Was it wrong or right? Pls help.
I have an important question. I'd like to know your answers.
I have a friend. Its been 2+years and we'll soon graduate and probably not meet again.
He is an extrovert, hyper energetic, talkative person with a lot of mood swings and is also possessive in nature. I am an introvert and someone who naturally adapts to people and behave accordingly. All these years I had been adapting to him. When he wants he would talk.. and if he's mad about even a small mistake or anything.. he'd stop talking. But I used to still be there...coz I thought (Even if ppl don't care.. I'll be there with them). That's how I used to be.
But recent times onwards.. he's been difficult to deal with. At one time, too much of love.. the other time overthinking about tiny details that maybe others don't like me etc and then other time going into silent mode and not talking with anyone. He became tough to deal with .. and I felt drained. His constant high-extrovert and silent mode switching.. was difficult to handle. I felt like being used for his battery.
So I had decided that I'd start becoming bit silent and not adapt to him. Basically , his mood ups and downs.. won't be adapted by me, and I'll be my default quieter self. For a while he kept asking why I'm silent etc, tried convincing me, asked me sorry etc.. I told its nothing.. its just my energy etc.
But I know that its not about him.. its about his personality. Talking or being honest won't solve anything.
So now.. he's gone into silent mode. We don't talk at all, (although we sit together only at class coz that's our place).. We rarely speak a word. I'm at peace retaining my energy..
But I wonder, If I was wrong to do this. He did try a lot to ask me if anything was wrong etc.. but I never said anything about how i felt about him.. coz I know.. he would feel bad or angry or even if it did ring a bell in him.. he won't be able to change.. coz that's his personality. (I'm not just saying this.. from various facts I know he won't be able to change)
So I wonder if what I did was wrong?
@SoulwithGoals
It is not about being right or wrong... you stopped adapting to mood swings or how he is in the moment. you went silent for your peace of mind and getting off the roller coaster of his moods. People can change there is no personality that will never change etc. Change is on their timeline not ours when we wish they would etc.
The biggest regrets I have had in life is NOT speaking up and being honest....with people. Often when i was in situations some what like you describe i did not give them a chance as I KNEW how they are or how it would go.
I feel we underestimate people and overthink about we already know how discussions will end so we avoid the discussion...
I see.
I'm not sure how to bring in the courage to speak up and be honest though. Also I fear that if they listen and things go back to the so-called-normalcy, and they still continue to be the same way.. (coz of their intrinsic nature).. then I'd feel like a fool or regret my decision maybe.
@SoulwithGoals
I understand it is hard to speak up ... maybe it will go just like you have decided it will be bad or he will be mad and not listen or change ... OR maybe it will be different.
When I feel this way i note the worst thing ........ and then the best thing that can happen in discussing it..... the reality is most of the time the reaction is somewhere in the middle.
Overthinking IMO has taken up too much time in my life ..... i speak up and do not worry about the what if's
Hmm I see. Okay. I'll see if I can do it.. (I don't think I can).. But I'll wait for a while and see if I can..
I think you just reached your limit with how patient and understanding you have been, walking on eggshells and trying to be supportive but at some point, it got too much.
That's your right to distance yourself and take care of your needs too.
If you feel like talking won't be well received, another option would be to write a letter/email and express yourself that way and say something like you've appreciated the friendship but people grow apart or I want some stability and maturity when conflicts arise, to be able to healthily discuss it calmly.
It won't be interrupted and it might sink in better. You are however, under no obligation to do anything but take care of yourself :)
Thank you for your response.
But I have this fear that.. if I do communicate .. and things go back to the so-called-normalcy and nothing changes.. then I'd feel like a fool and may regret it later.
Like its their nature.. of being hyper active/extrovert/possessive. They can't change something that they've been for so many years, in a short period of time.
@SoulwithGoals Then just trust your instincts or give it more time. Whatever you decide will be right for you.
We're not perfect creatures, we just try to do the best we can :)
Okay. Thank you so much for your response.🙏
Yes
It’s ok, keep silent Nd patently wait.
