even fam taking u for granted?! - (answer me)
So ppl….
Basic question,
have ur distant relatives n fam taking u for granted?
do u also feel or experienced this like me??
Being naturally giving, gifts, letters, anything for their bdays, Christmas, holidays ….
But never got anything back…or got back just a bare minimum like one treat when u finally was like, oh they thought of me!
Or their simple thanks, liked it that another relative passed through you cuz even when u wanted to connect w ur other cousins, they didn’t take that step…
Or greeting u when u come n go but not talking to u in general at all….just see u acknowledging u “physically” there n that’s it. Hurtful. Enough is indeed ENOUGH.
NO MATTER WHERE IT IS,
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT,
REMIND URSELF IF U FEEL LIKE GOING BACK TO THE GIVING “LOOP”…
Even if u feel like u might earn they love or care, attention, whatever it is, they will always give you less. The saddest thing is doing this mistake “belief” all over again for years…. They won’t give you more. Likely won’t. There isn’t rly “hope” yk?
It’s how they are. Not it is important to them, nor they value it enough…
And no, not everything is meant to be one sided or active vs passive. There are situations where it might be useful or the only option, but in any communication or situation, it shouldn’t be always just “you” making most of the efforts….
Before I was looking at it that when I didn’t get anything, I was like at least they know abt me or how I’m doing that I think of them, they seen my gift, “at least” they did. Was my ONLY answer. I wasn’t overthinking it. So when it came to little “reciprocation” I was head over heels.
But seriously, what for?
No….
Gosh, u deserve so much better.
U always DID.
It’s sad when u got nobody in ur circle to see it. I wish I didn’t have such negative experience w ppl.
Maybe this is actually the worst curse - whenever it was, it always ended up this bad…..used n ghosted.
Take care ppl n I hope this resonates to same “old” givers like me. Old ways are absolute garbage. No, world is not kind nor it is useful to be always nice n caring like this.
Give it to yourself, u need it so much more now…
Me.
@livbinny
It is a horrible feeling to always be so giving and get very little or nothing in return. I also learned the hard way too.
It is important for you to be giving to ourselves and when we do give we are no longer hurt or surprised by the lack of consideration of others even family. I never found the fact people are related made them more caring or supportive, Often people find out as you described instead of going in knowing family are people ...some good / some bad and often not who we assumed they were.
Yes🤧💙
Damn, going off your previous post, it seems that you are dealing with issue with people taking what you do for granted, I understand this and why you definitely feel hurt.
I will link being giving to kindness because giving is a big part of being kind.
Yes you struck the nail on the head, people who are giving get taken for granted a lot. Your distant relatives sound ungrateful and I sincerely hope you forgive them and yourself.
However the issue is sometimes people just don't realize the effort people put in to be kind because they assume it's a natural thing or they confuse it for politeness or being respectful.
Kindness is not a transaction, and while some people appreciate it a lot. Many others don't and you have to be selective with how kind you can be to someone. This often leads to people I know who go from the kindest people to the worst because they feel their effort is unreciprocated.
You mustn't act too kind to the point when your purpose becomes being too kind and giving , dedicating your purpose for others because people don't view it as a good quality sadly, people mainly like people who have a personal purpose and direction in life, only deciding to help others since they chose to for a reason instead of being kind because it's a natural thing. I believe it's much more of a societal issue but that is a discussion for another day.
I believe kindness is most appreciated when you show it to people who deserve kindness, volunteering to help with people, coming to this website to hear others out. There are people out there who wish for someone to help whether they are lonely or just in need of advice. There is volunteer work for some people who can really use someone's kindness. They are people who are aware of how cold and dismissive people are and wish to find other kind people. There are situations where kindness is good, but sadly kindness is underutilized and underappreciated nowadays.
If I could say anything I would say kindness isn't transactional but because of that kindness is taken for granted because some people don't see it as a sacrifice or an effort. I hope that your plan to look out for yourself first goes as you hope. However I believe that your kindness is something that you shouldn't forget, there are truly people out there who deserve all the kindness in the world and support and after your experiences I hope you leave knowing who to reserve kindness for and those who don't appreciate kindness.
-SunnyLake
@sunnyLake7661
But yes to answer your question; Yes
There have been times I feel I have been taken for granted even by family members where the effort I make feels underappreciated, the best thing you can do is know who appreciates the effort you put into being kind from those who don't. And use your kindness to hopefully help someone else. Since being kind will naturally ripple out, if one person treats the right someone with kindness then that person will do the same for another person and that person will be kind to another. I hope my post offered some insight but I'll honestly be surprised if you don't find my post confusing.
