Things Men Wish You Knew

@ShadowFaerie @unassumingEyes @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @sadcat13 @Amanda84 @goldenduckling @mytwistedsoul @Tinywhisper11 @LovemyMoonflowers @GreenLime3141 @7Bear7 @Phoenixthepoised @Torean @GentleHealingInitiative @cyanessence @YourCaringConfidant @CaringEzra @NobleSeeker @fossilfellow @BastionKnight @trueconfidant123 @safeplace288 @lovingCat6978 @reservedOwl321 @dapperNest2125  @Creamyyy @naturesbeauty1234 @bubbleSummer9800 @peachThinker662 @warmheartedHuman836 @Mansbestfriend @Paliloveyourself @Magicpawsoffuture @SelfCareMatters @TovaCares76 @sabeyesofblue3535 @Ailuraphilelove8tear9 @charmingApple8098 @luvArisu @BlueDarkAurora @curiousbookishness @sympatheticPlace3743 @musawva @KindleMissie @WellsFiction @Angelanj @SlappyMcGee @SunshineJazz @LexListens2025 @Heather225 @agreeableSkies9889 @ConstellationSystem

I’m adding a taglist to start, but this post is open to absolutely everyone! <3

@jesusredeemedme2425 looking forward to hearing people's experiences and views ❤️

We're probably not as okay as we seem.

We don't share why because we have a hard time trusting that you won't see us as less capable if we do. We often are operating under the belief that our feelings aren't permissable. That they matter less.

Intimacy is critically important to us. It's one of the times we feel most vulnerable. When we don't get it, we suffer for it, plain and simple.

Most of us aren't mindless animals when it comes to things like sex, even though it's often easy to treat us like the dog who won't stop going after your leg.

That's all I got for now. I'm glad to finally contribute to one of these posts.

@jesusredeemedme2425

I think men typically hide their feelings, at least I know I did for 60 years, until I found 7 Cups. I have honestly shared more of my inner self with my listener than with my wife. As @hearshotkid said, that our feelings are not permissible. 

Not all men are pigs, good men are out there. It's a shame that the pigs that are out there give the rest of us a bad name/rep.

@jesusredeemedme2425 I'm so looking forward to this thread

@jesusredeemedme2425 I am a teen man myself
A lot of men do not know how to express themselves properly, and need an external person, factor, or event to really ignite their passion for something/someone
also as an arab man who's faced quite a bit of ridicule 
a man is someone ready to love, express, and live well--with themselves and with others, so please(a tip that allows many men and people in general) greet us, say hi, or give a high five or wave
it goes a long way
also men like me are quite bad at saying no in uncomfortable situations(i am rather shy in front of new people or the parents of someone else) so if you see a man very clearly uncomfortable they probably just want to leave a situation, change its course, or are trying to find something to say/do to make you happy

Hi you all, when I saw this post, I didn’t have so much to say. It reminded me of my friend who talks about someone from her old days. So I took this from her & dropping here. Thanks @jesusredeemedme2425 for this thread. I’m clueless about posting this. I’m copy-pasting as it is so that it will be neutral. It looked like a different case too.. I don’t wanna make my version. 

