in a negative way a person full of pride and huge ego, I myself knew I had alot of pride and wanted and was willing to change that bad aspect of myself for him but he lost patience with me and now he says I've failed us that I'm the reason this relationship ended. I truly loved this person I had basically imagined my whole future with him and now that he's gone I feel lost and unmotivated. I myself know I loved him and showed him I did too but he's making me believe that I wasnt enough and that im a bad/ugly person that doesnt deserve love. I wake up every morning with a heavy chest and spend almost the whole day anxious ever since he broke up with me I haven't been doing well mentally, physically, and emotionally I hate feeling this way and want to move on but don't know how because he's always on my mind and when I try to think if other things he's always right behind my thoughts. I'm not sure what to do im considering therapy but in the meantime I need support because I feel alone and have no one to talk to.
@purplemango3242 I'm really sorry to hear that 🙁 Please know that you're not alone in this. And you don't deserve to be treated that way. and you truly matter 🤍 I wish you find the support here 🍀 and things start to feel a little lighter 🤍 Sending lots of love to you! ❤️❤️
Thank you! I hope things get better
@purplemango3242 ❤️❤️❤️
We’re here for you.
🙏❤️thank you!
@purplemango3242 Of course!!!
You matter! You are enough.
Thank you ❤️
The things he said... makes me believe he is a narcisist or someone toxic like that. I don't have time to write much here. But look up videos about dating narcissists and I bet you will see the connection. Also you don't seem very proud/egotistical... he does. A highly egotistical person wouldn't come on a therapist site for help. They'd be too full of themselves to do that. Nor would they try to change for the better. I think he is the egotistical one and just shifted the blame to you. This is a common narcisist tactic. He described you in a way that actually describes himself. Also no matter what you've done, for him to say you're a bad/ugly person who doesn't deserve love is extremely toxic and not true. You see all he did was shift blame to you for everything. A narcisist doesn't like to take accountability, so they make the other person feel guilty. He made you feel guilty as if you're bad. But it's very clear who the toxic one is. Even if you were toxic, if he was kind and caring he wouldn't make those comments. Also the ugly comment implies that looks = value to him.. and if he thinks you're ugly and worthless, then why did he date u in the first place? I think he's talking ***. But also I think it's possible he just used you for the relationship benefits. And it won't be long before he's approached other girls if he hasn't already.. I wouldn't even be surprised if he cheated. If you wanna talk more about it... you can dm me on *** @superlenzone I normally wouldn't share that on here but I think I could help you if you tell me more context. Otherwise please look into narcisism. Search up red flags or manipulative tactics of a narcissist or how to tell if he's a narcissist etc. Also I advise to use chatgpt as a therapist... most of the time it's better than the listeners on this site or friends even. It's am incredible tool for self help
I'll look into that your probably right about that and I was told blind to notice thank you i appreciate it
I’m sorry that you went through that. Breakups are always hard especially when you are young. Things do get better over time, though it doesn’t seem like it right now. For now, focus on yourself. Get rid of the lies that you are ugly and unlovable. Be careful of bounce back relationships. Don’t get into another relationship immediately after, so you can feel better through him. Please take time for yourself.
@purplemango3242
How are you managing with your breakup? Is the anxiety level still high?
I try to connect and talk to others to distract me from it but usually always need up thinking about it and when I do my chest starts to feel heavy and I feel like I can't breath their are time I wake up in the morning hyperventilating because of it. Im trying to move on but its hard.
@purplemango3242
Have you tried meditation or breathing exercises? Or speaking to a Volunteer Listener?
What thoughts do you have that keeps you awake at night?
What thoughts do you have when you are hyperventilating in the mornings?
I hope you can get some relief. You deserve freedom from this pain 🌳
I try it usually calms me for a bit but then it starts all-over again 😕
@purplemango3242
You had mentioned seeing a therapist. I think that is a good idea, especially if these intrusive thoughts are so persistent.
Here are two more ideas.
Have you tried prayer? Even if you are not religious, praying for something is different than a meditative saying or an affirmation. (However, I don’t recommend praying for material things.)
And the final idea I have for you came from my group therapy ...
1. You work with a partner to help with a difficult situation. For your example, your partner can help you to not be alone.
2. You and your partner come up with a routine for settling down for the night. It can include breathing exercises, meditation, readings, whatever might help.
3. Next, decide on how you and your partner will maintain contact. You can do a daily check in by posting in the Pen Pal forum. Or you can coordinate your schedules so you do your check-in, live at the same time.
4. After you make these decisions, try it for a day or two. Make adjustments as needed, then try for 3 days, 5 days, a week, or whatever you choose.
5. This partnership can work with one person needing support and the other person in the role of the supporter. This can also work if both people have goals they want to achieve, and they can be supporters for each other.
Sending lots of love and support your way!
@purplemango3242 I know how you feel I’m so sorry I can only imagine I’m always here to talk you are so loved and you matter 💕
Thank you🙏❤️
I am sorry that your boyfriend left you and blamed the breakup on you. You are not ugly or arrogant. I believe that he might have projected his own insecurities onto you. Be strong and know that there are many supportive people here to talk to.
❤️
Thank you 🙌❤️
@purplemango3242
How is the healing progressing? Any plans for the weekend?
It's a tough time , believe in urself and we are here with u always when u need us.