Day 9: Redefining Love š
Hey hey everyone, hope this finds you doing amazing!š
After our last conversation around rebuilding self-trust, we come to yet another necessary introspection area xD in our Love Month Celebration seriesĀ thattt what does it actually even look like in everyday life? Ā Trusting ourselves? Because trusting ourselves again isnāt always about big, life-changing decisions, I feel. Ā Sometimes itās much tinier and gentler than that. Ā Sometimes it looks like the small promises we make to ourselves on the daily and whether we keep them. Ā Things like āIāll rest when Iām tiredā or āI wonāt ignore what feels off this timeā or āIāll speak honestly instead of suppressing itā any kinda promise to self that youād show up for yourself. They seem small, almost insignificant in the moment maybe? But over time, they slowly shape the relationship we have with ourselves.Ā
Ā And the thing is when we repeatedly donāt show up for those small promises, it doesnāt just affect discipline or routine. Ā It affects trust. Our mind and body may remember how it was made to feel by someone else but it also remembers how we made it feel.
Somewhere along the way, we start believing āmaybe I wonāt really be there for myself when it matters.ā Ā Or when āchoosingā self comes across as an āoptionā merely, rather than an inevitable necessity. And that can sneakily influence another part of our lives tooā¦. The kind of love we accept or believe that we should accept. Because when self-trust feels shaky, we sometimes start accepting versions of love that also feel uncertain, inconsistent, or a little confusing. Ā Not because thatās what we want but because thatās what feels familiar. (š„²)Ā
Ā Soooo maybe rebuilding self-trust is also an opportunity to gently ask ourselves, What does love actually feel like for me now? šš
Ā Not based on past experiences. Not based on what weāve tolerated before. Ā But based what we truly deserve and on who we are becoming.
Maybe love feels like consistency. Maybe it feels like calm instead of anxiety. Maybe it feels like being able to be yourself without constantly overthinking. Ā Maybe it feels like not having to question where you stand. Ā And the more you start showing up for yourself in small, steady ways the more your understanding of love begins to shift too. Ā
Because youāre no longer abandoning yourself. Ā Youāre choosing yourself. Ā And that naturally changes what youāre willing to accept, give, and walk away from. *insert bicep flex emojiiiiā heheh!Ā
Something to sit with when youāre ready:
š What is one small promise Iāve been making to myself that I havenāt been keeping? Ā
š What is one promise I can realistically start keeping this week? Ā
š What has āloveā felt like for me in the past, and did it actually feel safe and consistent? Ā
š Ā What do I want love to feel like for me now, in a way that aligns with who Iām becoming? Ā
Donāt we feel safer in trusting somebody who keeps their word? Who shows us consistently that even against all odds their effort really matters. Itās the same for ourselves too, our mind, body and soul feels that safety in trusting self and believing that we actually got ittt, when we keep that word to ourselves, when we choose to stick around and be patient with ourself even if everything else around us feels like crumbling apart. When we choose ourselves, slowly but surely, at every single chance we get.Ā
Like always, you donāt need to change everything overnight. Ā Sometimes it starts with something as small as keeping one promise to yourself and allowing that to mean something. Ā Because it doesss.Ā More than we realise. š«š
Happy promising, lovelies!Ā
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou š, you're doing it again! Shining your brightness and making me have to think. I'm supposed to use my brain, but yet it's really my heart that does it with all that weighs on it. As always, I read what the brightest of all has to say. Your posts really hit me and touch me... and you touch on things that are important! I won't be long this time. I'm up but still sleepy, and not in my overly emotional feelings. š
But let me ask you a question-- in what world do you live where you think those examples of self promise may seem small in the moment? Ok, maybe not you you're speaking as. Perhaps there's people who may feel that way. But we know it's sooooo far from the truth! Because listening to your body to stop and rest and heal, not being afraid to speak out, etc are all big things! I love that you mentioned these as examples. It really does look like something small. Oh, just go sit or lay down and take a break. Release your worries and just rest. Like how hard can that be? Hard for so many. So yeah, just scratch what I said. You know I know you better than to think any other way. I just love how you're so understanding of all. I mean, after all, you're š-- the bright one!Ā
I love everything you posted in this ā¤ļø series so far. This whole self-love and self promise thing is everything! And you're right, if we can't love ourself best then we may settle for less romantically than what we deserve. When it comes to love, it's just one of those things that's different for us all.Ā
Speaking for me... Look, I'm crazy. šš¤ I can have all these things in my head about what I want love to feel like. But it's not ideal. In my 10+ years of marriage, I've learnt that love is truly a choice and decision that both parties have to make. There will always be good and bad and ups and down, but the decision to still show "I love you" means more than any words. Actions will always speak louder than words to me-- even if it's words of real that I don't wanna hear. Trust me, Desiree is no easy ride or a walk in the park. š But let me stop it here because I've already been way too long. Lol.
Stop making my š§ and ā¤ļø think, š. I just wanted to be lazy this morning. As always, I appreciate you sooooo! Have a beautiful day, š!Ā
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
I've thoroughly enjoyed this series, thank you, even if too much introspection has caused me more questions and doubt rather than answers and positivity.
The main reason for me taking a bit of a breather from Cups can be summed up by the fact I have lost trust in my own emotional responses to people. The trigger for me in particular was a hip scan in Jan 2022 that has had a detrimental affect on my peace of mind an hightened my fears of what the future holds, becoming stuck and having no sense of purpose in life beyond simple survival.
I started working with an online therapist last week and currently in the getting to know and understand each other stage, i'm hoping to understand and manage my need for deeper emotional ties with people and manage the emotional disregulation that makes me so socially awkward.
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
Hey sunshine šĀ
Hope you are good and amazing as ever š©·
I promised myself to carve out some guilt free space in my day for me.
To allow myself breaks when I need them.
To not try and be all things for all people š©µš¤
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
š What is one small promise Iāve been making to myself that I havenāt been keeping?
I told myself I wouldnāt go back to what hurt me, but I still checked, still hoped, still gave my energy where it wasnāt being returned. I promised myself peace, but sometimes I chose familiarity over what was actually good for me.
š What is one promise I can realistically start keeping this week?
I will stop checking on people who chose to walk away from me. I will redirect that energy back into myselfāmy healing, my studies, and my growth. Even when it feels uncomfortable, I will choose myself.
š What has āloveā felt like for me in the past, and did it actually feel safe and consistent?
Love felt confusing, inconsistent, and emotionally draining. It made me anxious, made me question myself, and made me feel like I had to earn care and attention. It didnāt feel safe or stable, even though I kept trying to believe it was.
š What do I want love to feel like for me now, in a way that aligns with who Iām becoming?
I want to feel calm, safe, and consistent. I want to feel secure, not anxious. I want to be able to be myself without overthinking or questioning where I stand. I want a love that shows up, communicates, and doesnāt make me feel like Iām too much or not enough.
OpenAI. (2026). Digital illustration of a young woman symbolizing emotional healing, self-trust, and personal growth [AI-generated image]. Generated using ChatGPT (DALLĀ·E), OpenAI.