--- Back when we were in college, me n my male friend (let’s call us J1, J2 {juniors}) became friends with a senior. He’s a guy. Its b’coz of regular sessions at labs. He used to assist us. Then we became into a minion gang with time. We hang out, celebrate b’days n all other things like anyone. Everything looked plain n simple until here. When certain situations came, we realized our senior (Let’s call him Mr. S) is a rare kind. We 1st saw things like that at our b’day celebrations. Like everyone else asks we also used to ask for b’day gifts from him. We r a gang, it’s an untold ritual for him to give us gifts. He only says ‘not now’. We thought he is skipping it, or he has no interest. We stopped asking. In our last b’day at academics, we seen what was really happening. What he did was, he clubbed all our b’day memories until that n some of good ones from our group, even names also engraved n gifted us at our last b’day. He also made packing so simple that we were uninterested on seeing it b’coz he dint gave before  after asking as we’re like a group. He spent all the years trying to pick up everything that he saw will look great n created it. We were both in surprise & guilt. On the outside, he was like same like us. We had a wrong impression :(. We misunderstood him. When we asked him why he did not tell us earlier, he said ‘I don’t know’. The worst part was we never given him anything in return all the time too. We just hang out. He did like that for some of the good faculty also..
By this time, we got a good feeling like we knew him better. But we did not*. It hit us like a tsunami again. We never knew he had a girl. When we got to know we were late. We didn’t force ourselves to make him talk. He was already more to us like the above case. We don’t know what n why it happened. It was the first time we saw tears in his eyes. He was crying. I was shocked so I told my other friend J2 that we should ask his friends. He strictly stopped me there saying apart from me n him no one knows. Not his class frnds also. He did not say that we are his special ppl by words. He said it by his actions like this n the gifts. I pushed my friend J2 to be with Mr. S. like anyone else it would also be a similar case. We thought so. Our foolishness was just at its beginning here. Normally we see people coming n going in lives. N after a while things fade. This is what we know n see. This one was not. When we tried to get him into someone it will fail. He won’t reject what we do. She is so much to him that no one ever made a difference. One day J2 asked Mr. S if they were really close (intimate) n so on. The shocker was that there was no touch at all. No hug also. He was the same to her like he was to us. Being an outline of her shadow instead of taking over it like a normal man will do. I realized that not every man will chase a girl for body, l.u.s.t, or other [materialistic things.for him, she mattered more than her features. We seen this in the coming days. Not from his words, from his actions. N that is how he was. He won’t come out n say like other men. He will silently work in the background n things will show up silently also. his worst enemy was also this only. She misunderstood his silence. Same me me n J2 misunderstood him. She don’t know how much he was standing for her behind her. He did not tell her anything what he was doing. I wish he did. She will have known. She will have seen him. He maynot cry. N maybe he still might be have her in touch. His rare nature become bad for him :(. Starting from us, his close friends to the most special person to him, the girl, no one of us acknowledged him until we saw his actions. Society has made us to depend heavily on words n we all became those ppl that fail to wait until actions are done. I told J2 to take over. I thought maybe 2 guys will feel better in company. J2 told me that like other men, Mr. S can’t fade from it, n he can’t do anything about it also. I simply said “all men say the same “in my mind. J2 used to hang out more with him due to what Mr. S is facing. He saw more than me.

 The Effect: Mr. S lost the grip on his career. Out of track. He was alone also when J2 was with him. He sometimes says “if I was lucky to hear from her now “. A half line. From what I understand, he was not expecting anything from her. Even from start. Being with her mean all to him. After all this suffering also, he did not ask anything to us. He only says this half line. He only wanted to hear from her. Same like us, he has a bond with her beyond words. I dunno how much she saw his actions like us. He will do 100 things in the day like us n still we don’t see him like he normally was. It was looking like at least 1 word from her will bring him back to life. I’m saying this b’cpz everything happen suddenly on him. All this is same for most ppl. Not for him. So much time passed but he did not. We don’t know why. We were with him as his personal ppl, n sadly not more than us. We could never fill him. Many years gone. He finally got married. Me n J2 were happy that some girl taking over his life again. It looked like that also. He got married late comparing to others. After 2 yrs also no news of kids. Health problems, fights, nothing. We went on a trip with him. Me n J2 asked him on face. He didn’t have kids b’coz she is imprinted in his mind. He is not able to do things outside the normal. She don’t know any of this. She not being in touch with him. 1 single thing also. Me n J2 were crying seeing him like this. A man who never touch the girl, still face difficulty. As a girl, I will say this is not obsession. Its loss of the person we like, to a mental level :(. Family n society pressure break him to have kids. He calls us to join when he visits places with family. I saw something n I told to J2, n he just give me blank looks. Mr. S writes her name silently before dropping it inside the blessings box. I scolded him. He said ‘I only got this, her name.. you want to take it also away from me’. I felt really bad for him. He still thinks of her like she part of him. N she dunno a small bit of all this. Sometimes he see her on social media. He can’t talk. He dunno what she will say. He tells me he just want 2 b in touch. I want to help him. I dunno how. Me n J2 can’t stop his cries n tears. He tries to hide them. He fails. It hurts to see a man cry. Especially when he didn’t do anything wrong. It hurts very much :( . N it is not like he is not respecting his family. His wife (I call her big sis) is the power holder in the house. I did not see them fight. He given her all freedom. He don’t care whose mistake he always says sorry. The house is like her palace. No one was disappointed. Society has a habit of calling all things betrayal if it does not like it. 2 ppl staying in touch is simply, respecting n valuing each other.

