i am stumbling through life

hi everyone i am new here

you can call me Sky

i wrote a poem and i wanted to share. just as a warning it is kind of depressing

here it is

"i am stumbling through life"

i set out to be the perfect human. 

i wanted to be real and i wanted to be chaotic,

i wanted to feel the lows and the highs,

but i wanted to be in control;

to write my own story 

already knowing each outcome.

i am stumbling

through life.

i wanted to write my character arcs,

wanted to plan them all out,

wanted to know where things would lead me

so i never begun.

i wanted to be confident

and self-assured.

i saw myself as fragile

and anxious.

i wanted my disability to empower me

i wanted to carve a life that worked for me

i wanted something to change,

for my life to click into place,

     but how could i ever know how?

i shut out what hadn’t worked—

everything—

but then i was utterly alone.

i wanted to build something new,

but i felt it was already broken. 

i wanted to understand myself,

but i forgot who i was. 

i wanted to be perfect, 

but i was breaking inside

and i tried so hard, 

but i didn’t know what i wanted.