I officially feel like a burden to my family

@Anirbas2025

🥺

You are not a burden.

Your cousin mattered.

Grief hurts.

There's no timeline.

You have to be gentle with yourself , as do your family 💚

@Anirbas2025

@Anirbas2025

            Have you been able to speak to your family?  I am guessing you must have had a close relationship with cousin.   Perhaps the death has brought up many other feelings for example a fear of your own mortality or time passing so quick.    Your family may not understand what is overwhelming you and you might not either. talking about it really helps to have them understand why you find yourself missing things because your depression. 

@Anirbas2025

Hi Dear, 

I know losing someone close its hard. I am sorry to hear about your loss. But remember on think if you cry will your cousin get back? Or if your cousin was with you will he or she would be happy to see you crying? Think as if they are around i know its tough no easy but see your husband grandson also suffering. Try to distract your mind by getting into some activities but don't get into your room alone. Stay strong you are stronger than you think. I know its a tough journey too have lost my lover oness but just think he or she around you and they don't want you to see suffering.... Stay happy dear....

Thank you all so much for your sympathy and kind words. This has been devastating on so many levels I don't even know what grief to try to wade through first. My cousin was my safe person but I never knew that until after she was gone. I was an abused child and she was just everything. She made me feel worthy and seen and loved. Every time I saw her, she would look at me with her big, beautiful, sparkly eyes and would smile at me with her big smile. Before her I never smiled for pictures, but after we moved to TX not far from her family, I started to learn that you smile for pictures. So in 7th and 8th grade when I started emulating her, I played the violin like she did and started smiling in school photos. She and I were tomboys and shared a mad love of horses. We climbed trees and played with our little cicada and crawdad friends. She was everything to me. On 11/22/25 she shared with me that the hospital could do no more and she had gone on hospice, but that she was not giving up. She. Was. Not. Giving. Up. So I thought okay, we will fight this with Frankensence essential oil (anti tumor/anti cancer properties) and with ImmuPower essential oil blend for the autoimmune disorder. I had a plan and she said "you have the soul of a healer" I brushed it off saying "it was the only way I was of use to my mother, I guess it stuck". On 12/1/25, in anticipation for her recieving the order of oils I sent her a lot of screen prints of material about thr oils. I said "text me when the arrive. Love you". Unbeknownst to me, that very day she'd taken a turn for the worse and was admitted to a hospice facility. On 12/3/25, she texted me back "I love you too." but didn't share where she was. 12/6/25, my cousins daughter messaged me to share that she'd died in her sleep at about 2:30 on the morning and she was no longer in pain. I have been shattered since then. It's like I am in this effed up night terror that I cannot squeeze my eyes closed in and wake myself up like I could when I was a kid. I am struggling with this. And the loss of my eldest dog, Rocky, who we rescued and he literally told us his name when we brought him home. His first owner had allowed him to be hit by a car at 6 months and surrendered him to the vet. He lived a hard life and had been traveling on his own eating whatever moved when we rescued him. He lived a good life with us for nearly 5 years, but the old injury took him down. He breathed his last breath with his head in my lap on 11/5/25. Thank you all so much for listening and caring. My MIL was also just diagnosed with Polycythemia Vera, that has to be treated with a chemotherapy drug. It will likely cause her to lose her hair and I don't know how I am going to handle that either.