I call him rare b’coz we see all kinds of ppl. Just timepass ppl, somewhat serious ppl, some leave the moment it’s gone. N then there is this kind of ppl. They are easily misunderstood, judged. They are not acknowledged. They struggle to express b’coz they choose to be there for us when we don’t expect anyone to come for us. They have so much but they only show it when there is the time. They only ask us for our bond in return. They r the most giving ppl. Physical things become 2ndary here. For them, the person n the bond with him/her is the most important. Their smile comes from seeing their ppl smile. They are working in silence for the ppl they bond with. They don’t show it b’coz they want us to smile the highest. The way he treat us, just for b’day gift tells everything. N he nvr ask us much in return also. This kind of ppl can be our frnd, bff, n more, we nvr know. Human beings can rise so high in their life. When we come home, it is emotions n bonds that make us smile n feel alive. Society n standards/rules are only useful tools to live a life. 

It will be nice if ppl who wish to be with us will stay in our lives still saying that we matter to them after the hardships also. There will be a 100 ppl who will leave us when we tell them to go. But it is not so common to see ppl telling they wanna stay, b’coz they value us. Many ppl will smile to us in our face n don’t hesitate to throw stones on us when we are not there. Only few will pray for us even when they don’t see us. we all have many ppl that we like. N we feel bad when they go. We don’t see those ppl who like us. They don’t leave us. Still we don’t see them properly. They r the ppl that will work hard to see us happy or smiling. They r the unconditional ppl. Every1 will hate us at some time but they will still search for reasons to be with us. He still calls n msg us randomly. He sends us surprises when we r busy or in bad time. Some days was there when our parents was disappointed on us. He still took care for us. He always says ‘if you don’t have something, you can get it 1 day. Ppl will see you like normal again. But you should not feel like that because you’re not up to the expectations. Ppl emotions n bonds are permanent n standards/rules r not ’. He cares more than I can explain.

All men are not chirping birds. Some are like him. Silent butterflies 

The Silent Butterfly 

The birds arrive in a whirlwind of wings,

A chorus of many, where the atmosphere rings.

They fill up the silence with a busy, bright song,

Painting the air as they flutter along.

They keep the yard vibrant, a colorful show,

But they leave when they wish, as quickly as they go.

But then, there is the butterfly.

It enters the garden on a wing made of light,

Unknown and unseen until it captures your sight.

It offers no anthem, it raises no cry,

Yet it deepens the beauty beneath the wide sky.

It doesn’t crowd the air or make the day loud,

But moves like a secret, away from the crowd.

It blooms every flower and shifts every hue,

Changing the landscape to a world strange and new—

A vision of wonder you didn't know you would see,

Waking the blossoms to all they can be.

While birds keep things busy, it brings something more,

Breathing life into corners where none was before.

It doesn’t just mimic the colors you see;

It brings the very vision of what color should be.

And when it has settled, it chooses to stay,

Not fleeting or flighty or drifting away.

It brings other butterflies into your life,

To soften the edges of worry and strife.

It calls to the others, a silent command,

Making life better than what it once was—

A kingdom of beauty that never will pause. 

@jesusredeemedme2425

I wasn't going to respond to this thread as I'm definitely all male but I consider myself as having been socially awkward since my teens. With people I emotionally closely to them my thoughts and feelings are an open book, prone to overshare and overwhelm others. I have often said that I thought I'd found my tribe since joining Cups but have learnt the hard way that even on Cups people aren't always what they seem, my trust in people unfortunately ladies on this occasion has again been shattered and it is why I'm taking a back seat for now. I've lost my confidence, far too trusting for my own good, makes life difficult.

I think it's important to teach more men that it's ok, to not be ok.