Things Men Wish You Knew
If this is part of your life story, please share your insights! What would you like the rest of us to learn? What should we know about people in this community? How would you like people to interact with you? Should people ask questions? What’s the best way for people to learn about this? Do you have any resources (books, movies, YT videos, etc) that will give us greater understanding and empathy and kindness toward people who experience the same things you do?
If you’re not on this journey, we welcome you to listen, learn, and ask respectful, good-faith questions! Open-ended questions are highly encouraged, as they give people the space to share their unique experiences in their own words. While this is a safe space to learn about things you’ve never experienced, please remember to be sensitive, and avoid sharing harmful stereotypes or debating someone's lived reality. If you have a question, ask it with empathy. If someone gently corrects you, please be open to learning. Let's have a gentle, fun, friendly conversation where we support one another, because it takes all sorts to make a world!
What do you guys ACTUALLY talk about, when we’re not around?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Dumb things that make us laugh mostly
I know right!!!😭🤧 mostly I would be astonishhed on how my siraiki(they are really care free) freinds would find a very not funny thing funny and would snikker and giggle.
I am from another ethenic group.so i dont really Understand how they find it
@genericbeing 😂😂😂
I saw it so i would reply😅
In middle school and highschool.I had freind circles of all types👻There were the carefree ones whom only talked about new trends(and we have alot in my country)there were the nerdy ones who only talked when they hadnt buried there faces in books😂there were the socially strong ones whom talked about nothing but business.there were the online gamers(usually the weakest)talked about games all the time.
In my school we really didnt talked much with girls.they were all very reserved😅I and some of my other friends were able to talk to them.It wasent that they were not approcable.they were just very snitchy😭🤧 they were the rullers because the teachers would allways make them incharge👻
So as I said I had many circles so i saw the convo of every circle from a diffrent angle🙃
I usually pittied them for the sterotypicallness(not sure if its a real word😅)
So dont worry.you arent missing on anything😜
I have just tiped my sweet little toe in the vast oceans of adulthood 👻but I have somethings i want to share.🙃
I dont like people who complain about there mother or wife's cooked.😤
I think a real man is of principle😊
If you cannot respect,love and cherish the women in your life you are not even human😎
There are alot that thinks not crying is manlyness.I dont see the conection,i am sorry😑
I like peacefull home above all🤗
It is my opinion😜differ if want to😎
@jesusredeemedme2425 I can't think of anything honestly, we are simple folk
I got one lol. How do we know if you are genuinely into us, or if you just enjoy our company? I am genuinely confused about this.
@jesusredeemedme2425
Also, how to differentiate between a creepy and genuine smile? I'm not kidding, I just really want to know lol.
@trueconfidant123
A creepy smile when they keep staring and smiling at you even when it's making you uncomfortable.
A genuine smile is usually when they respectfully nod when talking while paying attention to your boundaries and not engaging more than you're okay with.
It's hard to tell but these are visual clues i think.
@fossilfellow
Okay, that makes sense. The second really sounds too good to be true. It only happens in the movies. 😂
But thank you for explaining.
@trueconfidant123 You're welcome 💝
Would tell you👻
They don’t!!! They’re too scared lol
@jesusredeemedme2425
Right? Lol
Men: Making us guess if you like us, is torture lol!
@jesusredeemedme2425
I swear. That staring is so awkward and uncomfortable like ask us straight up!
And some guys act like they like us, and then we go “cool ditto”, and then they’re like “I’m not that into you”… lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 and that is so unfair, such attention seeking behaviour lol.
I just wish I could read guys correctly. Lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 that's every girl's wish ever! 🫂
Men probably think the same about us though.
@jesusredeemedme2425
I'm sure. There are several factors that hold us back from approaching people. The fear of rejection, anxiety, self-consciousness, etc. Last week I had been to the movies and I had a girl ask me out on behalf of her guy friend lol.
Awww that’s so sweet! <3 Did you go out with him??? <3
I wish guys would even do that! Lol. Rather than making me guess hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425
I said NO and fled the scene 😂
@trueconfidant123 But if you fled can you blame then for being too nervous to ask?
@genericbeing I can't blame them here. Rejection can be a reason the person was too hesitant/shy/nervous to approach me themselves and it's totally valid to feel this way.
@jesusredeemedme2425 We'll we don't know when girls like us either to be fair lol
@genericbeing same for us lol but at least I don't hesitate to exhibit my feelings if I like someone but that's a rare miracle lol.
@jesusredeemedme2425
At least I would be man enough😎I liked a girl in my middle school. I went straight to her and said it, and not just this time, every time I ever liked somebody, and honestly, it brings relief and focus to me. It is a much safer option than obsessing over someone just because you don't have the guts to tell them😜
What if a girl is too shy to respond? Due to either strange admirers and or panksters. I was really overwhelmed, to respond to a kid; who liked me while younger. Shortly, prior a secret admirer had wanted me to meet them alone 😬. Of course another classmate but, I’m ten not trying to get jumped.
