On the Outside looking in 🥺
Has there been a time or an experience in your life where you feel like you don't fit in? Or are in the outside looking in?
@Amanda84
Hmm, sometimes, yes. It happens to each one of us. Even in a friend group, you are not especially approached for a movie together. Anything. Even if it is a small thing. But it sometimes hits hard especially when you are down with a heavy heart.
@MissyisMissy
Awe
Thank you so much dear. Much needed. 🌹
@MissyisMissy
Yes, I understand the heaviness of those moments where we are left out 🥺
Especially when you try to do everything to make others feel loved with warmth and your presence.....☔
All the time. I didn't and don't fit in with family. Even here at Cups, there are times when I feel I don't belong here. Sometimes it just hits harder.
Do you feel this way @Amanda84 ? You have such a kind and gentle presence, I always enjoy seeing you in the forums. 💜
@mytwistedsoul
Ah I'm sorry you feel that way 🥺
But you fit in here, I love reading your thoughts and insights, truly 🥰
I just noticed alot of people here feel this way, so I wanted to open a safe space to discuss it.
I use to feel this way.
Due to severe bullying, I accepted things in friendships that no one should but today I am finally comfortable as I am and take no crap 😁
@Amanda84 Thank you! 🥹 It's so nice that you created a safe space for this. 💜
@mytwistedsoul
Thank you 🥰
@Amanda84
@sabeyesofblue3535
While growing up I felt that way all of the time. While in my teens I only had a few friends at school, but no close friendships. My parents drank a lot for me to discover later in life that they were alcoholics. I am the oldest of four. We were not taught to express ourselves or share our feelings. I was very shy and basically became an introvert burying my feelings.
After high school, I began to work at a job that required working with the public. At first it was difficult talking to strangers, but being in a public enviromint helped me become more confident in myself. Gradually, I found it easier to talk with people on the phone and in person. There were a few people my age who were working with me. For the first time in my life I felt like I was making friends and those friends wanted me to do things with me. It was a great feeling. I was finally starting to come out of my shell, little by little. Although, this was a huge improvement for me, I continued to struggle with fitting in and feeling like I belong. Never felt like I was good enough. I still do not like large groups or around a lot of people I do not know.
@sabeyesofblue3535
I'm sorry you went through so much.
You are definitely good enough.
Don't forget it.
Your environment just wasn't conducive to opening up and being you.
I'm glad you can open up, even a small bit more today 💜💕
I had felt ignored and depressed but I'm inside looking out I know I don't fit in the building where I'm leaving because I am nothing like those people that in the pride building or anywhere where is wrong or weaked intentions when I only try to do good and plant the seed of hope I get insulted when I'm asking for respeto and when I behave the best way I can anyhow I feel like I'm from the inside looking out
@lizbeth444
I'm sorry you feel left out.
You deserve respect and for your voice to be heard also 💜💕
Yes, very much so i do have this feeling currently. I Lost hearing in one ear, which makes me isolating from crowds and people in general, I became a mom and had to give up on a career, I lost my mom and a best friend and am living in a town I know very few people… I feel like the happy and lively girl i once was has hidden so much that I find it almost impossible to find her. It feels like the life goes on for everyone except myself. Like im screaming but no sound is coming out.
@brightWater6235
🥺
💕💜
That lively, energetic, beautiful person is still there.
Give her time to find her bearings ♥️
I don’t remember when but I remember the feeling. It felt like the puzzles were coming together and I saw the bigger picture. And that picture felt like it didn’t include me so it felt like looking in and feeling so small.
@enthusiasticRaspberries2327
I am so sorry you ever felt less, because you are not!
@Amanda84 I've never felt accepted for being myself by anyone really. I'm always pushed to be someone else. More outgoing or friendlier or to stand up for myself less or to be skinny or smarter etc etc.
But at a certain point as I've aged and really explored who I am and who I was. I don't feel as judgy towards myself, I try and rejoice in my good qualities and say Well, I may not be blah blah but at least I don't take myself too seriously.
I don't trod on people to make myself feel good. I strive to lift people up :) Real confidence is letting the good and bad show, not just pretending you're flawless.
I loved reading your perspective on this! Confidence (and criticism) can have so much to do with how much we feel we do or don’t belong. That’s so true!
