Do I need to leave my family
I am very mentally ill. My mom killed herself when I was 15 and I feel like my life stopped when she died. I have spent my life as an addict in so many ways but met a very nice man and had a child at 35. Since my daughter was born, I've been addicted to her. She is my air.
She has always been very physically and verbally abusive toward me but I'm fairly certain i was not hard enough on her. I have no family, no support system. We have seen many therapists and psychiatrists.
She is about to turn 11. She can't stand to be near me. She is always depressed, i'm always depressed. She tells me to go away all the time, she hates me, I'm ugly, etc. I have no idea how to be a mom.
I don't know what to do. We are all miserable. Most days I can't shower or eat.
Do I need to leave so she can live with just her dad and not be subjected to my illness?
@Pennytomato I think this is something that you need to speak about with a professional. I hope things work out for you and that you and your family are well.
@roonnie
I understand and thank you for your reply. Personally, I've been in therapy for over 20 years. I've done CBT, DBT, EMDR, Ketamine, Hypnosis, all types of meds and, finally, ECT.
To be honest, I'm burned out at this point. I have a lot to share and it breaks my heart to see how mentally ill people are treated, even in the best of care.
My story is so much more but, at this point, I'm just trying to do what is best to keep my daughter from going down the same path I did. I feel endless guilt for even having a child with all the mental illness in my family history.
It was very kind of you to respond and it means a lot to me.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. Do you know the reason on why she hates you? Maybe somehow indirectly ask her. And maybe trying to communicate if not traditionally then through other means like a letter or text.
Maybe you can try that. Leaving is not the only option I think.
As for you, how people react to you... It's not in your control. Moms always have this sense of guilt coming up- Did I not do enough?, was I a good mom? , etc. All you can do is .. to do your best.
You've battled your own against your mental demons. So I'm proud of you. But don't sabotage yourself with guilt. And try to not get too attached to your daughter that you forget your own self. Love her, but also know that her behaviour is not in your hands..
@SoulwithGoals
@roonnie
I understand and thank you for your reply. Personally, I've been in therapy for over 20 years. I've done CBT, DBT, EMDR, Ketamine, Hypnosis, all types of meds and, finally, ECT.
To be honest, I'm burned out at this point. I have a lot to share and it breaks my heart to see how mentally ill people are treated, even in the best of care.
My story is so much more but, at this point, I'm just trying to do what is best to keep my daughter from going down the same path I did. I feel endless guilt for even having a child with all the mental illness in my family history.
It was very kind of you to respond and it means a lot to me.
You've been going through a lot. And I'm proud of you coming this far. Don't lose hope.
Sometimes it's just the age of adolescence that can make people like that. Maybe you can try communicating and see if that helps.
And I don't know if the family history of illness is fully accurate, but even if that were true.. don't keep believing it. It will make your mind think you are destined to have such problems. Don't feel tied. Rather think that the issues are something sometimes people face, mental health is common. Don't believe in the family part.
You are stronger than your demons. And very caring, I can tell. Don't feel guilty about anything. You've always hoped to do the best. And that's what matters.
@Pennytomato First, I want to say this clearly: you are not worthless, and your daughter’s struggles are not proof that you’re a bad mom. You’ve fought to stay alive, you’ve sought out help with therapists and psychiatrists, and you’ve kept showing up for your daughter even when you could barely care for yourself. That shows love and strength, even if right now you can’t feel it.
It also makes sense that both of you are hurting. She’s 11, and kids at that age can lash out in really cruel ways often out of their own pain. The things she says don’t define your worth. They reflect her struggle, not who you are as a person or a mother.
Leaving her completely isn’t the answer. What she needs most, even if she pushes you away, is to know that her mom is still there and trying. What you do need is more support for you you can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re so depressed you can’t eat or shower, that’s a sign you need urgent care and a safe place to lean on.
@bubblegumArrow9103
Thank you! I am crying reading your response.
I've been in therapy for over 20 years. I've done CBT, DBT, EMDR, Ketamine, Hypnosis, all types of meds and, finally, ECT.
To be honest, I'm burned out at this point. I have a lot to share and it breaks my heart to see how mentally ill people are treated, even in the best of care.
My story is so much more but, at this point, I'm just trying to do what is best to keep my daughter from going down the same path I did. I feel endless guilt for even having a child with all the mental illness in my family history.
It was very kind of you to respond and it means a lot to me.
I don't really know how to use this forum yet but I'll figure it out.
Thank you for your response. It's the most support I've had in years! I really appreciate it
Please dont feel bad about yourself.
Kids have their own struggles. Their brains arent even fully formed until theyre 20 years old. I read that somewhere.
They don't know how to manage their emotions.
My brother and his wife are struggling with something similar. Their daughter has a lot of tantrums at the parents and they feel helpless. Ive suggested family counseling to them. Only professionals have the expertise to figure this kind of stuff.
I dont exactly know why your girl is feeling the way she is. But it can be taken care of. Please take care of your health. You deserve the love you give to others ❤️
@Pennytomato