@secretFriend2402 and everyone, the point is that these old stories hurt all of us. i'm a guy who has always had more female friends than male friends. i also like strong women. so my female friends had some strong opinions about men and didn't have any trouble telling me about them. if i said anything about, well there's me, i don't do any of that stuff, they would say "oh, you're different! you're an honorary woman!" This was said as a compliment. it's ok, we see that you aren't bad, like everyone else shaped like you. oh. well thanks. so does that mean that every woman i see who doesn't know me as deeply as you friends do thinks i'm just bad? oh, they do. ok. i guess i'll try not to let that affect my self esteem, somehow.
we were all taught to play these stupid roles that maybe worked once upon a time, maybe, but they don't make sense anymore. We need to start just treating people as people, regardless of what's in their pants. and it doesn't work unless we all do it.
i haven't been on this site for very long, but i know that there are plenty of men and women here who only want to be able to treat everyone like a real person. so do it. in the world. for everyone. it sucks, it's really hard, but i don't know what else will help us.
sorry for the rant, i mean it all kindly and i hope it doesn't sound too angry.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Sometimes we just say it, or other times we like someone but for reasons we can't say it. Like with me I have agoraphobia so how could I date even if I wanted to? I can't go anywhere, I wouldn't force that on someone I'm dating.
Understood, I’m a girl. But don’t date due to my excessive fatigue and sleepiness along with memory issues from depression. Like I can’t be present, I’ve encountered some aggressive men, believing, I’m toying and or rejecting them. But truly, I’d love to date. But how can one, if it’s hard to manage oneself. Hugs and sending healing through prayer ✝️🙏🏼🤍
@jesusredeemedme2425 You should make a post like "Why or why not do you date?" or something like that, it would be interesting to hear. I would but my post are more like comedy, yours are more like serious and I think you'd get more replies than I would.
Added it to my list! Thank you <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I will look for it
@jesusredeemedme2425 There was a situation where I supported a female member here on 7 Cups for a few months during a difficult phase in her life. Recently, she jokingly made a comment about my care though I understand her intention may not have been to hurt me. Still, it did affect me, and I expressed that respectfully. However, the response I received was quite defensive. She mentioned that her intent was different, felt as though she was being attacked, and said she no longer felt safe in the chat space.
This left me a bit confused. I’m trying to understand are men allowed to express when something hurts them on this platform? Or is it expected that we hold back those feelings while continuing to support others?
I want to clarify that I’m asking this only to understand better and grow, not to hurt or point fingers at anyone
@thewhisperfriend Just to add a small clarification. I shared this as a personal experience, but my intention is to understand a broader perspective about how men can express their hurt in a healthy way. I’m here to listen and learn from others as well, not to point at any individual situation.
I hear you.I have been through something similer in the group chats rooms👻but remember most people here are sensitive so they would take things differently🤗
@curiousbookishness That’s true, and I agree. I’ve come across this many times before. I usually stayed quiet because I understand people can be sensitive with what they’re going through. But I’m just trying to understand if there’s a healthy way to handle such situations without hurting ourselves.
I usually apologies and completly detach.Like there was one person i found in chat and wasent reaponded by the other person whom they asked somthing so I started a quiz type 😅thing and gave some random geography facts😜.the peraon was responding very pasionatly but as soon as the other person B whom they were talking to appeared.this person A started saying that they are unconfortable around me.like what in the world? They were just moments ago calling me kind and were grateful and suddenly changed their attitude😱.Then I did some research and found out it is some kind of peraonality disorder.where on prefer the first our the letter.So if i had stop responding and some other started chating lets say person C.the peraon A would have acted the same on my return🙃
*person
*one prefer
*latter
*person
In recent times, I've seen many posts by women blaming us men for our problems, as well as blaming men for women's problems. According to them, men are at fault for every problem. Obviously, this is ridiculous.
There is a problem with male loneliness. We are not good at being social, at meeting new people. We need help here, and it would be great if women could have some compassion for us here.
The other issue is with mental illness. These women who post nasty things about men's mental illness and our suicide rates say it's men's own fault. They say men don't get help because of our egos. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about men I've ever seen. We don't have these massive egos that others say we have. There may be a few men who do - professional athletes, rock stars, movie stars, politicians, but they are in the minority. We try to get help, but we don't have the same resources that women do - many organizations that exist for people with mental illness are women only. We men have nowhere to go. When we ask for help, we are told that there isn't any. Even the county mental health department helps only women. The shelters in my area are for women only.