It’s great to hear you’ve been able to get to a place of acceptance. I’m still getting there myself, but we got this! 💕
@Reddi
you most definitely do have this 🥰
@Reddi Good to meet you and glad you liked what I had to say. Honestly though I'm not fully confident in myself. I have good days and bad but I think it's a bit easier to spot people masquerading as respectful now.
I try to constantly retrain my brain into being more patient and cutting myself a break. I wish you well on your journey and this is a great place to vent, should you need it 🥰
@ScrabbleBrain
You are perfectly wonderful as you are :)
@Amanda84 Thank you and so are you dearest, although you still make me nervous 😰🤣 but seriously love your ability to make thought provoking posts
@ScrabbleBrain
ah why do I make you nervous 😁
@Amanda84 I can see the wheels turning, the lil plotting 👿 forming thoughts and ideas ha :)
@ScrabbleBrain
Never 😁
@Amanda84 Your secrets are safe with me 😅
I have felt like this my whole life, so have gone out of my way to make sure others don’t. Belonging is such an essential part of feeling like a valued person.
🥹 What a very powerful and amazing choice you made to make sure to include and invite others in. Keep being the good 😊 I just learned something beautiful from you. 💕
@Amanda84
As of this morning, I feel like I don't even belong here!
I have replied to some people's post who are looking for an online friend and in most instances my reply goes unnoticed.
Yesterday I decided to post up a heartfelt thread looking for someone to join me in the pen pal section, I got one reply. Noticed that person was a Listener so I replied back asking if they wanted to start a new thread in the pen pal section or should I message them.
Woke up this morning with excitement to see what they replied with or if anyone else responded, only to not find my thread. I can only assume it got deleted 😞 the feeling of dejection and my heart 💔 felt like it was dug out with a spoon. It has really bothered me so much to the point I want to delete my account because it's obvious that 7Cups does not care about the members here.
@braindamag3 Oh Man. My heart aches for you because I've had that happen. You spill your heart out and get generic replies. It just makes you feel worse. I don't understand why they would delete it. That's not right at all! You can ask why it was deleted if you want. I think you just email 7Cups and ask
I enjoy seeing you around here and I would hate to see you leave. I think you're alot of fun and enjoy the songs you share in the ear worm thread (been singing Henry the VIII all day today) lol!
I care BD 💙
@mytwistedsoul
Thanks, finally a post that put somewhat of a smirk on my face.
Henry the VIII is one that will eat away at your brain. LOL
I just have no umph after that, Went for a walk at lunch time and felt like I was stuck in some vortex. Took the whole hour but did a fraction of my walk. it was more of a drag my feet to get me back to the office.
I've been hiding in my office the whole day aside from putting on a brave face for my department meeting.
@braindamag3 I think it's already started 🫠😂 If I'm not singing it, I'm humming it 😝
@braindamag3
Im genuinely so sorry that you felt this way, I care and I like seeing you around the forums, your feelings are valid and I really hope that you don't leave us because you do matter!
@Amanda84
Thank you for your kind words ❤️ 🥰
You're stuck with me 🤗 I will be sticking around and will be rewriting my original thread and repost in a few days.
@braindamag3
yay! I’m glad we get to keep you!!!! I like seeing your posts. You’re so brave to put yourself out there like that.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
@peachThinker662
Guess we’ll have to see how long you can put up with me 😬🤗😁
@braindamag3
Its easy to put up with you 😁
Hmm, I still feel this way often, but it’s a little different now that I’m getting older. I think I realized a couple of things over time.
For example, not all people are the right people. It’s become a lot less about fitting in and getting along with everyone and more about what people it feels good to get along with and laugh with.
Not all groups are the right groups. This is a thing to do with priorities and goals. For example, I’m a bookworm and always have been, but for a long time I tried to belong to groups that wanted to wild out or drink every other night… and it just wasn’t compatible. Now I’m starting to find my fellow peeps and it feels much easier on me and so much less performative.
The most recent thing I noticed is that I actually have room to be much bolder socially than what I’ve been. I’ve always focused on being agreeable which I think made me a little boring or hard to engage with at times. So I’m learning to let that go a bit and getting used to having some of the spotlight on me.
I know you’ve talked a bit about setting standards from friendships now due to some of your past experiences with bullying. What have been some of your most impactful boundaries to set?
@Reddi
I just surround myself with the right people, ones who uplift and are fun, not people who gossip or are judgy. I don't care anymore about anyones opinions and I don't seek anyone elses validation apart from my own :)