Remain relaxed with normal smiling relaxed face.
It’s possessive mindset. Monitor him carefully and see what Happens .
Then decide your plan.
It seems you are more concerned about him! Maintain your pistuy and tell
You will see reactions soon
Best of luck
He's also silent. I'm also silent. I talk with others tiny bit. And when he's not there.. I talk as much as I want.
But he talks with no one mostly, just few words when necessary.
Sorry for typo mistake as I’m feeling dizzy right now
That’s a toughy,
I had a friend like that in the past and she was the exact same. I don’t think you did anything wrong. I found that my friend ended up attracting similar people who were like her and she slowly drifted. Extending our social circle helped a lot.
All the best!
I see, that's interesting. Thanks for your response.
@SoulwithGoals Thank you for sharing this in such a thoughtful way. I can see you’ve really reflected on your feelings and the dynamics of your friendship. Let’s unpack this carefully.
From what you describe, here’s the situation:
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You’re an introvert who naturally adapts to others’ energy.
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He’s an extrovert with high energy but volatile moods, mood swings, and possessive tendencies.
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Over time, adapting to his moods drained you emotionally.
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You decided to stop adapting and revert to your “default” quieter self.
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Now there’s distance between you, but you feel more at peace.
Key Points to Consider
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Protecting Your Energy Is Not Wrong
You realized that constantly adapting to him was exhausting. It’s natural and healthy to protect your mental and emotional energy. Introverts often need this kind of boundary, especially with highly extroverted and moody personalities. -
You Set a Boundary in a Gentle Way
You didn’t lash out; you simply let your natural behavior show. Boundaries don’t always need to be spelled out explicitly—they can also be enacted through behavior. -
He Did Try
You noted that he tried to reach out, apologize, or understand. But you also recognized that, even if he tried, he might not be able to fundamentally change his personality. Accepting that is realistic. -
It’s About Compatibility, Not Morality
You might feel “guilty” because you withdrew, but this isn’t about being right or wrong morally—it’s about what is sustainable for you emotionally. You’ve described a friendship pattern that was draining, not healthy. -
Distance Can Be Healing
Sometimes, friendship has natural limits. Especially as graduation approaches, it’s normal to drift or to prioritize your own well-being. Your choice gives both of you space to breathe.
Reflection
You didn’t “betray” him. You recognized your limits and acted to preserve your energy. That’s healthy self-awareness, not cruelty. In fact, continuing to adapt to someone in a way that exhausts you isn’t fair to either of you—it often leads to resentment or burnout.
It’s okay to feel a bit guilty, because he’s someone you care about—but guilt doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It just means you’re human and empathetic.
I understand. Thank you very much for your response, it gave me clarity🙏.
@SoulwithGoals I don’t think you were wrong at all. It sounds like you’ve been very patient and caring toward your friend for a long time, but also that his constant mood shifts were taking a real toll on your energy. Protecting your peace doesn’t mean you did anything bad—it just means you started respecting your own limits.
I understand. Makes it more clear now. Thank you for your response 🙏.
@SoulwithGoals I don’t think you were wrong. What you did was simply protect your own energy. For years, you kept adapting to his moods, but that left you drained. That’s not friendship, that’s imbalance.
You already understood that his personality is unlikely to change, so being honest in detail might only create more conflict without solving anything. By quietly stepping back, you respected both yourself and him — you didn’t attack him, you just stopped overextending yourself.
It’s natural to feel guilty, but remember: friendships are two-way. If his constant ups and downs take a toll on you, then choosing peace over chaos is not wrong, it’s healthy. You don’t owe anyone unlimited emotional labor.
So no, you weren’t wrong. You simply chose to prioritize your well-being, and that’s something to be proud of....
I see. I understand. Thank you for your response 🙏.
@SoulwithGoals
I think that was right of you, you needed to take a break from him and regain your own energy.
Okay. Thank you.
Just keep silent
Alright.