@jesusredeemedme2425
I really like this post, and I love that you made a version for both women and men. I have really been enjoying reading the responses to both posts. I have always been really interested in the different ways men and women experience the world and I love conversations about this. I am a man myself, so I will gladly share some of my personal experiences. I would be happy to chat about them too if people have curiosities or questions! 😊
One thing I have seen some people mention is how men tend to bottle up feelings. They simply don't talk about them. I have noticed this in my friend group. A while back I decided to try to be vulnerable about some things I was struggling with in my head and what I found was these friends who I had known for years opening back up to me as well, like they had been waiting all this time for someone to go first.
Another experience that I have had, that is perhaps more personal, is that I feel quite some anxiety around attraction. I have heard and read so many stories of "unwanted attention from men" and "men being creeps" that I second-guess myself with everything related to attraction to women. For example, when I see a random woman and I happen to find her beautiful, I immediately feel a kind of guilt, like "is this okay?" or "she probably thinks I am creepy", even though I am not doing anything. Not staring, not talking, not invading her space in any way. Just quietly judging myself over noticing her and feeling drawn to her. I wonder if this is something more men experience, or if this is just me.
when i was 12 or so, i was coming home unusually late from some school thing. i had to bus home and it was unusually dark and i was feeling nervous. i was a big kid, but not confident, and i was happy to see an older girl getting off the bus with me. i was hoping to walk nearish to her so i would feel safe. i wasn't paying attention but i noticed that i kept having to speed up to keep up with her. then i clued in that she was trying to get away from me.
i was shocked. the idea of anyone being afraid of me was just nuts. i went home and mentioned this ridiculous girl, practically an adult, who was afraid of a kid like me. and my mum and my aunt chewed me out for scaring her. I get that i scared her, and i feel bad for that. but nobody, not once in all the times that i have told this story ever said anything about my being scared. my fear didn't matter. I was just a guy.
that's not all my experiences, of course, and i have a lot of wonderful women in my life and i'm generally closer to women these days than men. but i have never forgotten it. it still makes me feel bad for that poor kid who had to be alone with his fear.
I mean teen girls are moody. She probably didn’t want to talk, mostly likely. While, working at a restaurant behind airport security. I tried to walk, quickly away from a male coworker. Yes, I did speak to him but didn’t want to get too close. Same, man later, approached me and said I walk really quickly. Please don’t, feel bad; the real creepy individuals are adults; whom push boundaries.
We men are in a bad situation when it comes to emotions. I was attending a support group just before Covid came along six years ago. A woman in the group stated that she hated men because men didn't express their feelings. Later in that same session, she stated that she hated men who expressed their feelings because they didn't seem like real men. This was the perfect example of where we are. People don't want us to express our feelings, but then they don't like us because we don't express our feelings.
There was an actress, I think her name is Alison Janney, who called men "emotionally immature" because we didn't express our feelings. She thought that our lack of expression meant that we don't even have feelings. We have feelings, we have emotions, but we got it drilled into our heads that we were supposed to keep those feelings to ourselves. We were taught that no one cared what our feelings were. Janney, and many others, need to understand what it's like to grow up male.
Hey everyone
I just saw how engaged everyone is and thought I might as well something. I think children are the start of change in a society so I am against the tough love parents claim to have sometimes i think every child should be loved and allowed to choose how to live on their own. So I think children should be more protected to do that we need adults who know how to protect a child for example a teacher being not just a teacher but human and just noticing the small things well I know asking this of as a teacher might be alot since there are alot of kids in a class and that it comes down to the person in hand but I believe if everyone at least tries once to be different because of the awareness we spread world might feel like a better place to live in. Another example is how a therapist or councilor handles children. A child doesn't know what anxiety or trauma is they know that somehow they are different from others but don't know why so if we focus on how to help children convey their message to adults better. I kinda tried to create a model for that its called a three line access model we'll simply put it gives three type of situation to children for when they should approach an adult the first line is a feeling they cannot understand for example if a child doesn't know why they are angry. Next line is a question they cannot ask anyone else children's often don't ask because there isn't that one person where they can ask anything to we are going to make it so that there will be that one person for every child. The third line is a secret they cannot share to anyone kids think in little terms like secrets so if we focus on that and make it so that a secret is something they can share with an adult rather than hiding it now the reason as to why I made this model is because we often get therapy for childhood trauma in adulthood a trauma effects a childs life alot so by implementing this we can recognise trauma in childhood while it is happening. Well that was my intention anyway and even if this helps one child I will be satisfied so thank you for showing interest in this and let me know what you think about the model.
Beautifully said🤗
I think an easy way to understand women’s conflicting emotions about men is this:
We know it’s not all men… but we don’t know which men.
